advice for PNM please!

[lovedbyloving]

I'm rushing in the fall (just a couple weeks away..eek!) and I am REALLY nervous to say the least.

I've read several threads on here about advice, what to expect, what not to say during rush, etc..but I am freaking out. I have a couple of questions:

I go to a southern state school, and from what I've read it sounds like rush at most large southern schools is pretty competitive.

I only have three recs but am interested in about 8 of the sororities.
Is it going to hurt me that I don't have a rec for every single sorority? I'm worried that I won't get an equal chance at each of the sororities because I have so few recs. At my school recs aren't required-it says so on the rush application, but I've heard that they are still really important. Should I be nervous about this? And if so, how do I compensate?

Also..I know a few greek girls through my boyfriend who is in a fraternity. I know in the advice threads it has been mentioned to not bring up boys so I don't plan on going around announcing that I'm dating a fraternity guy, but I have met most of the greek girls I know through him.
So my question is this: if the active greek girls bring him up during rush activities, how should I react?


Any advice/answers to my questions will be super helpful. Thank you so much!

[perfectinpurple]

I'll leave your question about recs and southern schools up to someone who knows better than me.

As far as the boyfriend issue goes, don't bring it up. However, if your rusher brings it up say something to the effect of "Bob is great, and he really got me interested in greek life, you know, I'd love to hear about one of your favorite parts of greek life!"

Just try to bring the conversation back to you... after all that's who they're trying to get to know!

[33girl]

Sorority members are told not to talk about boys, so it's doubtful the subject will come up.

Try very, very, very hard in the weeks you have left to get recommendations for EVERY sorority - not just the ones you are interested in.

[FSUZeta]

at most large southern state schools, recs. will be very important. with so many pnms going thru and first round parties being so brief, recs. are a great way for the sororities to get to know you a bit before they actually meet you in person. recs. may also get you invited back for round 2, especially when many sororities have to release a great deal of pnms after the first round.please know that a rec. does not guarantee an invitation, though. you still have a couple of weeks to work on finding more and i advise you to do so.

i also advise you to give all the sororities a chance. you may be greatly underwhelmed by one of your top eight current favorites and may fall in love with one of the ones you don't think so highly of right now. it has happened before.

if the sorority members you know bring up your boyfriend, you have to acknowledge what they say, but they should know not to do so. for instance, if they ask how he is, you could easily answer that with a "he's fine" and move on to another topic.

speaking of boyfriends, you might want to keep your feelings about the chapters under your hat-if the girls who know you and your boyfriend see him out and about, they may be tempted to quiz him on what other houses you are visiting and what you think of all the houses, which might come back to bite you. just be careful.

[lovedbyloving]

Thank you guys so much, this has been really helpful.
I'm currently emailing every single female teacher I had in highschool to see if they were greek.

Also, I'm glad they're not supposed to bring him up.

Another question..
My understanding is when I get to each house on the first day, I'll be paired with an active who will teach me about the sorority and ask me questions and all that jazz. If I'm in a house and know another girl in there, is it okay to go up and say hi? Or am I supposed to stick with the girl I'm assigned to the entire time?

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by lovedbyloving

My understanding is when I get to each house on the first day, I'll be paired with an active who will teach me about the sorority and ask me questions and all that jazz. If I'm in a house and know another girl in there, is it okay to go up and say hi? Or am I supposed to stick with the girl I'm assigned to the entire time?

She might pick you up! Often a sorority will try to pair girls who know each other to make the PNM feel more comfortable. But that may not be the case, and certainly won't be the case for all rounds. When you're with another active, it's fine to mention that you're friends with the other sister - just don't make it sound too name-droppy. DO NOT run off to go say hi - there's nothing more frustrating for active than a runaway PNM who you have to corrall back into your area. The suster with you has been told to stay with you at all times. Also, it's rude to walk way from your hostess. The sister you're with may take you over to say hi, but you should only be going over there if your hostess takes the lead. The other sister is probably on a rotation and may not be able to chat with you without disrupting the pattern. It's nothing personal. You'll probably be switched around to a few different sisters during the party, so you may get to chat with her later - but again, if you don't get to, it's not because she's avoiding you - she's just in another rotation.

