My brothers wedding

[southbymidwest]

Bag it. IL, I understand that under that "ranting", you have some very valid concerns. You have had many stressors this year, some good, some that threw you a curve. Stressing about this wedding that you have strong misgivings about will be yet another stressor. Being irritated with the bride and her checklist sucks. Walking down the aisle trying to look radiant and beaming with joy over the nuptuals of your brother and his fiance gritting your teeth sucks. Stressing about trying to fit into a shiny dress with a 5 month post pregnancy body sucks. Paying for said shiny dress and shiny shoes on an already tight budget sucks. Dreading the reception because of tired and cranky kids (and maybe we can include tired and cranky mommy and daddy too!) who have held it together for most of the day and now just can't help but melt down in public sucks. Surely those who care about you could sympathize with your situation, should you be worried about blowback. And quite frankly, anyone who does give you grief is, umm, a toad. Now my only caveat would be if you think that you could end up really liking your husband's fiance, and you that once you have a good rant, you think that well maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe it could be fun. IF no such thought enters your head, bag it.

You are allowed to look at your situation and decide if being in this wedding is something that you really want to do/realistically can do with enthusiasm and joy. You have the right to say no, nicely, and early on, so that she can plan for others to join the wedding party. If she does not understand, well, that kinda validates your feelings just a little more, huh? If I were the bride, I honestly would not want a bridesmaid who is so ambivalent about being in my wedding. I would want all the good vibes, wishes, prayers and blessings that I could get. If you cannot give her that, then perhaps you and the rest of the wedding party would be better served if you decide to bow out, gracefully. Perhaps you could offer to help in other ways the day of the ceremony.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by southbymidwest

Bag it. IL, I understand that under that "ranting", you have some very valid concerns. You have had many stressors this year, some good, some that threw you a curve. Stressing about this wedding that you have strong misgivings about will be yet another stressor. Being irritated with the bride and her checklist sucks. Walking down the aisle trying to look radiant and beaming with joy over the nuptuals of your brother and his fiance gritting your teeth sucks. Stressing about trying to fit into a shiny dress with a 5 month post pregnancy body sucks. Paying for said shiny dress and shiny shoes on an already tight budget sucks. Dreading the reception because of tired and cranky kids (and maybe we can include tired and cranky mommy and daddy too!) who have held it together for most of the day and now just can't help but melt down in public sucks. Surely those who care about you could sympathize with your situation, should you be worried about blowback. And quite frankly, anyone who does give you grief is, umm, a toad. Now my only caveat would be if you think that you could end up really liking your husband's fiance, and you that once you have a good rant, you think that well maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe it could be fun. IF no such thought enters your head, bag it.

You are allowed to look at your situation and decide if being in this wedding is something that you really want to do/realistically can do with enthusiasm and joy. You have the right to say no, nicely, and early on, so that she can plan for others to join the wedding party. If she does not understand, well, that kinda validates your feelings just a little more, huh? If I were the bride, I honestly would not want a bridesmaid who is so ambivalent about being in my wedding. I would want all the good vibes, wishes, prayers and blessings that I could get. If you cannot give her that, then perhaps you and the rest of the wedding party would be better served if you decide to bow out, gracefully. Perhaps you could offer to help in other ways the day of the ceremony.

THAT. ALLAT!!! I agree with EVERYTHING right here. I know you really want to be there for your brother but honestly, having a wedding party member who is stressed out, miserable, insecure about her attire, and DYING to leave doesn't help anybody. That foul mood (which is bound to come it seems) can be apparent to those around you and who wants that at a happy occasion? You may be doing them more of a favor by pulling out than staying in.

Why not explain the dress/size issue and, instead of "holding up the wedding by ordering my dress SO LONG after the others," offer to make sure everyone signs the guestbook? Help people get seated at the reception? Organize the gift table? Make sure everyone has their corsages/boutonnieres? There are any number of ways to be a part of your brother's big day that don't make you want to scratch your eyes out.