Dorm Shower...is that a thing now?

BraveMaroon · #1 07-15-2013, 01:55 PM

So, since it's been a very long time since I was college aged, I wanted to check in with people who are a little more hooked in.

I received a Facebook invitation for a Dorm Shower - a young cousin's Mom is throwing her a going away party/shower before she leaves for college.

I'm on board with the going away, but the attached 'dorm room wishlist' leaves me a little cold.

Etiquette aside, are Dorm Showers something that people are doing these days, and I just didn't get the memo?

Back in my day, I got a few checks at graduation, and bought sheets, towels and the assorted crap needed to get a dorm room outfitted with that.

DubaiSis · #2 07-15-2013, 02:05 PM

I did get some dorm stuff as graduation presents (in 1984) but having a party specifically to rake in presents for the dorm just smacks of weird. It also smacks of a kid who is so precious that she has to start over with 100% new stuff just because she's going off to college. I personally would put this in the same category as getting invited to a graduation party for a child I don't personally know. Gift Haul!

lovespink88 · #3 07-15-2013, 02:06 PM

I have never, EVER, heard of this. Please do not think this is something that we (meaning my generation--because I think I still share a generation with today's 18 year olds?) all think we're entitled to.

I'm so sick of hearing how spoiled and entitled we are. We are not all that bad.

Kind of a tangent from your question, sorry, lol

ETA: Is it bad that when I read the thread title I was concerned because I thought "um, what dorms DON'T have showers?".

Hey, it's Monday...

BraveMaroon · #4 07-15-2013, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovespink88

I'm so sick of hearing how spoiled and entitled we are. We are not all that bad.

Kind of a tangent from your question, sorry, lol

No, no - this was not about being spoiled/entitled...I don't mean to generalize.

She's a good kid, but the only child of two very well-meaning but overprotective parents - who are no doubt freaking out about their precious girl going away for the first time.

I just didn't know if this was a new trend and I hadn't gotten the memo.

lovespink88 · #5 07-15-2013, 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

No, no - this was not about being spoiled/entitled...I don't mean to generalize.

She's a good kid, but the only child of two very well-meaning but overprotective parents - who are no doubt freaking out about their precious girl going away for the first time.

I just didn't know if this was a new trend and I hadn't gotten the memo.

Sorry!! I realized after I hit submit that it sounded like that was directed at you. I did not feel like you were generalizing, at all!

I was just pre-emptively defending myself as a part of this generation in case anyone did make a generalizing statement, lol

I think I'm also sensitive after just hearing overhearing a new client request not to have some "snot-nosed, fresh out of college" kid working on his account. As someone who is fresh-ish out of college, I was quite offended. I work hard at what I have do and learned a lot about my industry in 3 years. I still have lots to learn and I am always actively trying to learn from my superiors but I would have been able to manage this guys account just fine.

/rant

Anywho, yes, I think dorm showers are weird. I had a graduation party after high school. People were kind enough to give monetary and a few actual fun dorm things (i.e. picture frames, whiteboard, etc). I used the money to help furnish my dorm.

Did this young woman have a graduation party as well?

Gusteau · #6 07-15-2013, 02:26 PM

I have not heard of a dorm shower before - did the graduate in question also have a graduation party?

When I graduated from high school in 2007 I did receive a good deal of dorm stuff at my graduation party. If you're planning on giving dorm stuff a wish list could be really convenient for the gift-giver. I feel like a wish list for a graduation party might be helpful. Calling a graduation party a dorm shower, or (help us all) having both would be off-putting to me.

IndianaSigKap · #7 07-15-2013, 02:28 PM

In a similar vein, I was invited to a going away party/cook out for one of my favorite former students. The family is not well off, but does ok because they are smart with their finances. On the facebook page for the event, there was a note about bringing something that you couldn't live without your first year of college as a gesture to show *students' name* what dorm life was like. It was tastefully done and she got very practical things like Tide stain pens, a roll of quarters, winter hat & gloves, herbal tea, bounce dryer sheets, etc. No gift was terribly expensive but all of them were things she needed. Also, many of the gifts were things the family had not thought to purchase.

And of course we all had a good time at the cookout because her mother is a fabulous cook and a great hostess. The young lady also sent out handwritten thank you notes for all of the gifts!

amIblue? · #8 07-15-2013, 02:30 PM

Puh-lease. That's just a tacky present grab, and kind of even tackier that the mom is hosting it.

AnchorAlumna · #9 07-15-2013, 02:45 PM

Oh, I don't know.
If Snowflake did not have a graduation party or send out graduation invitations, I think it would be OK. But if people gave her grad presents, it's take to turn around a few weeks later and ask for more stuff.

If Snowflake and Snow Queen Mama are as particular as we speculate, I'm surprised Mama isn't coordinating everything to match...or hiring an interior designer to do that.

adpiucf · #10 07-15-2013, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Puh-lease. That's just a tacky present grab, and kind of even tackier that the mom is hosting it.

No tackier than a baby shower or a bridal shower.

Sciencewoman · #11 07-15-2013, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Oh, I don't know.
If Snowflake did not have a graduation party or send out graduation invitations, I think it would be OK. But if people gave her grad presents, it's take to turn around a few weeks later and ask for more stuff.

Agreed...definitely not both. I've never heard of this kind of party, though. Sounds like one of those "invented" events cooked up by a commercial vendor who stands to profit (like Bed, Bath and Beyond. Just like Hallmark and the floral industry promoting Sweetest Day, Grandparents Day, etc., etc.)

I think it's understood that the graduation party money is *theoretically* supposed to go to college start-up costs: laptop, dorm needs, etc. Many view it as a gift grab, if the invitations are spread too wide, but at least there's the "right of passage" celebration aspect. This feels tacky to me.

Also, Facebook invitation?? They couldn't even spring for a stamp?

adpiucf · #12 07-15-2013, 03:01 PM

I was invited to a housewarming/"stock the bar" party recently. I also felt this was tacky. I think any time people "expect" gifts it is tacky, but in our society, gifts are expected when you go through a rite of passage. It's also become acceptable for the recipient to dictate what gifts they will accept.

As a single (clearly that makes me bitter, right? LOL) woman, I am broke from all of these various "showers" and I'm not looking to graduate from anywhere, buy a home, get married, or have a baby any time soon. Nor can I simply ignore these gift-seeking invitations because then I'm the rude one!

amIblue? · #13 07-15-2013, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

No tackier than a baby shower or a bridal shower.

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. My daughter is starting kindergarten this fall. She needs a bunch of school supplies and school clothes, for that matter. Should I host a back to school shower for her?

Sciencewoman · #14 07-15-2013, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. My daughter is starting kindergarten this fall. She needs a bunch of school supplies and school clothes, for that matter. Should I host a back to school shower for her?

LOL...I dare you to do this!

adpiucf · #15 07-15-2013, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I'm afraid we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. My daughter is starting kindergarten this fall. She needs a bunch of school supplies and school clothes, for that matter. Should I host a back to school shower for her?

I'm sorry. I should have been more clear. I'm agreeing with you. I think that all of these "showers" are ridiculous gift-grubbing shows, and your example is spot-on because it points out: why should we outfit your baby and not your kindergartener? The showers need to stop.