Are you @#$%ing kidding me??

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Maybe so. Admonishment accepted.

In my defense, I guess what I'm reacting to are the parents I've (personally) seen who make being a parent the defining aspect of their identity. Once the child is grown, they are totally adrift. I know many parents who are justifiably proud of what they did as parents and consider their greatest accomplishment, and rightfully so. Where I get uncomfortable is when the parent loses himself or herself in parenthood, and that's what I was referring to.

That's fair--it was the blanket statement that threw me off. I'm not unfamiliar with the phenomenon of the parent who wraps her identity around a child. One woman in particular, a former co-worker, has revolved her entire life around her three-year old daughter. Her daughter's come before her livelihood (no matter how much you love your child, you really need to be able to keep a roof over his/her head) and her marriage (which really should come first). This woman had a pretty terrible childhood and didn't have a lot going on for her (job, education, friends) UNTIL she had her daughter.

Granted, that's a lot of pathology going on there, but to some extent I understand why she did it. I hope she pulls back enough to allow her daughter to have some sort of a life, though.

I'd worry about a mother like that way earlier than I'd worry about a college-educated, happily-married woman with or without an out-of-the-home job who wants to pass out "mommy cards."