Received a blatant B-list invitation BY PHONE BY PROXY, what to do?

[aephi alum]

Background: My husband and the groom became friends in grade school and have kept in touch. MIL and the groom's mother are BFFs. The groom met a woman and they're getting married in October.

The planned celebrations are ...
- Bachelor party in Vegas, to which my husband was invited. We know the man planning the bachelor party, and he would make "Californication" look like a church picnic. DH turned him down as he is not into hookers and coke.
- Bachelorette party and/or shower - I don't know if these are happening, as I don't know the bride and I would therefore be excluded.
- Engagement party (here's where the shit hits the fan)
- Wedding in October.

The RSVP date for the engagement party was August 5. On August 8, we got a phone call from my MIL, who'd gotten a call from the mother of the groom. We were all suddenly invited to the engagement party and the wedding.

Today (August 9) we received a formal invitation to the wedding. The postmark read August 6.

The groom's family is playing the "your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail" card. Funny how my in-laws' invitation got "lost in the mail" too. The USPS is not THAT incompetent!

What to do? We've already RSVP'd yes to the engagement party and plan on attending the wedding. I am sorely tempted to skimp on the gift, but that would only hurt the groom (I couldn't give two shits about the bride or her family or the groom's family). Perhaps I could ship them something via Am@zon and have it get "lost in the mail"? *evil*

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

Background: My husband and the groom became friends in grade school and have kept in touch. MIL and the groom's mother are BFFs. The groom met a woman and they're getting married in October.

The planned celebrations are ...
- Bachelor party in Vegas, to which my husband was invited. We know the man planning the bachelor party, and he would make "Californication" look like a church picnic. DH turned him down as he is not into hookers and coke.
- Bachelorette party and/or shower - I don't know if these are happening, as I don't know the bride and I would therefore be excluded.
- Engagement party (here's where the shit hits the fan)
- Wedding in October.

The RSVP date for the engagement party was August 5. On August 8, we got a phone call from my MIL, who'd gotten a call from the mother of the groom. We were all suddenly invited to the engagement party and the wedding.

Today (August 9) we received a formal invitation to the wedding. The postmark read August 6.

The groom's family is playing the "your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail" card. Funny how my in-laws' invitation got "lost in the mail" too. The USPS is not THAT incompetent!

What to do? We've already RSVP'd yes to the engagement party and plan on attending the wedding. I am sorely tempted to skimp on the gift, but that would only hurt the groom (I couldn't give two shits about the bride or her family or the groom's family). Perhaps I could ship them something via Am@zon and have it get "lost in the mail"? *evil*

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

I was SO waiting for this!

I say go and have a good time. Drink their drink, eat their food, and have a good ol time wih hubby. So what if you weren't on the A-list? You aren't even that close withe the couple. I agree with whoever said to to have a good time and buy a moderately priced gift.

Don't even buy a new outfit. Wear what you have and have a good time. Even if you decide not to go, it's not the end of the world.

[ASTalumna06]

It's issues like this that make me never want to get married.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

You can always make a donation in their name to the Human Fund.

People tend to lose all sense of civility, manners and sanity when it comes to weddings. If you do go, promise yourself to have a good time. If you can't see yourself having fun and being able to get past the situation, do yourself a favor plan a night out with your hubby or your friends, crack a bottle of wine, and don't give the wedding another thought.

Two Seinfeld references on Greekchat in the same day?! Awesome.

And I agree. I love weddings, but everyone makes it about THEM. At my brother's wedding a few months ago, my aunt turned to me during their first dance and said, "I hate that these dances seem to go on forever. They should cut the song off halfway through." Ugh. Shut up. My brother sat through your first dance a few years back, now you should do the same for him.

A wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM. It's amazing how many people forget that.

And if someone that you don't really care that much for just happens to "offend" you in a minor way, be the bigger person, brush it off, and move on with your life.

People can invite whoever they want. Quite frankly, I want to invite no one to my wedding.

Vegas, baby!

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

People can invite whoever they want. Quite frankly, I want to invite no one to my wedding.

Vegas, baby!

A-freaking-men. At one point, I was so sick of the wedding planning that I joked that we should elope. In front of my MIL. Big mistake. Cue MIL tantrum. "I ***WILL*** BE AT ***MY SON'S WEDDING*** !!!!!!!!!!" (whine, whine, lie on floor kicking and screaming - I kid you not - my MIL is a toddler in a 65yo body)

A wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM. It's amazing how many people forget that.

