What did I do wrong?

[als463]

Originally Posted by tifferini

Okay seriously... I don't know if its the fact that I don't know how to put what I mean into words. But I'm not pretty. I'm plain and average. I'm not saying other girls aren't beautiful. The only reason I talked about appearance was because someone misunderstood what I mean about "It wasn't appearance-based." One person said, "Maybe you weren't pretty enough." And I replied with, "I know its not appearance." I didn't mean this to be like I am the pretty one. I meant that I look like these girls who got into the sororities I liked. The ones that weren't the most beautiful because I know I'm not the most beautiful.

This is probably how you came off during recruitment. One minute you are saying you are very attractive and the next you are trying to say you didn't mean that. By saying that some of the less attractive girls got bids tells me (and many other people on this forum) that you think your s*** doesn't stink. Well, now those "ugly" girls are in sororities and you are not. I wonder why....

[tifferini]

Originally Posted by als463

This is probably how you came off during recruitment. One minute you are saying you are very attractive and the next you are trying to say you didn't mean that. By saying that some of the less attractive girls got bids tells me (and many other people on this forum) that you think your s*** doesn't stink. Well, now those "ugly" girls are in sororities and you are not. I wonder why....

I'm really sorry about this. I just can't express myself well. And I agree that this is probably one of the reasons during recruitment. And I do feel that this is an misunderstanding.

[DubaiSis]

Sadly, this thread has been beat to death. The answer is the houses that you wanted didn't want you. Chances are they won't want you at any point in the future. There was a house that did want you but for whatever reason you didn't want to join. The members here know that not all sorority relationships start with emotional hearts and flowers and that these relationships can take time to build. However, you are not willing to hear any of this, so the point is moot. We can turn to snarkiness and tell you that you're great and they're byatches and the whole world is wrong except you, but what good would that do?

It is time for you to accept that you didn't pass go with the houses you wanted. So you either suck it up and accept the house that DID want you, or find something else on campus to be a part of.

Sororities are FRIENDSHIPS, not marriages. And even if it were like a marriage, it takes a lot of work to make it run smoothly. And lots of compromise. You're not willing to compromise, so that's that.

Please find a non-sorority group to be a part of.

[LouisaMay]

In recruitment threads (and in real life), we hear so much talk about "connections" and feeling like a girl really "clicks" with a chapter. These feelings are just that...feelings. Feelings are fickle, and only time can reveal true friendships. First impressions are really funny things. They don't tell you who is going to show up at your door with chocolate after a tough exam, who will lend you cute shoes in a pinch, who will cry with you when someone you love is hurting or sick, or who will never be more than a quick "hello" in the hallway. I can't help but think that we manufacture that feeling of "connection." It's not surprising that it isn't always mutual.

tifferini, it is always great to better yourself, but the results of recruitment don't reflect your true worth as a person (I know I've said this on GC before). You don't need to make yourself into "Greek material." Just do what you do. Enjoy your year, and when recruitment rolls around again, think about whether the sorority experience would be a good addition to your life at that time. If so, go through recruitment and see what happens. The thought of you cramming in extracurriculars, trying to meet the "right" women, and measuring yourself against the girls in letters makes me so sad Just enjoy your time and make some good memories. Maybe they will include sorority sisters in the future.

[OPhiAGinger]

Tifferini, from what I can read in your posts you did keep your mind open to the sororities that invited you back, even going so far as to attend the pref party of one that you didn't feel comfortable with. And in declining the bid you received, you exercised your side of the much ballyhooed mutual selection process. Kudos to you for not taking a spot away from a sister who was dreaming of joining that chapter!

I think you are wise to realize that the limitations imposed by formal recruitment really limited your exposure to all of the sororities, including the one that liked you so much. It's a great idea to get to know them over this next semester and then, if you feel like Greek Life is still something you want to pursue, you'll be much better equipped to give informal recruitment a try. Just keep LouisaMay's advice close to heart: don't try to make yourself into something you're not. Be yourself and have fun in college, whether it's in a GLO or in another type of organization.

[ellebud]

Okay ladies may I remind some of us, including me, that the OP is eighteen years old? She is confused, sad, and based on her last post (perhaps only now) really insecure. She, like many others, are in a new place, away from her comfort zone.

She made mistakes in recruitment. I don't think we (including the OP) really knows what happened and why. She asked more experienced people and frankly kept digging herself in deeper.

Read her last post. The kid is hurting. Let's chalk it up to: She screwed up (or not), she types (or speaks) without editing herself, and her first major move in college was (in her eyes) a disaster. And that, in my eyes, is sad.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Read her last post. The kid is hurting. Let's chalk it up to: She screwed up (or not), she types (or speaks) without editing herself, and her first major move in college was (in her eyes) a disaster. And that, in my eyes, is sad.

True. For alot of girls, recruitment is likely the first major disappointment they've encountered (especially if the PNM is a pretty accomplished high schooler).

The best thing to do is treat it as a learning experience, should you choose to try again next year.

[als463]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Okay ladies may I remind some of us, including me, that the OP is eighteen years old? She is confused, sad, and based on her last post (perhaps only now) really insecure. She, like many others, are in a new place, away from her comfort zone.

She made mistakes in recruitment. I don't think we (including the OP) really knows what happened and why. She asked more experienced people and frankly kept digging herself in deeper.

