Dorm Shower...is that a thing now?

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

Somewhat on subject, does one bring a gift to a bachelorette party? I'm going to one next weekend and then a shower for the couple the weekend after.

In one of my more embarrassing moments, at my pledge daughter's bachelorette party, I showed up with a box full of naughties, stuff I considered de rigueur for a bachelorette, and everyone else showed up with gifts more appropriately given at a Sunday afternoon tea. So me, the prude of the universe looked like a complete perv. AWESOME. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!!!

[aephi alum]

The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the title of this thread was my school's "Freshman Shower Night" tradition. On the night before the first freshman physics exam, the sophomores and up in each living group would seek out the freshmen on the floor and toss them, fully clothed, into the shower. (I planned ahead and wore a bathing suit. As a result, I was tossed into a COLD shower. LOL!)

Anyway - a "dorm shower", to me, is just a gift grab. AFAIC, the tradition of a bridal shower for a first-time bride and a baby shower for a first-time mom is fine - you need stuff to set up your new household and you need things for the baby, respectively. But bridal showers for second-time brides, and baby showers for second and subsequent babies, are tacky IMO. A little get-together is plenty - and if people want to bring gifts, that's their choice. Same for a dorm shower - have a graduation party, and if people want to bring gifts that will be useful in dorm life (like, say, a shower caddy or memo board), that's their choice.

[summer_gphib]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Teas.
You throw a luncheon or a tea for 2nd or 3rd babies, marriages, etc. Do people bring gifts? Of course. But the guest of honour is then able to act pleasantly surprised. This is also a way to get around the tackiness of a family member throwing a shower. A lovely event celebrating a milestone? Yes. SHOWERS? No.

(Going back to clutching my pearls over all and sundry gift grabs)

I have a friend who has six children... all girls... and a shower for each one. The "daughters" throw them for her now.
I stopped attending after number 3.

[33girl]

If I had been invited to a "dorm shower" I think I would have printed out the thread where Titchou, me and some others talk about how to drink in college, handed it to the guest of honor with a box of Alka-Seltzer, and walked out. Seriously, if you have already blown your graduation $$$ that's your own stupid fault. It makes it seem like someone going away to college is deserving of more than someone who's staying at home and commuting, or someone who's immediately starting work.

This topic brings a tear to my eye, making me think of my mom and I sitting and picking out my sheets and towels in the Sears catalog. I miss my mom.

What about the Good Stuff boxes in the dorms? Do they still have those?

Re housewarmings, well-bred people usually bring food or booze without it having to be stated. That's a given.

As far as showers for non-first time brides or moms, it really depends on the situation. My old roommate is getting married again next fall and the other bridesmaids and I probably will throw her a shower, simply because 1) she pretty much got nothing in the divorce, not that there was a lot there in the first place 2) she never had any shower or big wedding the first time around. I can't think of anything that makes me smile more than the thought of getting her nice matching towels and a gravy boat.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

In one of my more embarrassing moments, at my pledge daughter's bachelorette party, I showed up with a box full of naughties, stuff I considered de rigueur for a bachelorette, and everyone else showed up with gifts more appropriately given at a Sunday afternoon tea. So me, the prude of the universe looked like a complete perv. AWESOME. KNOW YOUR AUDIENCE!!!

This is what I'm worried about. I know the groom better than the bride. In fact I've never hung out with the bride outside of our group/without the groom. I don't know any of the other people attending. I was actually surprised that I was invited in the first place.

[Sciencewoman]

Originally Posted by WCsweet<3

This is what I'm worried about. I know the groom better than the bride. In fact I've never hung out with the bride outside of our group/without the groom. I don't know any of the other people attending. I was actually surprised that I was invited in the first place.

There's a really funny, cute book called "Porn for Women" that would be perfect. It's a picture book with a photo of a cute guy on each page and a speech bubble, with the guys saying things like, "I think we better leave early for the craft fair this Sunday. It might be extra busy with the Super Bowl on."

It's cute because it's classy, yet fits with the theme. I saw on Barnes and Noble that there's also a Porn for Brides, by the same publisher. It looks cute, too.

[thetalady]

If you do attend, nothing says that you have to bring a gift off the approved list. When my youngest
sister went to school, I bought her a pretty pink tool box. I filled it with sample sizes of Tylenol,
Benedryl, Neosporin, Alka Seltzer, alcohol swabs, Q Tips, condoms, Band Aids, Vit C, toothpaste, etc.
All the stuff you used to raid from your parent's medicine cabinet when you were't feeling good,
except maybe for the condoms! Decorated it with silly medical stickers

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by lovespink88

ETA: Is it bad that when I read the thread title I was concerned because I thought "um, what dorms DON'T have showers?". Hey, it's Monday...

I was thinking something dirty, for some reason. I don't know what.. but yea..

Originally Posted by adpiucf

No tackier than a baby shower or a bridal shower.

A baby shower, I can understand. There is SO much to buy, and the entire ordeal is very expensive and overwhelming. Plus, the expenses obviously don't stop once the baby is born. It's nice to help out a family member or friend in that case. I say this, and I don't even want anything to do with kids!

