de-pledging ?

[sweatcandy0590]

ok so here's my dilemma. i've pledged at a sorority on my campus, but I just dont seem to be like the other girls, it's a terrible fit for me. I've tried to stick it out and get to know the girls, but i got my bid from them in august and it's now november (and initiation is next month), and it seems to actually be getting worse. the girls i have connected with all want to drop.

this is why i wanted to drop my sorority and try rushing again next fall. from what i've heard, it will be extremely hard because i'll be a sophomore and i'd already accepted a bid from another sorority. however, in my defense, i missed the first day of recruitment, so instead of meeting all of the houses i only met half took my pick from those, so i never had the right start.

do you think there's a chance of getting a bid from anyone else if i drop ? i'd rather be in what i'm in now than not greek at all, but i'd MUCH rather be in a sisterhood where i feel connected, not like the only black sheep.


help !

[RU OX Alum]

you felt something in your sorority right? Maybe get those girls who want to drop to stay and then you will have each other, to start with at least, and can bid more girls like you. This is your college experience, so you are the one who should shape it, but not knowing anything about your campus, no one can really say how hard it will be for you to get a bid somewhere else.

I don't think that the people who would not bid you because you already pledged somewhere would see missing the first day of recruitment as an acceptable excuse to depledge though.

It's hard to say, though, what you should do, without knowing anything hardly about your situation. Are you not connecting with your pledge class, or with other/older members? Do you have a big sister? Is it a big pledge class? A big campus??

I would try finding maybe someone else in your sorority to talk to, or someone you can trust.

Remember though, connections take time, friendship isn't always right away.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by sweatcandy0590

from what i've heard, it will be extremely hard because i'll be a sophomore and i'd already accepted a bid from another sorority. however, in my defense, i missed the first day of recruitment, so instead of meeting all of the houses i only met half took my pick from those, so i never had the right start.

If that's what you've heard, it is probably right. No one is going to care that you missed the first day of rush this go-round - as a matter of fact, people from that group of sororities you didn't go to might hold it against you. ("You rushed last year? I don't remember you. You weren't at our party? You just blew us off? WTF?")

It sounds as though you HAVE connected w/ some of your pledge sisters, so just go with that. If the group of you sticks it out, you can help choose the next pledge class.

[GammaPhi88]

Is it just that you haven't connected? Or when you say that its getting worse does that mean that you are being hazed? Or perhaps you are burned out on pledging, as a full semester new member period is long, and rather uncommon for these days.

From what you say, campus culture makes it very hard to get a bid as a sophomore with a history of depledging, so in my honest opinion, you should not drop out with the intentions of rerushing. Realize that what RU OX Alum said is correct, friendships are not instant, and it can take more than a few months to connect to the girls. I did not connect with my best friends in the house until a few months after I initiated. Talk to the girls you can trust, and try hard to talk to an older sister that you think you can trust.

Take 33girls advice to heart and realize that you may connect more with the next pledge class because you helped choose them.

However, if you try...and really try (this doesn't mean you can half-ass trying to connect with your sorority and then claim that they didn't reach out), and you are still not getting anywhere, then do yourself and your sorority a favor and quit. Its not good for you or them to stay in a place where you will be constantly unhappy. I know you said that you would rather be greek and in this house than not greek at all, but do you really want to be in a place for the next 3.5 years where you are uncomfortable? Think about this before you decide.

You do have girls you connect with, and if you all do stay, there will be connections for all of you. Really try your best...sororities are lifelong, and they deserve your absolute best shot.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Honestly, I don't think my chapter would have ever given a bid to someone who had de-pledged another chapter on campus. Not only would we doubt her loyalty, but since we were friendly with the other chapters, we wouldn't want to strain those relationships either.

[KSUViolet06]

If people are telling you that sophomores have a hard time getting bids. they are probably correct. So if you DO drop out, understand that you may not get a bid next year if you rush again.

Something to ask yourself:

Are you making an effort to meet and get to know other members? Or are you sitting back and waiting for them to reach out to you? Developing friendships is a two way street. You can't just sit back and expect girls to become BFFs with you just because you're a new member.

I've seen plenty of girls drop out claiming that "they just didn't connect" when they never really tried to.

