Please Help! I just have questions...

[OHNOITSJESS]

Originally Posted by i <3 myself

vanity fair:
i don't think these people will be helpful in answreing ur questions. ive been on here 4 an hour and nooone has answered mine. i dont get it.

ZOMG! mayb bcuz yu type adn wriite liek dis.

ETA: in addition to the Membership Selection thing.

[mittens]

Originally Posted by i <3 myself

vanity fair:
i don't think these people will be helpful in answreing ur questions. ive been on here 4 an hour and nooone has answered mine. i dont get it.

Of course you don't get it, you're just that dumb.

[33girl]

1. Formal pledging ceremonies have NOTHING to do with bid cards (or bid computer sheets or whatever you submit after pref) being binding or with you being truly bound to a sorority. Some sororities have a formal ceremony on bid night, some halfway through pledging, some may not have one at all. It's private and confidential and part of a sorority's ritual. Therefore, there's no way Panhel could include it in the rush rules.

2. ZBZ didn't give you a bid. Worse yet, you had girls there leading you on. They probably said "I can really see you here" to 90% of the girls they met during rush. Sororities just aren't supposed to say things like that to the rushees!! These chicks sound shady, and you should count your blessings that you WEREN'T bid there. Quit thinking they wanted you, because if they did, they would have bid you. They wanted you to want them, which is an entirely different situation.

3. You have been around Tri Pi for a WEEK. You have more sisters than just your pledge class. Give it time. You aren't going to be any further ahead if you quit - you're going to be "that girl who was dumb enough to quit Tri Pi because she thought ZBZ wanted her. What a deludanoid!!"

[jessipoo915]

vanity fair,

I can say my situation was very much like yours. I dont think i felt truly at home with my chapter until I moved in to the house. While i never seriously considered dropping or depledging, I can relate to not feeling like I fit in with my pledge sisters.

Having said that, I found other ways to get involved in the chapter outside of my pledge class. I joined exec board the semester after initiation and I am now chapter president. I sometimes think about how awkward I felt in those first few months, but what you get out of Greek life is what you put in to it. I chose to give it my all and it has been the most beautiful, rewarding, exciting, decision I have ever made for myself.

Think long and hard before you pass up on something that might be just as great.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

you listed zbz first on your bid card. if they had listed you on their bid list, you would be a zbz now. because you heard they snap bidded people, meaning they had not reached quota, and they had spaces to fill, they undoubtedly did not think you would be a good fit for their chapter. it is unlikely that that will change next year.

Actually if the OP put ZBZ #1 and ZBZ didn't make quota, the OP would have gotten a bid. Panhellenic wouldn't have gone to the OP's #2 choice until the #1 had reached quota. I suspect ZBZ snapped because some PNMs declined their bids. That or they weren't technically snap bids, but rather COR bids issued shortly after Bid Day because ZBZ was still below Total.

Regardless, OP you just weren't high enough on the ZBZ list to get a bid. That means they didn't want you as much as they wanted other PNMs. So even if the 1 year rule wasn't in place or if you suicided ZBZ, there is a lot of doubt that you would have gotten a bid from ZBZ anyways. I'm not trying to be hurtful or mean, that's just the reality of the situation.

You got a bid from girls that like and want you. I find it sad that you are willing to throw that away after only a week. From what you posted, your only real issue is that everyone else is "rah, rah, yeah Tri Pi!" and you're not. It's natural for you to feel let down, but I strongly suggest you give them more of a chance before making this major decision. By that I mean give them a real chance. Go hang out and get to know the sisters. Don't just show up when you have to for a meeting.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Actually if the OP put ZBZ #1 and ZBZ didn't make quota, the OP would have gotten a bid. Panhellenic wouldn't have gone to the OP's #2 choice until the #1 had reached quota. I suspect ZBZ snapped because some PNMs declined their bids. That or they weren't technically snap bids, but rather COR bids issued shortly after Bid Day because ZBZ was still below Total.

Regardless, OP you just weren't high enough on the ZBZ list to get a bid. That means they didn't want you as much as they wanted other PNMs. So even if the 1 year rule wasn't in place or if you suicided ZBZ, there is a lot of doubt that you would have gotten a bid from ZBZ anyways. I'm not trying to be hurtful or mean, that's just the reality of the situation.

You got a bid from girls that like and want you. I find it sad that you are willing to throw that away after only a week. From what you posted, your only real issue is that everyone else is "rah, rah, yeah Tri Pi!" and you're not. It's natural for you to feel let down, but I strongly suggest you give them more of a chance before making this major decision. By that I mean give them a real chance. Go hang out and get to know the sisters. Don't just show up when you have to for a meeting.

this!! too many girls only show up for mandatory things and then can't understand why they aren't feeling it.

zillini, thanks for clarifying my statement. i did not say it as well as you did.