ETA: By "another girl" I assume you mean another sister. If you mean a PNM - no, you should not be going to talk to your friend during the party. It's rude and you should be focusing on learning about the sorority and making a good impression, not chatting with other PNMs.

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by littleowl33

She might pick you up! Often a sorority will try to pair girls who know each other to make the PNM feel more comfortable. But that may not be the case, and certainly won't be the case for all rounds. When you're with another active, it's fine to mention that you're friends with the other sister - just don't make it sound too name-droppy. DO NOT run off to go say hi - there's nothing more frustrating for active than a runaway PNM who you have to corrall back into your area. The suster with you has been told to stay with you at all times. Also, it's rude to walk way from your hostess. The sister you're with may take you over to say hi, but you should only be going over there if your hostess takes the lead. The other sister is probably on a rotation and may not be able to chat with you without disrupting the pattern. It's nothing personal. You'll probably be switched around to a few different sisters during the party, so you may get to chat with her later - but again, if you don't get to, it's not because she's avoiding you - she's just in another rotation.

Agreed. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, because I know these things can vary from school to school, but it's likely that the active who picks you up will direct you to a place to sit where you guys will chat for a bit, and you'll probably stay at that spot the whole time. You really don't do much "mingling" within the party, so you're not going to have the opportunity to walk away and say hi to someone. The actives are the ones that do the "mingling".

Again, that's how they do it at my school, and I'm under the impression that's how it as at most schools, but correct me if I'm wrong!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by lovedbyloving

Another question..
My understanding is when I get to each house on the first day, I'll be paired with an active who will teach me about the sorority and ask me questions and all that jazz. If I'm in a house and know another girl in there, is it okay to go up and say hi? Or am I supposed to stick with the girl I'm assigned to the entire time?

In addition to the advice that's already been given, remember: the girl you know ALREADY KNOWS YOU. Assuming you're talking about the sorority members, this may give you a leg up over other PNMs. Your goal is to make a good impression on as many members as possible. If you've already done that with a couple girls because you know them, don't worry about them, and focus on meeting other new people (i.e. the random girl who picked you up).

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by lovedbyloving

Thank you guys so much, this has been really helpful.
I'm currently emailing every single female teacher I had in highschool to see if they were greek.

Teachers are a great place to start! There are other people you could ask too. Don't forget:

Older friends from HS
Friends of your older siblings
Older siblings of your friends
Parents' friends
Friends' moms
Coworkers/bosses
women from your place of worship
coaches/activity sponsors/school staff

Remember that when you find one Greek, she (or he!) will almost certainly know other Greeks. This applies to fraternity men, as well as sorority women who are in a sorority not at your school. Double check with your rec writers to see if they know alumnae from other sororities.

Do keep digging. It's good that you have "weeks" instead of "days".

[lovedbyloving]

so i just reread the entire thread and i'd like to apologize to everyone.
i said that i felt like some of you were being rude because i got defensive.
i came here to ask for advice from people who know more than i do and that's exactly what i got. it just wasn't what i was hoping to hear.
forgive me for acting the way i did.

i'm not having much luck securing more recs, but i am doing everything that i can. i've emailed all my old highschool teachers and am asking literally everyone i know. hopefully i will come upon some luck soon.

thanks everyone for the advice. it has truly made me think about the mindset i was going into rush with and i now hope that i can change it and will be able to ACTUALLY go into it with an open mind instead of just saying i am.

thanks and i'm sorry again.

also i have a thought about what someone said about sending in college grades.
my highschool transcript isn't terribly impressive, but i worked really hard my first semester at college and made a really good gpa. i feel like my college transcript is going to save me during rush! i'm glad i gave myself that opportunity to show everyone that i'm a serious student.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by lovedbyloving

i'm not having much luck securing more recs, but i am doing everything that i can. i've emailed all my old highschool teachers and am asking literally everyone i know. hopefully i will come upon some luck soon.

thanks everyone for the advice. it has truly made me think about the mindset i was going into rush with and i now hope that i can change it and will be able to ACTUALLY go into it with an open mind instead of just saying i am.

thanks and i'm sorry again.

also i have a thought about what someone said about sending in college grades.
my highschool transcript isn't terribly impressive, but i worked really hard my first semester at college and made a really good gpa. i feel like my college transcript is going to save me during rush! i'm glad i gave myself that opportunity to show everyone that i'm a serious student.

No need to apologize.

