What do you feel like saying, right now?

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Any of y'all have to deal with a relative at a wedding you don't particularly like?

I'm finalizing the guest list for my ceremony and I got word that a relative of mine has RSVP'd to the wedding whom I am not a fan of. They aren't related by blood, and their immediate family that are blood-related to me are fine, even pleasant. But the person in question always has some snide or snippy comment to make about anything they don't like or approve of. They have already made asinine comments about my tattoos (which are all easily covered and I have to cover them at work or at the gym here) and other life choices I've made.

I got asked in not so many words to invite them and their immediate family because of family I do like and care about. It would have been inconsiderate to not invite them, but the family member wanting to invite them seems inconsiderate to me and other family members that have had a problem with them in the past.

What's done is done, but does anyone have ideas for any damage control? If I hear anything about their behavior I feel like I will crash out and dump all of the opinions I have of them that have been brewing for the last couple of decades.

Yeah, I almost had to deal with this. Here’s the thing, man, weddings will bring out the best and worst in people. You’re creating a sacred moment, and some folks show up acting like it’s open mic night for their unsolicited opinions. In those situations, the challenge is protecting your peace without setting off a grenade at your own celebration.

I’d just say (in kind) you don’t want them there. Or if you’re me, be firm with conviction and just tell them they’re not invited. Period. But if you already invited them and it’s too late to change it, the best advice I can give is to not give them power. You know who they are. You know how they operate. So nothing they say or do should surprise you. That awareness gives you control, so they can’t ruin what you’ve already prepared yourself for.

Also, delegate. Have someone in your corner (best man, sibling, cousin you trust) keep an eye on them. Quietly. That way if they start crossing lines, it doesn’t fall on you to deal with it in the moment. You’re not there to manage personalities, you’re there to get married.

And if they say something slick, just smile, nod, and walk away. Not every jab deserves a reply. You win by not letting them pull you out of character on your big day. Be the version of yourself your spouse fell in love with, not the version some bitter relative tried to drag out.

Like I said, I almost had to deal with this myself with a cousin of mine. But I didn’t invite her. Didn’t even let it leak I was getting married in a way she’d find out. I already knew how she would act, so I cut that drama off at the root. Easiest call I made during wedding planning. Peace over petty, every time.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Any of y'all have to deal with a relative at a wedding you don't particularly like?

I'm finalizing the guest list for my ceremony and I got word that a relative of mine has RSVP'd to the wedding whom I am not a fan of. They aren't related by blood, and their immediate family that are blood-related to me are fine, even pleasant. But the person in question always has some snide or snippy comment to make about anything they don't like or approve of. They have already made asinine comments about my tattoos (which are all easily covered and I have to cover them at work or at the gym here) and other life choices I've made.

I got asked in not so many words to invite them and their immediate family because of family I do like and care about. It would have been inconsiderate to not invite them, but the family member wanting to invite them seems inconsiderate to me and other family members that have had a problem with them in the past.

What's done is done, but does anyone have ideas for any damage control? If I hear anything about their behavior I feel like I will crash out and dump all of the opinions I have of them that have been brewing for the last couple of decades.

I agree with PB. Just don’t invite them. The hell with them.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Yeah, I almost had to deal with this. Here’s the thing, man, weddings will bring out the best and worst in people. You’re creating a sacred moment, and some folks show up acting like it’s open mic night for their unsolicited opinions. In those situations, the challenge is protecting your peace without setting off a grenade at your own celebration.

I’d just say (in kind) you don’t want them there. Or if you’re me, be firm with conviction and just tell them they’re not invited. Period. But if you already invited them and it’s too late to change it, the best advice I can give is to not give them power. You know who they are. You know how they operate. So nothing they say or do should surprise you. That awareness gives you control, so they can’t ruin what you’ve already prepared yourself for.

Also, delegate. Have someone in your corner (best man, sibling, cousin you trust) keep an eye on them. Quietly. That way if they start crossing lines, it doesn’t fall on you to deal with it in the moment. You’re not there to manage personalities, you’re there to get married.

And if they say something slick, just smile, nod, and walk away. Not every jab deserves a reply. You win by not letting them pull you out of character on your big day. Be the version of yourself your spouse fell in love with, not the version some bitter relative tried to drag out.

Like I said, I almost had to deal with this myself with a cousin of mine. But I didn’t invite her. Didn’t even let it leak I was getting married in a way she’d find out. I already knew how she would act, so I cut that drama off at the root. Easiest call I made during wedding planning. Peace over petty, every time.

What happened with your cousin? Not trying to get all up in your business, just curious about the story.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

What happened with your cousin? Not trying to get all up in your business, just curious about the story.

