Men and women and breakups: Dissapointment vs. Betrayal - Page 2

Sugar08 · #16 05-08-2007, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Of course, it could have been because in the pic, he was wearing the shirt and tie that I gave him.

Boooooo! I've been there, and it sucks.

I think guys definitely feel relieved, but I wouldn't go so far as to say all women feel betrayed - I just remember feeling very sad for a long time after my first college boyfriend and I broke up.

cheerfulgreek · #17 05-10-2007, 12:24 AM

I broke up with my X because he cheated on me. I never caught him in the act but I knew he did. He even admitted to it, after I broke up with him. Well, after I broke up with him, he kept begging to get back together, so I did, but I just couldn't stop thinking about what he did, so I broke up with him again. He thinks I betrayed him the 2nd time because I broke up with him for no reason. I should have never taken him back the 1st time.

AKA_Monet · #18 05-10-2007, 12:48 AM

All my break ups have been complete except for 1. Totally complete. No contact order is in effect... Better for my thought process.

Anyhow, if I broke up with my husband, I would move far away and change my hair color because that's what I usually do with I break up with someone. In this case, I probably shave my head like Brittney Spears and extremely lighten my hair color.

When I had break ups they were due to betrayal and disappointments. Folks break up for various reasons.

deeznutz · #19 05-10-2007, 10:06 AM

Simply put,
DISAPPOINTMENT:you feel sorry for them 4 a minute.....
BETRAYAL:you just gotta get down to it....and call CHEATERS just for the CONFRONTATION which is the best part.....

JOEY GRECCO IS MY HERO!!!!!!

Who nutz???????DEEZNUTZ!!!!!!!

ASUADPi · #20 05-30-2007, 11:21 PM

I think it depends on the breakup. I just ended things with a guy who we were having some issues. We discussed them over the phone and everything seemed okay and we were still making plans to see each other, then 3 hours later I get a nasty email and he is just chewing me to peices. He took on the "womans" role that James mentioned. What happened was that I was honest with him, I told him that I wanted to continue dating him to see where it would head but at this point in the relationship that I wasn't seeing marriage, kids and growing old together, which he was. My honesty hurt him and he lashed out. He started blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship (which I had said that I definately was at some fault). When I told him that I thought we should break up and take a step back and if we were truly "meant to be" we would be two weeks to two months from now, he did a 180 and started begging me not to break up and was saying everything was his fault.

I can't say I feel betrayed or really even disappointed. As crazy as this sounds I'm somewhat relieved. He was rushing the relationship (and all my friends and family are telling me it was because he has no family of his own) and I just wasn't ready to be "his family". Plus, I'm not sure how I entirely feel being with someone that insecure.

I can say though in other relationships when things end I definately have felt vindictive and upset, so I do agree with what you have said James.

christiangirl · #21 05-31-2007, 04:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AGDee

I think it depends on the people involved and the nature of the break up. I do think that the feeling of betrayal comes when there has been cheating going on, or the breaking of what were interpreted as promises. "I'm going to love you forever", "There will never be anybody else for me", "When we get married.." etc. It also feels like betrayal if there was expression of deep affection just prior to the break up. Boy says "I love you" and "makes love" and then breaks up shortly after.. that gives rather mixed messages. It's like "So you loved me two days ago and today you never want to see me again?". I think that a lot of the time, the break up was a long time coming but the person continued with the same habit of saying the same things and acting the same way, thereby blindsiding the person.

Ditto. That's exactly my brain in words.

The only real relationship I have been in, I ended myself and was relieved to do so, so I can't really give you personal opinion on it. The only example I can think of right now is my friend's relationship ending after almost 4 years. She's very vindictive and bitter, however he was an a-hole about it, so I see why.

christiangirl · #22 05-31-2007, 04:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

I can't say I feel betrayed or really even disappointed. As crazy as this sounds I'm somewhat relieved. He was rushing the relationship (and all my friends and family are telling me it was because he has no family of his own) and I just wasn't ready to be "his family". Plus, I'm not sure how I entirely feel being with someone that insecure.

This is EXACTLY why I ended my last relationship. Were we with the same guy???

Munchkin03 · #23 05-31-2007, 07:28 PM

Eh, I think it's based more on who's initiating the split, and not gender-specific.