Again, a-freaking-men.

[Munchkin03]

Why does this not even seem like a Thing to me?

First off, I see the donation thing as being deliberately snarky and more than a little catty. I get joy from picking out wedding gifts for my friends--usually I stick to the registry but I have gone off-script for something that I know the bride/groom really want or need (ie., Lowe's Gift Card to my BFF and his wife, who spend all their free money on their home remodel). Making a donation to someone to deny them a gift is sanctimonious.

Secondly, I like Ellebud's advice. Go, get a gift, and call it a day. Also, the MOG may have been talking out of her ass about y'all being invited anyhow. She may have had no clue about the venue, what it could hold, or who her son and his bride were obligated to invite. It seems that, unless they're paying for all of it, the groom's side ends up getting shafted in terms of guests anyway.

Third, weddings can bring out the rudeness and cattiness in not only the guests, and the party, but also the bride and groom as well. I have never seen so many scores settled by brides/grooms excluding people from invites, seating arrangements, and the like under the guise of "well, it's all about us!" Rudeness is never acceptable, even when it is "your day."

[ellebud]

Your mother in law is best friends with the groom's mom? Think of this as your opportunity to score major points with your mil. You are the lady here: go to the shower/engagement/wedding. Buy one nice present. Give the present at the shower in front of both ladies. You will get major props from the mother of the groom (Why couldn't my son have such a terrific woman?) and your husband's mother.

You have the opportunity to be the best woman standing.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I'm a big fan of the donation to a charity they care about in their name. That way, they get nothing, but can't bitch about it.

Originally Posted by ellebud

Your mother in law is best friends with the groom's mom? Think of this as your opportunity to score major points with your mil. You are the lady here: go to the shower/engagement/wedding. Buy one nice present. Give the present at the shower in front of both ladies. You will get major props from the mother of the groom (Why couldn't my son have such a terrific woman?) and your husband's mother.

You have the opportunity to be the best woman standing.

this is a good idea but the evil in me would be way more drawn to DBB's idea...

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by ellebud

You have the opportunity to be the best woman standing.

Ellebud you are my hero, . . . and you need an advice column.

[AOII Angel]

Sounds like the mother of the groom and groom were pissed when they found out y'all were not invited. I would especially thinkso if your MIL and the groom's mom are BFFs and she didnt get an invite either. I wouldn't take it too personally. Mistakes happen with wedding planning.

[aephi alum]

I can't give a gift at the shower (if there even is one) because I was excluded. But there is the engagement party . . .

And this was no mistake. The MOG has been blabbing for months about how this was going to be the wedding of the century, they were pulling out all the stops, it's black tie (meaning DH will have to rent a tux) and "we're really looking forward to seeing you there if there's room for you". And the RSVP date for the engagement party (for which we never did receive a formal snail-mailed invitation) was August 5, and the wedding invitation was postmarked August 6. I smell a very large rat.

Ugh, and we're probably going to be seated with my in-laws.

Start the Tanqueray IV now.

[DZsis&mom]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

"we're really looking forward to seeing you there if there's room for you".

I would not be offended by this.

For my nephew's wedding, they sent out the first round of invites & had to wait for RSVP's. As they started getting "No's", they would send out more invites. They only had so much space & if everyone they wanted to invite (even the distant relatives) came, there would not have been enough room at the venue.

Of course I was in the first round because I was the favorite Aunt !!!!

[DrPhil]

aephi alum, I highly recommend not devoting this much thought and frustration to something that really has little to do with you. It is their wedding, they are not even an official part of your family, so let them be the ones thinking and being frustrated about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that pertains to their wedding.

Attend what you're invited to if you give half of a darn, contribute a donation or gift that does not surpass your monthly budget, and be done with it. You have more important things to devote attention to.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

aephi alum, I highly recommend not devoting this much thought and frustration to something that really has little to do with you. It is their wedding, they are not even an official part of your family, so let them be the ones thinking and being frustrating about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that pertains to their wedding.

Attend what you're invited to if you give half of a darn, contribute a donation or gift that does not surpass your monthly budget, and be done with it. You have more important things to devote attention to.

I agree.