What did I do wrong?
 

Recruitment for my school's sororities was this last weekend.
And I went in with an open mind on who I wanted to join. I didn't start forming opinions until day 2. During day 1, I thought I did really well with certain 3 houses (the conversation flowed, there wasn't any awkward silences). And it was because the conversation went really well that I ranked these houses as my top 3 (out of 6 sororities). But on day 2, I found out that I was only invited back to two sororities for house tours. Neither of those two houses were my top choices.

I was just wondering if there was anything I did wrong for my top choices to not pick me? I know it's a mutual selection. And it's not like I dressed inappropriately or talked about other sororities. I asked lots of questions, asked them about their sorority involvement, told them of my own involvement in school, etc.

Another note: on preference night, I was invited back to the sorority that I didn't feel any connection with. I went to preference night but I decided to drop out of recruitment afterward. But apparently they really liked me since one of their sisters personally called me and asked me to reconsider my choice and giving their house another chance. This made me feel really guilty because they were all really nice, I just didn't feel like I belonged there. I told them I wasn't going to join this semester but I'll keep an open mind for spring rush as well as next year.

You've answered your own question in the bolded text.

Well, my main question is... Why didn't they choose me? I know it's not appearance.

Do you attend a school where recommendations are accepted? If so, there may have been other PNMs with more compelling recommendations. Similarly, on many campuses, your high school transcript and resume are very important. If your grades in high school weren't super high, or you didn't commit yourself to extracurriculars, the sororities may have been more impressed with other women.

It also doesn't mean they intentionally "cut" you per se, they just didn't put you at the top the list. You could feasibly have been just one spot short of being invited back (I'm sorry if that makes you feel worse instead of better). Perhaps there were a large number of legacies, or PNMs that knew active sisters well.

As for spring rush, I would suggest meeting sisters in the various chapters and getting to know them. Truly hitting it off and becoming friends with someone is going to mean a lot more than a 20 minute rush conversation, and so they're more likely to pull for you.

And as for the group that did invite you back, I would really try to get to know them better. In my experience on both sides of rush, chapters often are better than PNMs at predicting good matches. I see women who are lukewarm entering chapters that are thrilled to have them, and a few months later they're never seen without letters.

Best of luck!

No one on Greek Chat can tell you why you were cut. I'm sorry, but that's the honest truth.

This.

But seriously, give the house who's interested in you another chance. As a member of a small chapter on campus I can tell you it was really hard to get past the perceptions rushees had (yes, I'm old). But I loved my house and we had all the sisterhood you'd ever want or need. Plus, you can be a step in them gaining the reputation you want to have in a sorority.

Talk to them, attend some events, and see if you don't change your mind in a couple weeks. Formal recruitment is so ridiculously stressful, and you can't help but put too much importance on stuff that SOOO doesn't matter. I mean girls will actually cut houses because of their chants. That is just silly, but understandable when you're trying to remember houses later, all those girls and the heat, blah blah blah, and that's what stands out.

Good luck!

No-one can answer this, not even the chapters on campus. The harsh reality is that you had an opportunity to be member of a sorority and you opted out. You concentrated on what you wanted to have instead of what you did have. You are doing the same now.

Take advantage of your opportunities now, or you will always wonder where those opportunities went, and why. It's a life lesson many people never learn, or learn too late.

They decided not to give you a chance just like you decided to not give a chance to the sorority that really liked you. The others just weren't into you, but no one on Greekkchat will be able to tell you exactly why.

I understand what you're saying. But isn't choosing the sorority supposed to be concentrating on what I want?

Also, I had a 3.86 high school GPA. I was ASB president and captain of the volleyball team. I was the main organizer for fundraisers of the charities our school supports. I volunteered at an animal shelter. I did school choir.

It's just a little confusing, and I admit that I am disappointed.

Aww someone's a poor sport for deleting what JC said.

I didn't delete anything. It wasn't me! -shakes head-

Its not just what you want. Its what the sororities want too. Hence, the "mutual" part of mutual selection.

It sounds like you are accomplished for your high school, but are you average compared to other PNMs going through? This is something to consider. There is a really good thread around here somewhere that talks about being in high school as a big fish in a little pond vs being a small or average fish in a big pond in college.

The membership selection process is private - very private. Noone can tell you why you were cut or what/if anything you did wrong. At this point, you've chosen not to be greek. You need to dust yourself off and move on, grow a little, and get adjusted to college. If after a semester or a year you still want to be greek and are willing to take on the risk of going through and getting cut again, then go for it.

That's the thing, it's not just about what *you* as a PNM want, it's what the chapters are looking for as well.

Chances are there were a hundred other women going through recruitment who have similar or better resumes. Despite good conversations, etc.. cuts have to be made. No one will ever be able to tell you why you were released. Not here and not on your campus. It is disappointing and humbling for many girls, but that's life. And there are no guarantees that the outcome will be any different if you choose to go through recruitment again.

Well, I'm going to try recruitment again. Thanks for the feedback. It was just weird because the chapter that invited me back was one I didn't feel any connection with. And I felt a connection with the others so I was just wondering if they didn't feel the connection with me.

Also, would it be wise to contact the president of the sorority I like to ask them if they have open recruitment later on?