I was freaking relieved and happy as hell when I broke up with my boyfriend of 5+ years, and he was the one who felt a little betrayed.

silviabelt · #24 12-02-2007, 07:41 PM

I recently experienced a betrayal. My boyfriend of 12 years just started a relationship with a mutual friend that treated me like a friend and i love her son...took him to parks and had. I felt like I wasn't worthy as a woman since it was all a big shock to me. The last month he has broken all communication with her. We are tying to get passed this but it is really hard. i recently wrote her a letter letting her know that I feel betrayed by her as well and she went beyond moral and ethical boundaries as a friend a mother etc... how painful this esperience has been and how it has affected both of us negatively etc... Should I send this to her or not? I'm not sure it would be appropriate or not. I guess i'm looking for advice or answers to feel better.

tld221 · #25 12-02-2007, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silviabelt

I recently experienced a betrayal. My boyfriend of 12 years just started a relationship with a mutual friend that treated me like a friend and i love her son...took him to parks and had. I felt like I wasn't worthy as a woman since it was all a big shock to me. The last month he has broken all communication with her. We are tying to get passed this but it is really hard. i recently wrote her a letter letting her know that I feel betrayed by her as well and she went beyond moral and ethical boundaries as a friend a mother etc... how painful this esperience has been and how it has affected both of us negatively etc... Should I send this to her or not? I'm not sure it would be appropriate or not. I guess i'm looking for advice or answers to feel better.

decided to take it slow huh?

(sorry, couldnt help it)

umm seriously, call me naive and idealistic, but if you two were friends like that and you with the guy for 12 years, im going to need you to not write her a letter. be a bigger woman and confront her head on. i mean she took your man! 12 years and you punk up behind a letter?

cheerfulgreek · #26 12-02-2007, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silviabelt

I recently experienced a betrayal. My boyfriend of 12 years just started a relationship with a mutual friend that treated me like a friend and i love her son...took him to parks and had. I felt like I wasn't worthy as a woman since it was all a big shock to me. The last month he has broken all communication with her. We are tying to get passed this but it is really hard. i recently wrote her a letter letting her know that I feel betrayed by her as well and she went beyond moral and ethical boundaries as a friend a mother etc... how painful this esperience has been and how it has affected both of us negatively etc... Should I send this to her or not? I'm not sure it would be appropriate or not. I guess i'm looking for advice or answers to feel better.

Was he your boyfriend while he was seeing her at the same time he was with you?

cheerfulgreek · #27 12-02-2007, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

decided to take it slow huh?

(sorry, couldnt help it)

umm seriously, call me naive and idealistic, but if you two were friends like that and you with the guy for 12 years, im going to need you to not write her a letter. be a bigger woman and confront her head on. i mean she took your man! 12 years and you punk up behind a letter?

It sounds like he cheated on her with her close friend, but then again it sounds like they had already broken up. I'm just trying to figure out which one it is.

It sounds like she planned on stealing him from her all along without her knowing it. I'm surprised she didn't see any signs? I guess I would have to agree with you. Either way, I wouldn't write a letter either. It's not like it's going to change anything. 12 years is a long time, and I know it's easier said than done, but I would try and move on.

PrettyBoy · #28 12-03-2007, 12:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silviabelt

I recently experienced a betrayal. My boyfriend of 12 years just started a relationship with a mutual friend that treated me like a friend and i love her son...took him to parks and had. I felt like I wasn't worthy as a woman since it was all a big shock to me. The last month he has broken all communication with her. We are tying to get passed this but it is really hard. i recently wrote her a letter letting her know that I feel betrayed by her as well and she went beyond moral and ethical boundaries as a friend a mother etc... how painful this esperience has been and how it has affected both of us negatively etc... Should I send this to her or not? I'm not sure it would be appropriate or not. I guess i'm looking for advice or answers to feel better.

Your friend didn't steal your boyfriend. He left on his own. You can't make him stay. Write a letter to her? Why? That's pointless. You literally thought about wasting your time to write a pointless letter to a trifling low down slut who claimed to be your friend who cares nothing about you? Move on to newer and better things. There's a lot of good men out there, and you'll find one. Just whatever you do don't go back to that low down joker you were with for 12 years. He'll be back, and you'll probably take him back. Most women make this stupid mistake, but if you do, all he's going to do is do it again. He's going to cheat on your friend too. Watch.

Good luck to you.

tld221 · #29 12-03-2007, 01:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Your friend didn't steal your boyfriend. He left on his own. You can't make him stay. Write a letter to her? Why? That's pointless. You literally thought about wasting your time to write a pointless letter to a trifling low down slut who claimed to be your friend who cares nothing about you? Move on to newer and better things. There's a lot of good men out there, and you'll find one. Just whatever you do don't go back to that low down joker you were with for 12 years. He'll be back, and you'll probably take him back. Most women make this stupid mistake, but if you do, all he's going to do is do it again. He's going to cheat on your friend too. Watch.

Good luck to you.

i know you meant well PB but dayum if i aint LOL... and why the friend gotta be all that for? lol

PrettyBoy · #30 12-03-2007, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

i know you meant well PB but dayum if i aint LOL... and why the friend gotta be all that for? lol

Because she is. Why couldn't she get her own man?