Are you @#$%ing kidding me??

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

My counterpoint would be that when moms and dads are networking with other parents, it's helpful for their identity to be tied to their kids, because the likelihood that another parent is going to remember YOUR name rather than your kid's name is slim. Just because their identity is tied doesn't mean that's their entire identity.

I agree. Also, so many kids don't have the same last name as their moms, with blended families and mothers who didn't change their names upon marriage, or mothers who use their maiden name professionally and their married name personally (which would negate passing out a business card). A friend's parent/coach/teacher might not know "Jane Smith" as "Tommy Miller's mom," a card with "Jane Miller" would be good for people whose sole connection to the person is through the kid.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Anyone finding their identity in being someone's Mom (or Dad) is sad.

Yikes. Judgemental much? It doesn't necessarily have to be someone's whole identity. But I don't think that's what this is about. I saw it more as a compartmentalizing thing so your kid's social activities don't take over your life. If anything, I could see myself using these because my kid's friend's mom doesn't need to know my work e-mail, but might want to have my personal e-mail address.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Yikes. Judgemental much?

Not at all.

Considering how we mock and decry "helicopter parenting" he's exactly on the right track. Pride in your child, pride in parenting, all that good stuff is completely separate from basing your own identity on your child. The latter is the genesis for helicopter parenting - the cognitive dissonance loop that begins with "My child's successes/failures are my own" and ends with "My baby couldn't be _____________."

These cards have a time and place - I'd hope they'll be used by people with agzg's line of thinking, but I wouldn't be surprised if they're not. As a "compartmentalization" I find it ... lacking, in that you usually don't compartmentalize by drawing attention and giving yourself the easy ability to integrate it into other, unrelated areas.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Not at all.

Considering how we mock and decry "helicopter parenting" around here, piling on MC is insane, because he's exactly on the right track. Pride in your child, pride in parenting, all that good stuff is completely separate from basing your own identity on your child. The latter is the genesis for helicopter parenting - the cognitive dissonance loop that begins with "My child's successes/failures are my own" and ends with "My baby couldn't be _____________."

As always, you've summed it up better than I could have. I agree with both you and MC.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Not at all.

Considering how we mock and decry "helicopter parenting" he's exactly on the right track. Pride in your child, pride in parenting, all that good stuff is completely separate from basing your own identity on your child. The latter is the genesis for helicopter parenting - the cognitive dissonance loop that begins with "My child's successes/failures are my own" and ends with "My baby couldn't be _____________."

I think there's a difference between this and "helicopter parenting," the latter I clearly detest. Whether we like it or not, when one becomes a parent, some aspect of their identity is wrapped up into being a parent. That doesn't mean that your whole life revolves around your kid--it's just that you can't disassociate it.

Again, this doesn't bother me so much because I can't imagine handing a kid's coach my work business card. It wouldn't say "Mommy," but it would be a personal card. I see it as a way of setting boundaries between personal life and professional life.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think there's a difference between this and "helicopter parenting," the latter I clearly detest. Whether we like it or not, when one becomes a parent, some aspect of their identity is wrapped up into being a parent. That doesn't mean that your whole life revolves around your kid--it's just that you can't disassociate it.

You're making a non-functional distinction here - "can't dissociate" is "your identity is your kids" and the shades of gray you're trying to draw really only obfuscate that main point.

Again, this doesn't bother me so much because I can't imagine handing a kid's coach my work business card. It wouldn't say "Mommy," but it would be a personal card. I see it as a way of setting boundaries between personal life and professional life.

I agree in principal and in general, but the difference you're drawing here IS the functional difference. Personal cards have been around forever. This is a change to the personal card, one that appears rooted in the kinds of wrong-headed thinking that lead to more pernicious elements of helicopter parenting.

Buy personal cards. Not "Mommy Cards."

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

Buy personal cards. Not "Mommy Cards."

So, if this thread wasn't about "mommy cards" and these were just personal cards that some parents distribute to other parents and schools, there wouldn't be a problem. Everything in moderation.

Yeah, people in this thread are jumping to extremes because of their own interpretations of what it means to have a parent card; and how silly that website conveyed the point as far as some people are concerned.

[DrPhil]

People are jumping to extremes. I don't see this as being even remotely similar to helicopter parents or parents who think their legal name is "Melissa's Mommy/Daddy." Someone's central identity or master status can be that of parent without it being the only thing they have going for themselves. However, it is very difficult to truly have different statuses (job, hobbies, leisure time) if there is no one to help you balance family with other things.

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I think there's a difference between this and "helicopter parenting," the latter I clearly detest. Whether we like it or not, when one becomes a parent, some aspect of their identity is wrapped up into being a parent. That doesn't mean that your whole life revolves around your kid--it's just that you can't disassociate it.

Yes and it isn't just some aspect of their identity, especially for women. Men are more likely than women to be socialized to believe that being a parent is just one aspect of their identity, and many men can easily go through life with being a parent as something that they mention as an afterthought. It's similar to people who talk about men babysitting their kids ("Oh, my kids are at home with their Daddy for a few hours"). You technically can't babysit your own kids but you can if being a parent is your secondary status in life.

As Miranda of SATC said "I'm a damn good attorney and work hard for this firm. It's being a mommy that I suck at right now."