Let’s just say I’ve always been more low-key and selective about who I let into my space. Back when I was in college, she made comments about me behind my back to my mom, implying something was “wrong” with me because I wasn’t socializing at a nightclub she wanted to go to while she was visiting. Like that’s the gold standard for mental health. 😂

She was in town from out of state and wanted to hit a club. You know me, that kind of circus isn’t my scene. I wasn’t even old enough to get in, but they let me through anyway. I didn’t say two words to any of those clowns in there. She took issue with that. Always has something to say about people who don’t align with whatever she happens to enjoy.

I’m not into loud rooms full of strangers pretending to vibe while chasing attention and cheap dopamine. If that’s her thing, cool, but don’t pathologize people who don’t need the noise to feel whole. That told me everything I needed to know about how she sees people, and I’ve kept my distance ever since.

And with the way our wedding and reception blended my culture and my wife’s, I already know she’d have something to say, maybe not to me, but definitely to someone else. And I know me, if I ever caught wind that she said anything sideways about my wife or her culture, she’d be getting a phone call that day. When someone crosses a line with my family, my self-control exits the room. Fast.

So no, she didn’t get an invite. Some people just don’t qualify for front-row seats to my peace.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

[I][COLOR="darkred"]So you weren’t committed, but still dishonest. Bruh… that’s not better. That’s just diet infidelity. Phroze up in here treating cheating like it’s a punch card. “Fifth one’s free if you weren’t married”. That’s like saying you only stole from stores you didn’t like. 😂

LMAO! I just saw this. I wouldn’t be that way if I was a married dude.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Let’s just say I’ve always been more low-key and selective about who I let into my space. Back when I was in college, she made comments about me behind my back to my mom, implying something was “wrong” with me because I wasn’t socializing at a nightclub she wanted to go to while she was visiting. Like that’s the gold standard for mental health. 😂

She was in town from out of state and wanted to hit a club. You know me, that kind of circus isn’t my scene. I wasn’t even old enough to get in, but they let me through anyway. I didn’t say two words to any of those clowns in there. She took issue with that. Always has something to say about people who don’t align with whatever she happens to enjoy.

I’m not into loud rooms full of strangers pretending to vibe while chasing attention and cheap dopamine. If that’s her thing, cool, but don’t pathologize people who don’t need the noise to feel whole. That told me everything I needed to know about how she sees people, and I’ve kept my distance ever since.

And with the way our wedding and reception blended my culture and my wife’s, I already know she’d have something to say, maybe not to me, but definitely to someone else. And I know me, if I ever caught wind that she said anything sideways about my wife or her culture, she’d be getting a phone call that day. When someone crosses a line with my family, my self-control exits the room. Fast.

So no, she didn’t get an invite. Some people just don’t qualify for front-row seats to my peace.

PB, you’re a unicorn, bro Lol.

[XAntoftheSkyX]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Yeah, I almost had to deal with this. Here’s the thing, man, weddings will bring out the best and worst in people. You’re creating a sacred moment, and some folks show up acting like it’s open mic night for their unsolicited opinions. In those situations, the challenge is protecting your peace without setting off a grenade at your own celebration.

I’d just say (in kind) you don’t want them there. Or if you’re me, be firm with conviction and just tell them they’re not invited. Period. But if you already invited them and it’s too late to change it, the best advice I can give is to not give them power. You know who they are. You know how they operate. So nothing they say or do should surprise you. That awareness gives you control, so they can’t ruin what you’ve already prepared yourself for.

Also, delegate. Have someone in your corner (best man, sibling, cousin you trust) keep an eye on them. Quietly. That way if they start crossing lines, it doesn’t fall on you to deal with it in the moment. You’re not there to manage personalities, you’re there to get married.

And if they say something slick, just smile, nod, and walk away. Not every jab deserves a reply. You win by not letting them pull you out of character on your big day. Be the version of yourself your spouse fell in love with, not the version some bitter relative tried to drag out.

Like I said, I almost had to deal with this myself with a cousin of mine. But I didn’t invite her. Didn’t even let it leak I was getting married in a way she’d find out. I already knew how she would act, so I cut that drama off at the root. Easiest call I made during wedding planning. Peace over petty, every time.

Yeah family dynamics kind of forced my hand. Said family member is related (by marriage) to my mom's side of the family and since my mom's side of the family is much smaller than my dad's, my grandma (mom's mom) would have felt a type of way about that. The relative in question, while can be snarky, has had a long history of it and my mom's family are all aware of it. Thankfully she is sometimes inconsistent with her comments so I may just dodge my way through an awkward event.