You have to reach out to other girls, and invite them to do stuff too. Also, don't just hang out exclusively with girls in your NM class. Get to know other girls as well.

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Honestly, I don't think my chapter would have ever given a bid to someone who had de-pledged another chapter on campus. Not only would we doubt her loyalty, but since we were friendly with the other chapters, we wouldn't want to strain those relationships either.

See, I was on the opposite end of the spectrum.

I de-pledged a local because they hazed the shit outta me. AGD gave me a bid because they believed that I should see what true sisterhood was about.

To the OP, follow what 33girl said. If you decide to leave, there's no way to tell whether or not you'll get a bid next year. But, as you've said, you've got 2 strikes against you already. And, should you choose to rush again next year, you'll be rushing with girls who have no strikes against them. Also keep in mind that so many things can happen between now and next Fall -- things that could potentially hurt your chances even more. Are you willing to take that risk?

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by sweatcandy0590

ok so here's my dilemma. i've pledged at a sorority on my campus, but I just dont seem to be like the other girls, it's a terrible fit for me. I've tried to stick it out and get to know the girls, but i got my bid from them in august and it's now november (and initiation is next month), and it seems to actually be getting worse. the girls i have connected with all want to drop.

Can you elaborate as to why you and your friends want to drop? It doesn't make sense to me that if you've found sisters you connect with, you still want to drop. I have two guesses, but I'll let you enlighten us. Remember, yours is not the last pledge class you'll see during your time as a collegian. You'll be able to help recruit the next pledge classes and you might find that you connect better with younger sisters than older sisters.

Originally Posted by sweatcandy0590

this is why i wanted to drop my sorority and try rushing again next fall. from what i've heard, it will be extremely hard because i'll be a sophomore and i'd already accepted a bid from another sorority. however, in my defense, i missed the first day of recruitment, so instead of meeting all of the houses i only met half took my pick from those, so i never had the right start.

Were you happy on bid day or were you not so jazzed about your chapter throughout recruitment? Missing the first day of recruitment definitely could have altered your results, but I highly doubt any chapters would see that as a valid reason for depledging and trying to rerush.

Originally Posted by sweatcandy0590

do you think there's a chance of getting a bid from anyone else if i drop ? i'd rather be in what i'm in now than not greek at all, but i'd MUCH rather be in a sisterhood where i feel connected, not like the only black sheep.

Without knowing your campus, we really don't know the culture of depledging and rerushing. If you've heard from people at your campus it will be quite the uphill battle, it probably will. The bolded part also confuses me. Can you elaborate why you'd rather be in your current chapter than not Greek at all?

Bottom line: I think it comes down to how much effort you are willing to put in to find your place in the chapter. If you're going to be a complainer, or you just want to stay for the sake of wearing Greek letters, do everyone a favor and quit.

[AOII Angel]

There is no magic sisterhood that makes you feel connected just by getting a bid. If you want sisterhood, then you have to work for it. Make an effort to get to know other people in your chapter. You wouldn't instantly connect with your biological sisters either if you just met them. You have a connection to your biological siblings because you were raised together and went through lots of things together. Sisterhood is built over years of shared experiences (good and bad) and shared values. I think we do PNMs and NMs a disservice by suggesting that you can realistically get a true connection with a chapter or its members instantaneously.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Can you elaborate as to why you and your friends want to drop? It doesn't make sense to me that if you've found sisters you connect with, you still want to drop. I have two guesses, but I'll let you enlighten us. Remember, yours is not the last pledge class you'll see during your time as a collegian. You'll be able to help recruit the next pledge classes and you might find that you connect better with younger sisters than older sisters.

During my new member period, I didn't feel that I truly "connected" with anyone. For the most part, I was just going through the motions without a thought about who was going to be my "best friend" and/or "favorite sister". I would go to my meetings, go to my events, and I remember I had a good time, but I knew there was a reason this chapter chose me to be a part of it, and I didn't have a second thought about it for the few months that I was a new member.

