how do sororities decide?

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Kddani,

It wasnt as simple as going back for me. I had other issues and it would have been an extreme inconvenience for me to go back. If one of the chapters I was really interested in invited me, it would have been worth it and I would have figured out a way to make it there and dealt with the other issues. However since it was a chapter I had very little interest in, it was not worth the trouble..

Extreme inconvenience? Explain.

[swtlilsoni]

OTW,

I don't have to answer to you but for the sake of your curiosity I have a swollen tendon and would have had to wrap an ace bandage around my foot and limp around campus for three hours (and I only tried walking for 10 min at my house and could barely do it, who knows how able I would have been after another two hours)

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

OTW,

I don't have to answer to you but for the sake of your curiosity I have a swollen tendon and would have had to wrap an ace bandage around my foot and limp around campus for three hours (and I only tried walking for 10 min at my house and could barely do it, who knows how able I would have been after another two hours)

QFP.

FWIW, we once had a girl who showed up to two parties despite having the flu. She looked miserable and pale, but that's how bad she really wanted to be there. She missed the third party, but we invited her to Pref because we knew how dedicated she was.

If you didn't even bother giving this one group a chance because of the reasons listed above, then I'm sorry. No amount of advice on GC is going to help you.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Kddani,
However since it was a chapter I had very little interest in, it was not worth the trouble..

Unfortunately, it was the only sorority that had an interest in you. They thought you were worth the trouble.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Kddani,

It wasnt as simple as going back for me. I had other issues and it would have been an extreme inconvenience for me to go back. If one of the chapters I was really interested in invited me, it would have been worth it and I would have figured out a way to make it there and dealt with the other issues. However since it was a chapter I had very little interest in, it was not worth the trouble..

another QFP

[APhiAnna]

Hey, I can only tell you this much: it is secret, but a) it is completely fair and b) it makes sense.

Unfortunately, and I do not want to make this sound like an attack on you, every year PNMs get cut from houses they loved and either turn towards the sorority's membership selection process or the Panhellenic recruitment structure to explain their cuts. While there are minor snafu's here and there for both systems, 99.5% of the time they work very well. They've been continually revamped year after year to eliminate situations where it would unfairly hurt a PNM.

Therefore, most of the reasons (save for a vicious rumor or a name mess-up) are under a PNMs control. Here is a list of some of the things sororities generally value, spanning the range from superficial to not-superficial.

1) CONVERSATION. Not talked about nearly enough on this site, in my opinion. Yes you can have ten recs, a model's figure, a 4.5 GPA and a nomination for Australian of the Year (please tell me somebody gets that last reference!) but if you did not shine during conversation rounds sisters will be very reluctant to let you into their sisterhood. To me bad rush conversation means you only answered the questions they asked with Yes/No/One sentence answers, and there were awkward pauses. Average would be something like, you answered the questions fluidly but never got off the "What's your major", "Where do you come from" type questions, and great rush conversation would mean that you found a quick way to get off those questions to find similarities, or at least interesting topics for discussion, with your active.

2) Grades - Sounds like you had deferred recruitment. Were your grades in the toilet?

3) Appearance - Now, on GC people usually say "are you hygienic" or something like that, but I think I'll take it one step further. Do you know how look your best? Some women roll out of bed in a puked on sweatshirt and look like models, some can dress up in a $5,000 ballgown and look terrible...but 90% of women are in between, meaning they have MUCH more control over how they look than they think they do.

I think EVERY woman should take a trip to an upscale beauty salon once a year to talk to professionals to see the best hairstyle and make-up for their face that corresponds with the latest trends. Many women I know decide they want bangs when their face doesn't support it, decide they want XYZ color eyeshadow when it went out of style five years ago, etc. With a good (fake!) tan you can look stunning, with a terrible fake tan you can look like an oompa loompa. Some women, frankly, like Zooey Deschanel, look best pale! The point is get professional advice once a year and don't listen to your fashion hindered mother or friends...it can make a ridiculous difference.

4) Clothes - Same thing. Does what you are wearing, both the cuts and the colors, flatter you? For one, I've learned over the years I look incredible in in various shades of blue, teal, and green...put a red t-shirt on me and I want to cry. Know what looks good on you. Also, quite frankly, know that some women in some chapters may have been looking for a "pricetag" on the outfit...do you know how to go to Old Navy and leave the store looking like you spent $500 at LA's trendiest stores? Or did you look like you went to Old Navy and left the store looking like, well, you went to Old Navy? (Also you can spend a lot of money on Shopbop.com and still pick the wrong stuff and look terrible...it goes both ways).

5) Leadership and Activities - You were on campus for a semester right? Were you involved with anything? Sororities, in general, want "doers" and preferably "leaders". If you weren't very active in anything it may have looked like you were neither. Something to consider.