[vanityfair5]

To reply to a lot of the questions on here:

I DID Pref at ZBZ. Tri Pi was my 5th choice initially, but after my other 3 choices got knocked off my call-back list, they became number 2. There WAS something I liked in the girls, but only enough to put them at number 5. They were nice and friendly, the kind of girl I could sit next to in class and chat with, but NOT the kind of girl I would try to hang out with outside of class. They really are great, I don't dislike them, but I just don't fit in. For a lot of reasons: they all wore Ugg boots when I wore heels to a meeting; I did my hair and wore tons of jewelry for Bid Day and none of them did; a lot of the girls came in already friends and now have their "groups"; they are all petite brunettes and I'm taller and have blonde hair; some of the older girls were making fun of sororities my other friends are in. Just a lot of reasons I don't fit. Some are superficial, YES, but that doesn't mean they don't feel like real reasons to me!

For whatever reason, I just don't feel the click. Some people can force it on themselves, and others can wait till they find it. But for me, I have felt it almost instantly with EVERY friend I have. There is no friend I have now that I haven't felt a connection with right away. So I think that says a lot...

Would it be so bad if I just dropped out now, for mostly personal reasons, and tried again next year? Not gunning for ZBZ, but looking at ALL sororities at my school. There are 14.

What would YOU do??????

[vanityfair5]

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

[ADPiTigergurl]

Ok so normally the more sororities there are the more competitive rush is going to be. With that said you will be a sophomore, going through a more competitive rush and already having accepted a bid and then dropping. They won't know why you dropped they will just know u did. Therefore you run (what I'm going to assume please correct me if im wrong) a fairly high chance that you may NOT recieve a bid. Lets face it if it is down to 2 girls with the same GPA, recs, activities etc. they are more likely to give it to the freshmen who didn't already drop out of a bid. SO would you rather be a Tri Pi or not be Greek at all, that is pretty much what it comes down to? ALso this sounds like you went through formal meaning you already saw all 14 chapters and for whatever reason they dropped you (AS ZBZ DID!!!) or you dropped them.

Also about your reasons for droppng. Yes they are pretty superficial. Sorry but I have to ask are they holding formal meeting every week? Based on your description of what yall were wearing, I'm going to say they aren't. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But if they aren't why did you feel the need to dress up? (We hold formal neeting on a weekly basis, and we would love to be able to come to meeting in jeans and uggs and ditch the heels) I'm not saying it is bad, I'm just saying maybe it isn't quite what you were expecting, and that why your hesitant to liking them. "Because it doesn't fit it with what your friends sororities are doing or because its not the stereotype you were hoping to find."

[ADPiTigergurl]

Originally Posted by vanityfair5

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

ok so this is random and i know everyone says the Greek community is over programmed but have they really held 3 socials and 2 parties in a week? That just seems really extreme to me...

[Xylochick216]

Like others have said, the connection won't always be instant. I remember being so overwhelmed during my new member period and trying to get to know so many people. I didn't actually get to know many of them very well during my new member period. I studied abroad the next semester, and when I came back, I was thrown right into recruitment. Sisters I didn't know because my closest friends, and they're the ones who are my best friends today.

Also, I wouldn't worry about them having different fashion than you. Having someone who is a little different from the majority is always a good thing. I'm sure there are more people who share your tastes than you realize.

Bottom line: It's hard to genuinely get to know women in a short period of time in a setting that may be outside of your comfort zone. But you get out of it what you put in. Going through recruitment as an upperclassman can be difficult and could hinder you from being Greek at all. Think about that before you make any decisions. If you won't be happy at all, then by all means depledge. Just remember: as Zillini said, if Tri Pi hadn't made quota, then you would have been on their bid list because you listed them first.

[AnotherKD]

I have been reading this thread and want to add one thing that came from my experience. When I was a sister going through my first spring recruitment, there was a girl that was rushing with a friend of hers. I don't really know why, but we did NOT click at all. She was on my hall freshman year, and for some reason we just didn't like each other. She didn't even want to rush our house because I was a member. She only came to our events because her friend basically dragged her there.

As you can guess, she pledged us. Half a semester later, she and I chose each other as our big/little. She became one of my very best friends and we were in each others' weddings.

