What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

I'm happily attached now, but when dating there are a few things that will make you lose points or strike out with me...

- You cancel/postpone our first date, unless you're obviously ill.
- You show up in a logo tee, especially one with "Microsoft" on in (this happens way too much in Seattle).
- You answer your cell phone on a date. "It might have been an emergency..."? Yeah, right! It's never an emergency. Let them leave a message, then check your messages when you get up later to go to the restroom.
- It becomes obvious that you've been misleading me on your background and beliefs.
- It sounds like you have a lot of drama and chaos in your life. I don't want to be involved.
- You've declared bankruptcy or talk about money woes.
- You disrespect my religious beliefs, or religions in general.
- You refer to your exes as "psycho" and blame them for your breakups. Just because you don't like her anymore doesn't mean you get to call her bipolar or psycho. Anyways, I've discovered her anger is maybe because of something YOU did.
- You don't pay on our first date. OK, so this is a social more, but it's also because most guys I date earn more $ than me.
- You're very recently divorced or coming out of a serious relationship, or you're "separated."
- You're a smoker.
- You're so conservative and opinionated that we can't have a conversation without you getting irrationally upset with me, flying into a wild tangent, and making ridiculous statements about me when you don't even know me.
- You don't want to get married and have kids someday.
- You used to live with your girlfriend. This may not strike you out, but it will probably make you a little "tainted" in my book.

LOL

Ok, how many of us have actually FOUND guys/girls who have NONE of the yellow and red flags we mentioned? I have not.

[thesweetestone]

I 've read this whole thread, but I still don't understand why "family background" is a red flag. Will please SOMEBODY explain?

I don't have any control over the things my family does or has done. If I live an honest life, that is how I should be judged. I should not be judged by my family's behavior.

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by thesweetestone

I 've read this whole thread, but I still don't understand why "family background" is a red flag. Will please SOMEBODY explain?

I don't have any control over the things my family does or has done. If I live an honest life, that is how I should be judged. I should not be judged by my family's behavior.

But you can choose how much contact you have with them. Having a dysfunctional family ALONE, is NOT the problem. If someone has a dysfunctional family, but they're not that close to them, or at least not close enough for the drama to have any effect....that's cool.

I get concerned when people are close enough to family where it causes trouble for people who weren't originally involved. Ok, here's an example. You date a guy, and his sister has a gambling addiction. Guy's sister does NOT want to help herself or go to GA, she just gambles and gambles. Your relationship gets more serious and you guys move in together. Guy's sister spends her rent money to gamble. Guy's sister will get put out of her house/apt if she does not pay rent. So the guy (and probably you) will have to chip in to pay for HER rent. This is an example how your date's family's drama can spill over into YOUR life. Say that this guy himself had a gambling addiction. Would you date him? If you answered "no", then why would you date a guy who has a close relationship with a sister who has a gambling addiction? However, if he wasn't that close to his sister and/or he does not pay for her losses, then I don't see any problem with that, and he shouldn't be rejected.

[thesweetestone]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I get concerned when people are close enough to family where it causes trouble for people who weren't originally involved. Ok, here's an example. You date a guy, and his sister has a gambling addiction. Guy's sister does NOT want to help herself or go to GA, she just gambles and gambles. Your relationship gets more serious and you guys move in together. Guy's sister spends her rent money to gamble. Guy's sister will get put out of her house/apt if she does not pay rent. So the guy (and probably you) will have to chip in to pay for HER rent. This is an example how your date's family's drama can spill over into YOUR life.

I not going to pay F%&king her bills, F@#$ that. Personally, I still don't think that the above described situation is a red flag against him.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by thesweetestone

I 've read this whole thread, but I still don't understand why "family background" is a red flag. Will please SOMEBODY explain?

I don't have any control over the things my family does or has done. If I live an honest life, that is how I should be judged. I should not be judged by my family's behavior.

No, people don't have any control over their families, rather they're close to their family or not, I just think a well to do family should stay with a well to do family and one that's disfunctional should marry into another family that is similar to their own family. I think it just causes all kinds of problems when the families are opposite.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

LOL

Ok, how many of us have actually FOUND guys/girls who have NONE of the yellow and red flags we mentioned? I have not.

My SO is none of the flags I mentioned. In fact he STILL hardly ever answers his cell phone when he's with me. I wouldn't care as much about the cell now, but I sure would on a first date.