They have been invited and confirmed the RSVP recently. I'm just hoping with all the planning and logistics, plus herding my in-laws from Japan I'll be too busy to hear or notice anything uncouth.

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

I agree with PB. Just don’t invite them. The hell with them.

Like I said with PB, that die has been cast already.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

PB, you’re a unicorn, bro Lol.

I saw this earlier but didn’t respond because I don’t even know what this means. GC has had a history of posting unicorns with rainbows shooting out the back, and everyone who knows my posts and/or me IRL and my history on here knows my stance and convictions on “the rainbow”. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but it was the first thing that crossed my mind. Not laughing.

Originally Posted by XAntoftheSkyX

Yeah family dynamics kind of forced my hand. Said family member is related (by marriage) to my mom's side of the family and since my mom's side of the family is much smaller than my dad's, my grandma (mom's mom) would have felt a type of way about that. The relative in question, while can be snarky, has had a long history of it and my mom's family are all aware of it. Thankfully she is sometimes inconsistent with her comments so I may just dodge my way through an awkward event.

They have been invited and confirmed the RSVP recently. I'm just hoping with all the planning and logistics, plus herding my in-laws from Japan I'll be too busy to hear or notice anything uncouth.
.

Yeah, I get it. Family pressure is real, especially when you’re trying to keep the peace for the older generation. Just don’t forget your peace still matters in the middle of all that diplomacy, man.

You’re not wrong for hoping it goes smooth. But if it doesn’t, just remember you didn’t create that energy. She did. You’re not responsible for filtering your entire wedding experience through her unpredictability.

Keep someone close who can help buffer or pull her aside if she gets slick. That way you stay focused on the real moment of you and your wife stepping into something sacred.

And if she crosses a line, you’ve got every right to protect your space. RSVP or not, no one gets a free pass to disturb your peace. Just putting that out there.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I saw this earlier but didn’t respond because I don’t even know what this means. GC has had a history of posting unicorns with rainbows shooting out the back, and everyone who knows my posts and/or me IRL and my history on here knows my stance and convictions on “the rainbow”. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but it was the first thing that crossed my mind. Not laughing.

LMAO! I hollered. I’m weak y’all LOL. I was paying you a compliment. I know your posts and I’m one of the GCers who met you IRL. Ate with you. When I called you a unicorn, I’m saying that you’re a rare dude, especially among the D9. You didn’t like the nightclub at that young of an age, college, so I called you a unicorn.

You graduated from an HBCU and pledged a fraternity there. The player fraternity too. That’s like being a Navy seal who’s also a monk LOL! Dude, after meeting you IRL and reading your posts over the years, I’ve picked up that you’re not driven by validation. Most D9 dudes, especially in undergrad get pulled in by that kind of energy - attention, popularity, women, social scenes. You? You stayed low key. Didn’t need the club, didn’t chase the spotlight, and weren’t out to prove anything. At an HBCU, you could’ve played the pretty boy role. Easily. You could’ve soaked up attention just by showing up. You had the option to leverage your looks like others do and chose not to. You had the spotlight in your hands and didn’t even care to turn it on. That’s uncommon. Even more so when you actually have the looks and presence to be front and center if you wanted. A pretty looking dude with good hair in the “pretty boy” fraternity (and I’ve seen some ugly ass Krappas) at an HBCU, that’s chick magnet all day. Yet, you still didn’t run through chicks like that. I would have LOL.

Then, you have an artistic, detail obsessed mind. Your real cars, your model cars, your dioramas, your car designs, boat designs, and other shit you draw, that’s not just career and hobby stuff. Bro, that’s intellectual craftsmanship. It’s rare to find a D9 dude, or really, any dude, with that level of patience, focus, and storytelling behind physical creations. That comes from emotional depth, imagination, and discipline. That’s elite-tier rare in fraternity culture. You ARE a unicorn LOL. You’re spiritually anchored too. You lead with God, you stay grounded, and you don’t follow trends. In a culture where a lot of folks talk values but live for attention, your walk is consistent. For real. That puts you in a different class, especially among D9 dudes who often get praised for image more than substance.

You’re also layered. Dude, you can chop it up about racing and models, drop biblical knowledge, call out BS with surgical clarity, and still joke like a regular dude. That blend of intellect, masculinity, and wit is extremely rare, not just among black men, but dudes period. In the Divine 9, you’re the dude people remember but never fully understand. That in itself is chick bait Lol. You don’t fit the mold. You’re not loud, not passive, not overly polished, not wild, you’re just real bro. And that realness is magnetic, intimidating, and unforgettable. You’re not just rare for the D9. You’re rare for dudes, period. That’s why folks on here who met IRL had good things to say about you. For real. I can’t speak for others who met you IRL on here, but that’s what I left with after hanging out with you.