I don't really keep in touch with any of the sisters that came before me. I don't even really talk to my big all that much. But my pledge sisters, my little, and a few other girls that came after me are the people that I still contact from time to time, if not a few times a week. And they were the ones who truly became my friends. It's not that I didn't like the older sisters, and it's not as if we didn't have a good time when we hung out, I just found that my better friends were the ones who were initiated with me or after me.

If you weren't getting along with anyone at all, I'd probably be concerned. But if you have girls that you're connecting with, why not stick it out with them?

I've heard it go both ways. For some chapters, sisters from all new member classes bond with one another... for other chapters, sisters bond with the girls in their new member classes more so than with other members. What is your chapter like?

You say that your sorority is a terrible fit for you. Why? Are sisters mistreating you? Do you feel left out? Do sisters not seem to make an effort to get to know you? (If this last statment applies to you, maybe you should try to get to know them. Remember, they were sisters/friends before you joined. Naturally, they're closer with each other than they would be with you right now). What was your recruitment situation like? You said you couldn't go to half of the houses, but how many did you actually go to? Did you still see a good number of sororities? Were you happy where you preffed? Were you wary about this house before you signed your bid? Or were you excited that you got to be a part of their organization?

If you don't want to tell us, at least ask yourself why you truly want to drop. I don't know the details of your situation, but if you like your sorority, if you like your chapter, if you like some of the girls, generally I would say to stick it out. But if you're having MAJOR problems, then CONSIDER dropping. But understand that with that, you might not be a part of Greek life at all.

[honeychile]

Someone asked me about this exact scenario a few years back. I urged her to try her best, to get to know the sisters better, and to try to keep the other new members who were dropping together for the next year.

Almost a year to the day she was initiated, she cancelled her membership. I won't go into the details, but her life at the house had become intolerable, and I fully yet sadly understand her decision.

This is such a personal decision that NOBODY but you can make. If you're initiated, and it doesn't improve, you may come to hate greek life. If you drop, you don't stand a wonderful chance next year - unless you know sisters in other sororities extremely well.

Make a list of Pros and Cons, keeping an open mind, but also remembering that greek life is never all cute & fluffy. Hope you make the decision which is right for YOU.

[micky80]

I agree with a lot of the posters here. When I rushed, I was thrilled to get my first choice house. But during pledging, and even after initiation, I felt kind of out of place. I thought the girls were really cliquey and bitchy, and I dreaded Monday night dinners. I seriously considered depledging. Then, when I moved into the house the next year, I really got to know people and made life-long friends. I am so glad I stuck with it.

m

[sweatcandy0590]

you're all making really valid points, but i want to clear a few things up to really get good advice.

i missed the first day of rushing because i'm from out of state, and because of severe weather conditions in the state i go to school in now, my flight was delayed. in fact, two days or rush got cancelled and crammed into one because of the weather, and that was the day i missed.

secondly, don't get me wrong, all the girls in the chapter i'm in now are sweethearts, and are by NO means hazing me, its just that (and i know this will sound superficial and dumb, but for the sake of being honest) i can never find any of my sisters that are willing to go out, which i love, or really do anything that i like to do. i usually end up going out with a large group of other chapters' sisters, making me think that i've been in the wrong place all along. because of our lack of common interests, conversation and common ground is something difficult to come by.

this may not make much of a difference, but i didnt want to put out the wrong message.

[KSUViolet06]

Question: Are you saying that there is not ONE girl in the chapter who shares your interests? Or is that what you're assuming?

You really do have to put yourself out there and hang out with different groups of sisters before you can say that NO ONE in the chapter shares your interests. It's hard to believe that out of an ENTIRE chapter of girls, not one will go out with you.

And to be quite honest, yes going out is fun, but is that the only aspect of the sorority that makes you want to quit? I find that to be really silly, especially if there are other things about the chapter that you like.

Also, something to ponder: How do you know that you'll even get a bid if you depledge and rush again?

And if you did get a bid to another chapter next year, how do you know that girls in THAT chapter will share your interests? It could end up being the same situation all over again.

I always encourage people to stick it out, just because you never know what you could be giving up. However, if all you're going to do is sit back and complain about people not wanting to go out with you, maybe it's best for you to drop out (thus mkaing room for someone who actually wants to be there).

[agzg]

I can't get past the username. No offense, but sweaty candy? GROSS!