I know that the things that you've listed seem to add up to a lot in your mind, but they don't seem to be big things to me. Everyone has a "What if?" that they sometimes think about. You've gotta take what you've got and run with it sometimes- you'll come to find that you will get out of it what you put into it. If you've always wanted to be greek and now you've been accepted into an organization, then make it what you want. Want to get involved with more houses? Run for office or for Panhel. Participate your ass off in things like Greek Week. Make your greek world and your college world what you want. It goes by SO fast.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by vanityfair5

To reply to a lot of the questions on here:

I DID Pref at ZBZ. Tri Pi was my 5th choice initially, but after my other 3 choices got knocked off my call-back list, they became number 2. There WAS something I liked in the girls, but only enough to put them at number 5. They were nice and friendly, the kind of girl I could sit next to in class and chat with, but NOT the kind of girl I would try to hang out with outside of class. They really are great, I don't dislike them, but I just don't fit in. For a lot of reasons: they all wore Ugg boots when I wore heels to a meeting; I did my hair and wore tons of jewelry for Bid Day and none of them did; a lot of the girls came in already friends and now have their "groups"; they are all petite brunettes and I'm taller and have blonde hair; some of the older girls were making fun of sororities my other friends are in. Just a lot of reasons I don't fit. Some are superficial, YES, but that doesn't mean they don't feel like real reasons to me!

For whatever reason, I just don't feel the click. Some people can force it on themselves, and others can wait till they find it. But for me, I have felt it almost instantly with EVERY friend I have. There is no friend I have now that /I haven't felt a connection with right away. So I think that says a lot...

Would it be so bad if I just dropped out now, for mostly personal reasons, and tried again next year? Not gunning for ZBZ, but looking at ALL sororities at my school. There are 14.

What would YOU do??????

Re the bolded, come back here in 20 years and tell us how many of these friends are still in your life.

If they're making fun of sororities your friends are in, SPEAK UP and tell them it bothers you. You will be respected for it. (Although I think there's a certain amount of goofing on other groups in every sorority behind closed doors - just to release the tension of dealing with each other all the time. The problem comes when it gets out in the open or when there's real anger towards others involved.)

Re the fashion thing...part of the reason they probably liked you is BECAUSE you dress differently from them. Beware, beware, beware of "clone sororities." This group is confident enough in themselves to invite someone who's different. My guess is you'll be lauded for that, not criticized like you might be in another group for wearing the "wrong" shoes.

As far as rushing again double ditto everything ADPiTigergurl said. Your situation in rush will get worse, not better. If you truly want to be Greek, take this shot and make it work, and stop looking at the outside. If you have a temporary sponsor, talk to her. She might be able to give you a better handle on things.

[AOII Angel]

It sounds to me like you have your mind made up. What are you waiting for? Someone to come on here and tell you that everyone has been wrong and yes, you can pledge another chapter? Sorry...you're stuck for the year! I'll tell you what I told one of my chapter sisters who was a double legacy to another chapter on campus and didn't get a bid to that chapter. She was UNDERSTANDABLY upset when she came to our bid day party. SUCK IT UP! This may be your only chance at a greek experience. Crying and wishing you could be in the other chapter will get you nowhere. Ten years down the road you'll really be wondering "what if" but it'll be "what if I'd really given Tri-Pi a chance?" You won't make connections, feel included or be comfortable if you don't WANT to.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by vanityfair5

Oh and I've been attending non-mandatory events I have gone to two regular socials, one sister social, spent the night at an older girls house, and gone to 2 Tri Pi pregame/ parties.

That's good, but how have you been attending non-mandatory events? Have you gone to every event judging the girls' clothes and thinking "OMGZ- ZBZ would NEVER have a {insert theme here} social!". Or, have you gone to every event thinking "Hey, I'll give these girls an honest chance."

Because if it's the former, no wonder you haven't felt a connection! (A) You are radiating an I-don't-want-to-be-here personality. No one will befriend or even reach out to that person and (B) you've gone in with a mindset set in stone.

TRY. Don't just go to events but TRY. Invite a sister who admires your cute heels or jewlery to go shopping with you. Go out for lunch with someone who is in your class. TRY.

Finally, a lame non-GLO-based analogy:

I have to take Analytical Chemistry to graduate with a degree in my second major. I hate Analytical Chemistry, with a bloody, bloody passion. I could drop out of Analytical Chemistry, because I can graduate with one degree, go to Medical School, and be happy.

But I really want that second degree: I feel like it contributes a lot to my undergraduate experience. So, I'm stuck in a class I hate 5 days a week, at 7:45 on three of those days.

So, I've been trying to find pieces of it I enjoy. And, I'm finding (much to my surprise) that I like Analytical Chemistry. I don't really mind waking up early anymore and I'm enjoying the class, after I tried really (REALLY) hard to like it.

Yes, there are parts of it that perpetually suck. But, I'll find that in any class I take.
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ZBZ (I'm 100% positive on it) has parts you would dislike, maybe more than you know. Try and find things in Tri-Pi you enjoy; I'm positive you'll end up finding at least a few things you like!