Something I wanted to note though, is that depending on where you go to school, your college GPA may not make up for your lack of recs. There are certain schools where 99% of the girls have great GPAs and multiples recs per chapter. It is tough, but some places, recs are really important.

It's August though and there may not be a whole lot you can do about lacking recs at this point. Keep trying and if you don't get them all you just have to do the best you can see what happens.

[lovedbyloving]

i think i may have found the jackpot for recs.
my best friend from highschool's older sister is president of her house at a different school. i know she knows a lot of people in different sororities and i've known her since i was a kid so i think she'll be able to help me out.
hopefully this is good news for me.

yay

another note...
are there any other pnms out there that are as nervous about rush as i am? getting more recs (keep your fingers crossed) will help calm my nerves but i'm still super nervous and i don't even know why. anyone else feeling like this?

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by lovedbyloving

I only have three recs but am interested in about 8 of the sororities.

First word of advice: Get your head out of 'favorites'. If you are only going to consider a small fraction of the entire Panhellenic system you are setting yourself up for failure.

Is it going to hurt me that I don't have a rec for every single sorority? I'm worried that I won't get an equal chance at each of the sororities because I have so few recs. At my school recs aren't required-it says so on the rush application, but I've heard that they are still really important. Should I be nervous about this? And if so, how do I compensate?

Personally, I would be worried. Southern schools have a reputation for being VERY competitive. Even if it says they aren't required, I'll be willing to bet it DOES help.

There is no way to compensate for not having recs. If you still have time, go out and find recs for the rest of the groups.

All of them.

Not just the 8 you like before rush. Contact the alum panhellenics. Contact family friends, etc.

Also..I know a few greek girls through my boyfriend who is in a fraternity. I know in the advice threads it has been mentioned to not bring up boys so I don't plan on going around announcing that I'm dating a fraternity guy, but I have met most of the greek girls I know through him.
So my question is this: if the active greek girls bring him up during rush activities, how should I react?

If you already know greek girls, why not reach out to them? THey probably have friends who have since graduated who may be able to help you with recs. I don't know what the 'silence' rules are at your school, but if it's allowed before rush, you should give it a shot.

Re: your boyfriend, sorority women will be told not to bring up boys.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by lovedbyloving

I'm rushing in the fall (just a couple weeks away..eek!) and I am REALLY nervous to say the least.

I've read several threads on here about advice, what to expect, what not to say during rush, etc..but I am freaking out. I have a couple of questions:

I go to a southern state school, and from what I've read it sounds like rush at most large southern schools is pretty competitive.

I only have three recs but am interested in about 8 of the sororities.
Is it going to hurt me that I don't have a rec for every single sorority? I'm worried that I won't get an equal chance at each of the sororities because I have so few recs. At my school recs aren't required-it says so on the rush application, but I've heard that they are still really important. Should I be nervous about this? And if so, how do I compensate?

Also..I know a few greek girls through my boyfriend who is in a fraternity. I know in the advice threads it has been mentioned to not bring up boys so I don't plan on going around announcing that I'm dating a fraternity guy, but I have met most of the greek girls I know through him.
So my question is this: if the active greek girls bring him up during rush activities, how should I react?


Any advice/answers to my questions will be super helpful. Thank you so much!

Do you find it contradictory that you're worried about having an equal chance due to not having recs, when you've not given the groups an equal chance since you haven't gone through recruitment yet? You compensate by going into recruitment with an open mind and giving all the sororities a chance.

You need to ask yourself why only eight are your favorites, and then decide if you want to limit yourself based on ideas of groups you've never met, that other people have told you about, and then decide if you want to limit yourself to eight and chance disappointment and not being in a sorority at all.

I doubt that the women will bring him up as many recruitment techniques are to not talk about boys. If a woman says "I met you though Mike, right?" that's different than saying "Aren't you Mike's girlfriend?" so just acknowledge that you met through him and don't go on about him because it may hurt you if you're talking about your relationship and they would like to share their sisterhood with you and get to know you better.

[KSUViolet06]

You should have recs for all chapters (or as many of them as you can find).

At some schools, it's hard to make it past the first day without recs.

I also think it's not smart to have favorites. I mean, what if none of the 8 that you like ask you back?

The more open-minded you are, the less likely you are to be disappointed if your faves don't ask you back.