Loved Ones Agianst Sororities :(

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

He's totally childish. I just read your most recent post. He sounds terribly needy.

He is, but you cant tell him that. He's extremely defensive. He will argue you down...and when you have him cornered in to the point that there is nothing else that he can say......he will end it with "My mind is not gonna change, so its up to you."

[KappaKittyCat]

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

He doesn't want me to seek support any where else. He wants to be everything.

That right there - to me, that screams abuse. It doesn't matter if he's not hitting you or threatening you, it's still abuse. "Do what I say or I'm going to leave" is abusive.

My gut, from what you've posted: Whether or not you join a sorority, you need to get out of that relationship. I know you love him, but this doesn't sound good for you. By keeping you from developing social networks other than him, he's kept you from growing into a whole person at the precise time in your life when you're supposed to be growing into a whole person. If he leaves you 5 or 10 years from now, you'll be in a lot worse shape.

Get out now.

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by jessicaelaine

Just saying "it will work out" or "everything will be fine" probably isn't enough for him. Find out his real concerns and make a plan to help combate those. Like, if he thinks you wont spend any time with him, and you will choose the sorority over him you should make a plan that maybe every wednesday night is date night and no matter what is happening with the sorority you will spend that night with him. If he is afraid you will change because of the sorority make a plan that you will give it a try and one month from joining you will have a serious talk about what if anything has changed and together you can reevaluate your joining.

When I was a freshmen, I had a boyfriend who was very against me joining a sorority, so I didn't. But we broke up, I joined my sophomore year and now I'm the chapter's president.

Aww! Congratulations! I dont wanna wish bad luck on us.....but it would make my life a lot easier if we broke up. Easy, but not happier. I am extremely happy being with him, but I could be even happier with him and me joining. Then, he would be even more humiliating to bread up with him and not be accepted!!! That would be the worst of it all!!! But I will always keep a positive attitude and work hard to get what I want. I have to put it in god's hands.....I wish I could speed up my boyfriend coming along and getting with the program! lol

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by KappaKittyCat

By keeping you from developing social networks other than him, he's kept you from growing into a whole person at the precise time in your life when you're supposed to be growing into a whole person. If he leaves you 5 or 10 years from now, you'll be in a lot worse shape.

By the end of this semester, Iim going to write him a long, well thought out, well put together letter telling him that I'm going to do it. I tell myself what you just said all of the time, hearing someone else say it makes me feel worst that i havent done anything. I have never been the type or person to let anyone accept family and elders tell me anything. I cant let him run my life....I know 10 years from now I will hate him if I dont do it.

[Senusret I]

Let's not forget that this is an NPHC sorority and it's your senior year (isn't it?).

Although all the advice that has been given is sound, I'd say that the chances of you joining an NPHC are just plain different than if you were going through NPC rush.

First, if you are not accepted, then he seems like he will be saying "I told you not to try."

Second, if you regroup, stay with him, and then decide to pursue an alumnae/graduate chapter, it's the same old argument.

I don't like this guy.

[MSKKG]

In your 1st post, you said that he said that joining a sorority is a want not a necessity. In the post where you mentioned your 2 jobs, you enumerated all his wants concerning your decision. He can have wants and you can't?!? Let me reiterate what others have said, get out of this abusive relationship now!

Really from some of the things you have said, it doesn't sound like you love him but are just used to being in a relationship with him. Look down the road. Will he not want you to join a garden club because it will take time away from him? Will this friend or that family member not be acceptable to him? He is a controller--that is not love.

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I don't like this guy.

i get a slight vibe that i shouldnt like him too...

i think he knows you will be busier and won't have time for him. and any man that will keep you from your dreams is no good for you. his correct response should have been "oh wow! well lets hope things go well! i wish you the best" and not that 6 year old whiny answer you got.

part of being in a relationship is sacrifice. my sis-in-law embodies that the best of any spouse i have ever met. she moves cross country while her husband does computer work. every year its a different city, and she never complains. she knows his goal, she knows his dream, and she backs it up. she never holds him back. and your "boyfriend" shouldnt hold you back either.

once you pledge xyz, you will be meeting lots of men in fraternities...who knows what type of guy is out there? i know there will be one who understands. so yeah, i agree with everyone else. skip the letter you plan on writing and let him know you two are on two separate pages in life and its totally not going to work. and do it now so he doesnt assume its the sorority. because down the road there will be more things he is going to threaten to leave you over. it wont stop.

[Little32]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

I don't like this guy.

^^lol. Neither do I.

[Titchou]

Amen and amen!

[RareTreasure]

I thank you all for your replies. I just dont know how to go about making it happen. Where do I start? I dont want to just straight out tell him its over, your controlling, and im joining!

[Kansas City]

Sounds to me that he might be looking for an excuse to break-up. Five years is a long time when you're in your 20's but is very short when you are looking at spending the rest of your life together. If you decide against a sorority, what will his next ultimatum be? Live life for yourself first and do what you want to do ... the rest will work itself out.

[AOII_LB93]

It's your life not his. If you're a senior in college you're probably 21-22. There are plenty of men, not boys, out there who would support your decisions yet you choose to stay with a boy.

Are you really that happy if you're "talking" to a bunch of people online about how controlling he is? Perhaps you're not mature enough to let him go and get on with your life.

[RareTreasure]

True, he is truly a nice person.....I'm just more into helping him realize his ways are not going to get him any where with me or any woman, but how could you tell a guy that without offending him? I dont feel that I'm not being mature by having not let him go, but I'm not being selfish....I'm trying to keep him in mind while i make decisions, because I would want him to do the same it the shoe were on the other foot. Is that bad?

[Bamamom13]

He sounds very controlling. If he can control you now, than he will think that he can control you later. What happens after college? Will he control what job you take? What if the best job means that you have to move? You are an independent woman...do what your heart and brain tell you to do. This sounds almost like a Dr. Phil show.

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by Bamamom13

This sounds almost like a Dr. Phil show.

lol......i know it does...I wish he would go to some sort of counseling with me, but oh no!!!! He would never!