IMO, bridal showers are dumb. I hate the idea that I have to buy someone a wedding gift at the shower, and then another gift for the wedding. To me, you should only get one gift from me. That's why I try to avoid bridal showers like the plague!

Originally Posted by IndianaSigKap

//swerve//

I was just ranting about this to a sorority sister on Saturday night. I received a baby shower invitation from a distant relative who is having her third child in less than 6 years. She has one of each already, so she does not need gender specific items nor infant most infant needs other than diapers. I am tired of this entitlement of "I am having a baby buy me things". Showers were intended to help first time parents out by giving them a head start on setting up the nursery.

And while I am ranting, full blown bridal showers for third time brides. Really? You didn't get enough items during the first two marriages? I have no problem with an engagement party to celebrate the couple or a bachelorette party to give the bride one last wild night out, but having a bridal shower? Again, bridal showers were designed to help newly married couples set up households with essentials. If you have been married multiple times, and your spouse to be has too, then you both already have households to merge.

//back into the lane

Yes! My stepdad's nephew has been married 3 times! The last woman he married comes from money, but it was her first time getting married, so she wanted the whole big production. My mom, of course, was pissed because now they had to spend another few hundred dollars on another shower gift and another wedding gift.. not to mention all the other added expenses that come with attending a wedding.


Two other gift/money grabs that I discovered when I went to school in PA that I absolutely hate: Stag 'n drags and dollar dances.

For those who don't know, a stag 'n drag (which I originally thought was a party that you go to alone and drag someone home with you.. ) is a party prior to the wedding. The couple invites anyone and everyone they know (sometimes even people who aren't invited to the wedding), there's a cover - usually $15-25 - and you get to play games, drink, eat, and socialize. The point is to raise money for the wedding.

Dollar dances occur at the wedding. At what seems like the most imopportune time, the fun music stops, slow music is played, and people line up to pay a dollar to dance with either the bride or the groom. Again, the money is used toward the wedding or the honeymoon.

I was once at a wedding where the dollar dance lasted 45 minutes. It was terrible.

[DubaiSis]

I think dollar dances are horrifying. I had one at my own wedding, but the money raised was not worth the embarrassment of the grubbing for money.

[AGDee]

I hate dollar dances. They were common in my first husband's family but my family didn't do them. I wouldn't do it.

I think people getting married later in life is changing the face of the whole situation but I don't have a problem with both shower and wedding gifts. I don't see a dorm shower being a thing- that's just a graduation party. Call it that and be done.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I think dollar dances are horrifying. I had one at my own wedding, but the money raised was not worth the embarrassment of the grubbing for money.

Exactly. I've always thought, "what did they make? $40, maybe?".. it just doesn't seem worth it, especially when you could potentially be ruining people's good time at the wedding.

[GammaGirl1908]

Ugh. If this is about to become a thing, I am not on board with it. I haven't been invited to one of these, and I reeeeeeeally don't think I'd attend if I were. If this graduate already had a graduation party, she's had her chance to be feted on her way to college. If she didn't already have a graduation party, perhaps she should have had a graduation party (or should call this her graduation party)

I say you get gift-giving parties for:

• birthdays (and the less milestone-y the birthday, and the more often you have birthday parties, likely the smaller the gifts)
• graduations (generally high school and college)
• getting married (and each person gives one shower gift, even if invited to multiple showers)
• first baby (MAYBE second baby if the first kid is now, like, a teenager)

That's about it. In my opinion, there are many other life events where you certainly may host a celebration (and by "host," I mean you are expected to provide the food and drinks), but gifts aren't expected or customary. If someone wants to bring a bottle of wine to your housewarming party, that is lovely, but no one should feel obligated to go trawling through lists at Williams-Sonoma because you moved down the street.

Unfortunately, though, I seem to be in the minority on this one. Sigh.

[GammaGirl1908]

Should have read the whole thread before posting. If they'd called this her belated graduation party, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash. Communication fundamentals, kids.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I think dollar dances are horrifying. I had one at my own wedding, but the money raised was not worth the embarrassment of the grubbing for money.

Agreed.

When my husband and I were planning our wedding, I lurked on alt.wedding (raise your hand if you remember Usenet - LOL), and the topic of dollar dances came up from time to time. The general consensus was that it was tacky. My take on it was, "Guests pay a dollar to dance with me? What am I, a bride or a cheap whore?" I danced with several of our male guests (I even danced with my mom, since my dad is a stick in the mud and refused to do a father-daughter dance) - why? - because they were our guests. Our guests had already bought us gifts, and, in many cases, had spent quite a bit of money to be there on our wedding day. To ask them for additional money to dance with the bride or groom just struck us as ... tacky.

[SilverTurtle]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

I was invited to a housewarming/"stock the bar" party recently. I also felt this was tacky. I think any time people "expect" gifts it is tacky, but in our society, gifts are expected when you go through a rite of passage. It's also become acceptable for the recipient to dictate what gifts they will accept.
!

I have a friend in the process of buying his first house. I just told him I'd heard of the 'stock the bar' party & thought it would be fun. Although I've also been planning plenty of future parties at his new house and plan on drinking some of those beverages. Although - I think it's different when someone else is hosting it, too.

I do think the dorm shower is a bit weird - unless as someone mentioned it's in place of a graduation party.