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Oh, and the whole "your brother wants you in his wedding" thing? Not necessarily. Guys so often don't care and she very well could be trying to be even-steven about including his side of the family, and not doing anybody any favors in the process. I'd pick your "least likely to cause a family kurfuffle" excuse and go with it as soon as possible. And any of those helpy things christiangirl mentioned can be sooo much more valuable. When I got married I only had one of my sisters stand up with me - I wasn't going to be the 35 year old with 4 bridesmaids which is what it would have been if I'd included more sisters because I'd have to have had all mine and his. Anyway, my SIL who I hadn't gotten along with to that point followed me around all day and held my dress up (outside wedding on golf course) while my sisters were worthless. She was definitely more help to me than she'd have been in a matchy dress that she'd undoubtedly have hated.
Advise her about how much more help you can be as an assistant who's not in a matchy dress and maybe you can successfully cushion the blow.
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"Traveling - It leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller. ~ Ibn Battuta
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