Is sex really that big of a deal?

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Diamond Darlin’

I think shes right, I think you have to have lived it to fully understand it.

They have lived it....they're just speaking a different language now.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

See, I get what you're saying (sort of) about doing things that you wouldn't do with "just" a friend. But you're missing the point of "friends with benefits" -- why would friends with benefits want to find ways to be emotionally close without sex? The whole point of friends with benefits is to have sex without being emotionally close -- you have fun and do your thing without any emotional attachment or involvement. It's not even about being physically close to someone -- it's about, well, getting off and then going away. "Closeness" isn't the point. Holding hands, cuddling, and being "emotionally tied" are things you do with your boyfriend -- that's much more "relationshipy" than friends with benefits.

I have a hard time imagining a guy who would consider your version an actual "benefit," unless he's really, really into you or a huge pussy who can't get any anywhere else and is hoping it will happen someday. I mean, can you imagine a guy going home after a night of holding hands and cuddling and being all, YEAH that was awesome I totally scored!!? I'd call him your "pre boyfriend" or "pal" but not a friend with benefits.

I really, seriously intend no disrespect at all -- I just don't get it.

[Jimmy Choo]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Hon, if you're a virgin, you do NOT have friends with benefits. Unless they're only getting the part-timer's compensation.

This is one of the best things I have ever read on GC.

[Dionysus]

Maybe I'm not as horny as I thought, because I don't see it being that big of a deal either.

[cheerfulgreek]

AKA Monet, you know so much. You're good .

I sat out of college for a year and through the 5 years I've completed I'm finally graduating this year . Throughout college I slept with one guy. My X who turned out to be a jerk. He new I was a virgin and he treated me like a queen until one thing led to another. After that he started acting like a jerk, then he cheated on me. I was so hurt. I dated other guys but I wasn't intimate with them. At the time I wanted my X back. He kept wanting to get back together, and I did everytime, thinking he would change, but he didn't. He only would want me back whenever he had a problem with semen back-up , if you girls know what I mean. He wants to get back again now, but I'm not going to do it again. I think sex is great but only with a guy who really cares for me and loves me. Don't give in if you don't think it's right, remember guys will use you. They're such pigs, well at least most of them are. Make sure he's caring, loving and of course attractive to you. Sometimes it's hard to to tell, but you'll know. Make him wait a long long time and see how long he sticks around. If he bails, then he's a pig. Well, then again I made my X wait a year. He waited, but I heard that he had other girls on the side without me knowing about it. He such an ass. Well good luck!! Keep us posted.

[tld221]

for a minute i thought cheerfulgreek = christiangirl. anyone else?

[James]

They are not the same?

Originally Posted by tld221

for a minute i thought cheerfulgreek = christiangirl. anyone else?

[PrettyBoy]

I don't think it's a big deal at the beginning. Now, eventually I'm gonna be ready to get busy with her, but for the most part, I gotta know the girl for a while before I'm intimate with her. She has to be the one. I've always been a one woman man, so I've never been down with sleeping around with a lot of women, that's why I wouldn't get involved with a woman who has slept with a lot of guys. I didn't and don't sleep around, so I don't think I should be with someone who has. Christiangirl if I were you, I would wait until you either get married or find the right guy. It really is no way to know if you'll get it right the 1st time, that's the risk you'll have to take. Men/women now a days are a trip. People just aren't into long term courting and marriage like they were 50 years ago. It's all about who can I take home from the club tonight, or how can I brag about taking a woman's virginity. Hold out as long as you can. Good luck.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

No one is more superior to anyone, you'll never hear me say that. All we said is that you can be physical without having sex. I don't think you guys realize that virgins have our own language. Most people see "friends with benefits" being synonymous with (excuse my slang) "f--k buddy." In virginese, the "benefits" in question can include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, making out, etc. OR even just being emotionally tied--literally, things you wouldn't do with just a friend. The creativity is finding ways to be physically and emotionally close without sex being involved--and by being creative we mean the virginese creative not the do every nasty, freaky thing on the planet but claim we never actually had intercourse creative.

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

The whole point of friends with benefits is to have sex without being emotionally close.

No disrespect taken! This is your FWB definition. It's not mine. I don't really wanna use this example, but it may help you get what I mean: My cousin overheard a convo I was having with my sister and told his mom that I was talking about having an "affair" with someone (his word, not mine). She of course hit the roof! She said, "And what do you think an affair is?" And he said, "You know...a romance." Technically, he's right: an affair is "an intense, amorous relationship" which is the definition that he knows. It does NOT literally mean having sex with someone who is taken, but that's what 99% of people mean when they say it. So he's really not wrong--just different from the majority because it's not even in his realm to think about it another way. Because sex is a non issue, my FWB cannot possibly be the same as yours--in other words, I'm not missing the point, I just have a different point than most people....did that help or did it just make you wanna throw a cyber-dictionary at me?

Originally Posted by epchick

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

Not everyone in relationships have sex--thus the point of this thread. My view being different from yours does not make it screwed up. It makes it different from yours.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by epchick

Um...no. If you want to believe that kissing, making out, etc is being a "friend with benefits" well then go right ahead with your screwed up view. The term is around to define people who are "friends" (not in a relationship) who do things people in relationships due---have sex, have oral sex, etc.

Why is her view screwed up? That's her opinion. Because your view is different from hers doesn't make her view screwed up.

Oops! LOL. I just saw where she already posted the same thing. :-)

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't think it's a big deal at the beginning. Now, eventually I'm gonna be ready to get busy with her, but for the most part, I gotta know the girl for a while before I'm intimate with her. She has to be the one. I've always been a one woman man, so I've never been down with sleeping around with a lot of women, that's why I wouldn't get involved with a woman who has slept with a lot of guys. I didn't and don't sleep around, so I don't think I should be with someone who has. Christiangirl if I were you, I would wait until you either get married or find the right guy. It really is no way to know if you'll get it right the 1st time, that's the risk you'll have to take. Men/women now a days are a trip. People just aren't into long term courting and marriage like they were 50 years ago. It's all about who can I take home from the club tonight, or how can I brag about taking a woman's virginity. Hold out as long as you can. Good luck.

O.K. I have to ask you a question, and I'm not trying to be sarcastic in anyway, so don't take offense to it. Just answer the question. If you're this faithful one woman guy , why are you single? According to some of your past post you're single, unless you've gotten into a relationship since then. I'm asking because I can't see why you would be single if you're this one woman "cute" guy that you call yourself. I'm just really curious. How long would you have to know the girl before you're intimate with her?

[AlphaFrog]

I just want to say that "everything BUT sex" 'virgins' (especially for faith reasons) annoy me.

If you're doing everything but so you remain chaste - you are missing the point. (Hey, what'd ya know - I actually learned something in my Catholic HS education)

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Because sex is a non issue, my FWB cannot possibly be the same as yours--in other words, I'm not missing the point, I just have a different point than most people....did that help or did it just make you wanna throw a cyber-dictionary at me?

I totally understand that, and of course you're free to have whatever definition of FWB you want to have. However, it does make communication difficult when you refer to a generally understood concept but mean something completely different from what most people mean. If you say "FWB" and how you have to "be creative" to nonvirgins, many of them, like I did, are going to think this means you're hittin' up every orifice but the one. As long as you're only talking to other virgins or fully explain yourself every time, you'll be fine.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AKA2D '91

Onlee euw, Soror!

But you know I'm right...