6) Did they hear about you? If it was deferred, you could have gone out and gotten wasted every night and acquired a bad rep. On the flip side, they may have seen 90% of the PNMs out and about on campus and heard about them by now, and you may have been part of that select few that didn't go to any parties, Greek Week, football game events...if they had already seen 90% of their PNMs out having fun (in a classy way!) they may gravitate towards those women.

7) Recs and legacies. Are they important on campus? You can't really do anything about legacies but really good recommendations can be crucial for many campuses...believe it or not, many of those campuses are outside the SEC.

Those are just some things to think about. The clothes and appearance ones are so long not because they are more important, but because they don't get talked about as much on GC.

[swtlilsoni]

Kddani,

I don't think the trouble is comparable

[Leslie Anne]

swtlilsoni,

You're talking in circles. You didn't give that one sorority a chance just as KDdani said. Let it go now.

[swtlilsoni]

APhiAnna,
Hey thanks for that post! It was really informative, and yeah I wasn't trying to blame it on the process or anything I was just wondering what happens .. but yeah I'm not too sure what deferred recruitment is but I have a 3.4 .. you might be right about seeing the other PNMs around at parties and stuff because I havent been to many ..and whatever you said about looking your best totally makes sense and I think I have that covered =)

Leslie Anne,
I know I didn't give them a chance but I'm trying to point out there were other factors involved and I wasnt just being mean.

OTW,
whats QFP?

TriDeltaSallie,
thanks for the reply, that makes sense .. I guess I meant under the assumption that everyone you spoke to thought you were a good fit, would it make a difference how many people you speak to?
But yeah I get what your saying about how theres no way of knowing whether or not it was because I met so little people .. because thats what I was thinking at first =P

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

APhiAnna,
Hey thanks for that post! It was really informative, and yeah I wasn't trying to blame it on the process or anything I was just wondering what happens .. but yeah I'm not too sure what deferred recruitment is but I have a 3.4 .. you might be right about seeing the other PNMs around at parties and stuff because I havent been to many ..and whatever you said about looking your best totally makes sense and I think I have that covered =)

Deferred recruitment means that recruitment is not the first week of school...in your case, it sounds like your school has a deferred recruitment in the second semester.

In the cases of deferred recruitment you can bet that actives from ALL chapters have been busy figuring out who they wanted wayyy before recruitment even started. This was probably done by seeing who was the classiest/most fun at parties, who got freshman leadership position, who joined dance teams or was in a musical or played a varsity sport, who was the bubbly/cute girl that sat next to them in class, who were their favorite fraternity guys dating, who was in organizations with them that they really clicked with...there are literally a million ways you could have gotten on a sister's radar (for good AND for bad reasons), and so if you weren't very social or involved first semester you may simply have slipped through the cracks because they had identified so many other PNMs they really wanted.

For what it's worth, maybe a sister from the group you turned down had spotted you out first week in a class or something and really wanted you to be her sister! You never know, and that's why it's always good to stick things out in rush.

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

APhiAnna,

TriDeltaSallie,
thanks for the reply, that makes sense .. I guess I meant under the assumption that everyone you spoke to thought you were a good fit, would it make a difference how many people you speak to?
But yeah I get what your saying about how theres no way of knowing whether or not it was because I met so little people .. because thats what I was thinking at first =P

Assuming everyone you met thought you were a good fit... then the numbers game becomes a confidential issue. If individual sororities have rules about having to meet a certain number of sisters, that would be confidential information.

HTH!

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by TriDeltaSallie

Assuming everyone you met thought you were a good fit... then the numbers game becomes a confidential issue. If individual sororities have rules about having to meet a certain number of sisters, that would be confidential information.

This is not what the OP wants to hear.

[KSUViolet06]

Were the orignial answers NOT clear enough for you?

No one can tell you whether it matters how many people you talk to or not.

It's something that is secret/private.

The fact of the matter is that you can speculate but you will NEVER KNOW WHY.

Why not? Because it's not something we discuss here.

You keep saying that no one has answered your question, but I believe it has been answered multiple times.

WE DON'T KNOW. IF WE DID, we couldn't TELL YOU anyway.

There really is no sense in trying to figure this out. Recruitment is over and no one can answer your question.

Have a nice day.

[swtlilsoni]

Kddani,
Also, I did speak with my Rho Chi and there was really nothing that could be done .. and I think a midterm is less of a hardship because its something you can get around (re-arrange study times)? I mean if your physically incapable of going, its not something you can get around.
"I'm sure you didn't stay in your dorm room and not leave it for a week.", really?

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by swtlilsoni

Kddani,
Also, I did speak with my Rho Chi and there was really nothing that could be done .. and I think a midterm is less of a hardship because its something you can get around (re-arrange study times)? I mean if your physically incapable of going, its not something you can get around.

...unless, of course, it's a better sorority.

You're digging yourself deeper into a hole. I'd quit trying to defend your decision right about now.