Making the decision to depledge

[UnsurePledge]

I decided to rush because I wanted to be a part of the sisterhood. I really wanted to make lifelong friends in college and find a "home away from home." I joined my particular sorority because I loved their philanthropy and felt like all the girls were genuine. And of course, my mom was in the sorority so that was a big plus. My mom and I are super close and being her sister means a lot to me.
If I decide to drop, I know I'll never rush again. I'm really questioning if sorority life in general is right for me.

[SydneyK]

First off, welcome to GreekChat! I always find it refreshing when a new poster is thoughtful and articulate.

Secondly, while I wouldn't assume that your mom would reveal ritual information to you, I find it interesting that you're just now seeing the religious aspect of your sorority. Do you and your mom share the same religion? If so, perhaps you should discuss the issue with her, and ask her if she has any suggestions for how to feel more comfortable with the religious references.

Thirdly, some people simply aren't cut out for sorority life, and you may be one of those people. There's nothing wrong with that at all, and if you think you'll constantly be viewing your membership negatively, it might be best to depledge. You're the only one who can make that decision though, so any comments you receive here should be taken with a grain of salt.

Finally, sorority life as a collegian is a relatively short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. Life as an alum is quite fulfilling, yet isn't as strict (or obviously religious) as collegian life. It may be worth sticking around a while longer to see if you can feel comfortable with your group in order to experience life as an alum.

[AnchorAlumna]

Re: the religion aspect.
First, that's probably not something that came from the sorority. More than likely, there is a group of members who is very devout and maybe even lead a Bible study group within the chapter.
Those members can be very vocal. You may feel like you need to join in, but you really don't.

Second, you're in the South, and Christian churches and religion pay a big part in daily life in the South. Often, church is the main social outlet in town. I would suggest talking to your vprograms (sometimes called an education chairman) about a program about your sorority's stance on faith. It could even branch out into a discussion about the different faiths represented in your chapter.

I'm sorry this makes you uncomfortable - it's never meant to. I know that a lot of people who move to the South get all bent out of shape when a lot of people ask where they go to church. It's just how we're friendly - we want to make sure you feel included (if anybody asks you that, just say you've found a church home - you don't have to elaborate).

[UnsurePledge]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Second, you're in the South, and Christian churches and religion pay a big part in daily life in the South. Often, church is the main social outlet in town. I would suggest talking to your vprograms (sometimes called an education chairman) about a program about your sorority's stance on faith. It could even branch out into a discussion about the different faiths represented in your chapter.

I'm sorry this makes you uncomfortable - it's never meant to. I know that a lot of people who move to the South get all bent out of shape when a lot of people ask where they go to church. It's just how we're friendly - we want to make sure you feel included (if anybody asks you that, just say you've found a church home - you don't have to elaborate).

I understand that most folks are just being friendly! It's just that it gets tiring after a while, if that makes sense. I have the upmost respect for Christians, but I have been evangelized to my entire life, and sometimes I just want a break. I've lived in the South since birth, but my family is originally from the North. So that may account for the cultural rift. My mom grew up in a much more secular part of the country, so I don't think she faced the same issues I am facing.

Thanks for all the advice. I think I'm going to do some soul-searching and really think about whether sorority life is for me. I've been putting a lot of effort and time into my sorority, so that should help. It's confusing, because all of my friends are in sororities and LOVE it. I guess I was expecting to automatically love it too.

[NutBrnHair]

I've loved it as a pledge, active and alum; however, I do think things can evolve as you go -- My freshman year, I hung out only with the girls who had the same interests as I did. As I matured, I found others who believed differently and we formed close friendships.

Don't forget that next year, you will play a role in selecting new members -- women who you will love.

It also lasts a lifetime. I know that it is difficult to see past next week, but trust us on that -- it's worth it.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

I've loved it as a pledge, active and alum; however, I do think things can evolve as you go -- My freshman year, I hung out only with the girls who had the same interests as I did. As I matured, I found others who believed differently and we formed close friendships.

Don't forget that next year, you will play a role in selecting new members -- women who you will love.

It also lasts a lifetime. I know that it is difficult to see past next week, but trust us on that -- it's worth it.

Very good points.

I would also posit that there are also more nonreligious or at least less pious women in your chapter than you realize. Your experiencing culture shock, which is not unusual. Southern chapters can be overwhelmingly Christian. The key is can you find your place without feeling like you are being forced to pretend to be something your not or judged for not being Christian. I suspect you can, but I hope you'll investigate before you quit. The new member period can be difficult. It's not always sunshine and roses. Adjusting can take a lot of work. Good luck. I hope what ever you decide is something you can live with.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

. . . (if anybody asks you that, just say you've found a church home - you don't have to elaborate).

I had a friend who used to say he was a "fallen Catholic"—"I get out of bed on Sunday to go to Mass and then fall back in."

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

As I matured, I found others who believed differently and we formed close friendships.

Having grown up in a small Southern town, I found one of the most valuable lessons in fraternity life was to see guys who weren't like me as brothers. It was easy to consider guys with similar backgrounds as mine as my brothers. But learning to see guys from very different backgrounds not just as friends but as brothers is a lesson that has stuck with me.

I'm not saying the OP should stick it out when it doesn't feel right just to learn this same lesson. But I wouldn't discount the possibility of forming some real bonds either.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Regarding the religion thing, I can definitely feel your pain. While I was in college I still considered myself Catholic, but now as an adult I really consider myself agnostic (believe there is a god of some sort, not a fan of organized religion). This is something that people of strong faith REALLY can't wrap their mind around.

Some of us can

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I had a friend who used to say he was a "fallen Catholic"—"I get out of bed on Sunday to go to Mass and then fall back in."

I call myself a Recovering Catholic. I have yet to relapse. I have successfully been on the wagon for about 15 years.