Read her last post. The kid is hurting. Let's chalk it up to: She screwed up (or not), she types (or speaks) without editing herself, and her first major move in college was (in her eyes) a disaster. And that, in my eyes, is sad.

Ellebud-while I applaud your sympathy for her, I don't think she deserves much slack for the garbage she talked. She, like many other women who think they are above different chapters, blew her chance. I don't feel the least bit sorry for her. She isn't a child. She made her bed...I think you know the rest....

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by als463

Ellebud-while I applaud your sympathy for her, I don't think she deserves much slack for the garbage she talked. She, like many other women who think they are above different chapters, blew her chance. I don't feel the least bit sorry for her. She isn't a child. She made her bed...I think you know the rest....

I would consider myself to be a pretty honest GCer and am certainly not one to coddle PNMs or blow sunshine.

However, I think you need to chill just a tad.

[als463]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I would consider myself to be a pretty honest GCer and am certainly not one to coddle PNMs or blow sunshine.

However, I think you need to chill just a tad.

I'm just getting sick of all of these girls coming on GC looking for sympathy after telling us in their initial post that they felt they were "too good" for certain undesirable chapters. It disgusts me and you'll have to excuse me for coming off as being b****y regarding this, but it gets on my nerves.

If a girl really wants to go Greek-they need to stop being snobs!

As someone, like yourself, who is completely Panhellenic-minded, I am irritated for the women of the other organizations because all 26 NPCs have something great to offer. For the record, I plan on letting any other OP who comes on GC looking for sympathy, that I don't feel bad for them if they choose to have a bad attitude going through recruitment.

[tifferini]

Originally Posted by ellebud

Okay ladies may I remind some of us, including me, that the OP is eighteen years old? She is confused, sad, and based on her last post (perhaps only now) really insecure. She, like many others, are in a new place, away from her comfort zone.

She made mistakes in recruitment. I don't think we (including the OP) really knows what happened and why. She asked more experienced people and frankly kept digging herself in deeper.

Read her last post. The kid is hurting. Let's chalk it up to: She screwed up (or not), she types (or speaks) without editing herself, and her first major move in college was (in her eyes) a disaster. And that, in my eyes, is sad.

Thank you for your encouragement.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

True. For alot of girls, recruitment is likely the first major disappointment they've encountered (especially if the PNM is a pretty accomplished high schooler).

The best thing to do is treat it as a learning experience, should you choose to try again next year.

Yea, I was an accomplished high school student. And I know that college is a different experience now.

Originally Posted by als463

Ellebud-while I applaud your sympathy for her, I don't think she deserves much slack for the garbage she talked. She, like many other women who think they are above different chapters, blew her chance. I don't feel the least bit sorry for her. She isn't a child. She made her bed...I think you know the rest....

And I do understand why I don't deserve any sympathy for you. Thanks for setting me straight. I think I have been letting things get to my head lately.

[qbt1990]

@ OP - I'm really sorry, I really feel for you. I understand what you were trying to say. It sucks that this happens to really cool girls all the time...
I hope you do eventually go through recruitment again and find your home! (even though I'll probably get flamed for that statement whatevs!) <333

[KDMafia]

I'm not on here as much as before so maybe I have a higher tolerance but I think part of the reaction to the posters is that there are SO many of them right now.

Like we always tell the PNMS. It's a MUTUAL selection process. The girls get a choice too. They may not be happy with the choice and they may be upset but if they don't want to be in a chapter then maybe they shouldn't be. I understand that there is something to say for trying and sometimes you do try and it works out but I also know of girls who knew in their heart it wasn't the place for them and did it anyway and ended up dropping after pledging and having to wait a year and not just because the house wasn't the "top" house but just because they felt that since a house wanted them they should do it whether they were unhappy in the room.

Remember, we make judgements about PNMS on short meetings and are constantly warning them how their behaviors can be misinterpreted. Well sometimes PNMS do that about sororities as well. Why should they have to be understanding about sororities when we tell PNMS that one mistake could mean they're cut.

That being said I encourage you to try again and work on getting to know girls in the sororities so help make an informed decision

[UGAalum94]

And let's not forget to be grateful that they are asking about it themselves rather than their moms doing the asking.

It's normal for them to be disappointed, and they don't have to take any group that wants them or forfeit being disappointed.

Sure, it's nice to remind them that they were still likely wanted by one or two remaining groups, but honestly, when they drop out before bid day, we don't even really know that they would have matched to any group. They might have been too low on the remaining groups' bid lists to match. Who knows? (ETA: the op here apparently got a call on bid day, so it's a little different than the couple of other threads.)

They can either try to continue recruitment though COB or re-rushing, or they can explore their other options on campus other than greek life. But not wanting to become a member of any particular chapter doesn't make you a bad person (although I do think it's odd when girls who go without bid feel superior to girls in who joined, not that this is going on here, but I've seen it in real life.)

[tifferini]

I'm really sorry that I offended a lot of you. I sincerely didn't mean to do that. Though I want to go into recruitment again, I am rethinking my choices because I don't know if I'm Greek material... Hopefully, I will be able to better myself in these upcoming months and maybe figure out what direction I want to take this.

Thanks for all the replies. You guys have helped me out a lot.