Now sit your ass down and get up with the times…. UNICORN! Lol.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

LMAO! I hollered. I’m weak y’all LOL. I was paying you a compliment. I know your posts and I’m one of the GCers who met you IRL. Ate with you. When I called you a unicorn, I’m saying that you’re a rare dude, especially among the D9. You didn’t like the nightclub at that young of an age, college, so I called you a unicorn.

You graduated from an HBCU and pledged a fraternity there. The player fraternity too. That’s like being a Navy seal who’s also a monk LOL! Dude, after meeting you IRL and reading your posts over the years, I’ve picked up that you’re not driven by validation. Most D9 dudes, especially in undergrad get pulled in by that kind of energy - attention, popularity, women, social scenes. You? You stayed low key. Didn’t need the club, didn’t chase the spotlight, and weren’t out to prove anything. At an HBCU, you could’ve played the pretty boy role. Easily. You could’ve soaked up attention just by showing up. You had the option to leverage your looks like others do and chose not to. You had the spotlight in your hands and didn’t even care to turn it on. That’s uncommon. Even more so when you actually have the looks and presence to be front and center if you wanted. A pretty looking dude with good hair in the “pretty boy” fraternity (and I’ve seen some ugly ass Krappas) at an HBCU, that’s chick magnet all day. Yet, you still didn’t run through chicks like that. I would have LOL.

Then, you have an artistic, detail obsessed mind. Your real cars, your model cars, your dioramas, your car designs, boat designs, and other shit you draw, that’s not just career and hobby stuff. Bro, that’s intellectual craftsmanship. It’s rare to find a D9 dude, or really, any dude, with that level of patience, focus, and storytelling behind physical creations. That comes from emotional depth, imagination, and discipline. That’s elite-tier rare in fraternity culture. You ARE a unicorn LOL. You’re spiritually anchored too. You lead with God, you stay grounded, and you don’t follow trends. In a culture where a lot of folks talk values but live for attention, your walk is consistent. For real. That puts you in a different class, especially among D9 dudes who often get praised for image more than substance.

You’re also layered. Dude, you can chop it up about racing and models, drop biblical knowledge, call out BS with surgical clarity, and still joke like a regular dude. That blend of intellect, masculinity, and wit is extremely rare, not just among black men, but dudes period. In the Divine 9, you’re the dude people remember but never fully understand. That in itself is chick bait Lol. You don’t fit the mold. You’re not loud, not passive, not overly polished, not wild, you’re just real bro. And that realness is magnetic, intimidating, and unforgettable. You’re not just rare for the D9. You’re rare for dudes, period. That’s why folks on here who met IRL had good things to say about you. For real. I can’t speak for others who met you IRL on here, but that’s what I left with after hanging out with you.

Now sit your ass down and get up with the times…. UNICORN! Lol.

Man, I read that whole thing twice. That hit different. You didn’t just gas me up, you saw me. And coming from somebody who knows my posts and has actually sat down and broken bread with me, that carries weight.

I’ve never moved for attention. I just try to stay grounded, walk in truth, and let my actions speak. So to hear that came through, that it’s been noticed over the years, that meant more than you know.

You didn’t have to say all that, but you did. And it landed. I appreciate the words, the respect, and the way you laid it out. For real. Salute, Phroze.

But if you think I’m rare, valuable, or one-of-a-kind, just say that. 😂 I’m direct. I speak in plain terms. So when someone says “unicorn,” my mind goes to everything that term’s been co-opted to mean, and none of it reflects who I am or how I want to be seen. A lot of modern slang is drenched in pop culture or innuendo that doesn’t align with my values.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Man, I read that whole thing twice. That hit different. You didn’t just gas me up, you saw me. And coming from somebody who knows my posts and has actually sat down and broken bread with me, that carries weight.

I’ve never moved for attention. I just try to stay grounded, walk in truth, and let my actions speak. So to hear that came through, that it’s been noticed over the years, that meant more than you know.

You didn’t have to say all that, but you did. And it landed. I appreciate the words, the respect, and the way you laid it out. For real. Salute, Phroze.

But if you think I’m rare, valuable, or one-of-a-kind, just say that. 😂 I’m direct. I speak in plain terms. So when someone says “unicorn,” my mind goes to everything that term’s been co-opted to mean, and none of it reflects who I am or how I want to be seen. A lot of modern slang is drenched in pop culture or innuendo that doesn’t align with my values.

Since you don’t like unicorn, I’ll use Krappacorn instead LOL!