Am I making the right decision in leaving?

GoForth · #1 06-30-2013, 05:25 PM

Hello,

I just finished my sophomore year of college. I'm in a colony of what used to be the #1 fraternity at my school for decades, and I just pledged this past fall. I absolutely HATE my school, and would have transferred after my freshman year had I not been encouraged to join the colony so I thought hey, I'll give it a shot.

We currently are in the mid-low 20s for members after 2 full years as a colony. We need to get up to the mid 30s in our fall rush to stay on campus. This seems like a daunting task, but that's not the main issue. Unlike many colonies that are full of motivated leaders, most of these guys straight up do not care. And I don't just mean that they are coasters; I mean that it is usual fare for only half of the 25-or-so man colony to be present at the weekly meetings. Guys from national have come in to help us, just to be ignored by most of the group. We have massive alumni support, but we struggle with such simple things as getting people to pay dues (some of these guys have at one point owed $400+ to the colony) or come to meetings and we literally never have philanthropy events, parties, formals, etc. because of the lack of funds and effort. Our finance chair had to pitch in out of pocket just to keep us afloat. The house is a pigsty because an average of 2 people (I am not exaggerating) show up to clean during the 10+ times that we've arranged to do so. I was embarrassed to show it to my parents when they came to help me move out.

At this point, it has come down to myself and 3 others who are truly leading the group. My GPA has taken a nosedive because of not only the slack I've had to pick up, but just my general demeanor. I am constantly anxious and depressed. I do not feel that there is any sense of brotherhood in this group. I really only enjoy hanging out with a handful of them (most of them not friends with one another), and my two best friends in the group stated that they would strongly consider transferring or pledging another fraternity if we went under. I don't want to pledge elsewhere because 1) a junior probably won't get a bid anywhere and 2) the commitment I signed to this group on day one actually meant something to me.

This has been an awful experience for me. It makes me so sad to see the alumnus' money, time and effort going to waste with a group that doesn't care at all. Our alumni have been some of the most influential people in my life, more than any of the undergrads by far. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing I would love more than to be a brother of a national organization. I want to be part of it like you wouldn't believe. Not for the connections, but to belong to something bigger than myself. I'd kill to get alumni status but that seems unlikely. But the future of this group looks grim, and the next 2 years of my life are guaranteed to be hell, especially if this group goes under.

My plan is to transfer to a new school for this coming fall. This school has a very weak greek system and I don't know if I'd affiliate, especially since I have many friends there. The only real reason I hesitated at all to leave is that although I am only a pledge, I signed a commitment to the success of this group and feel bad about leaving it in the hands of the other small number of guys who care. I don't feel much loyalty to a group where 90% of them couldn't care less about its future, but I do feel bad for the alumni who will be seeing the group sink.

I'm so befuddled

33girl · #2 06-30-2013, 06:04 PM

How do you guys have a house if you're still only a colony? That might be part of the reason that people are slacking - feeling overwhelmed to maintain a structure when there isn't anyone experienced helping you to do so. So they just say "forget it all" and slack on everything. Or do you mean it's an unofficial made-over family-type house?

Did you guys recolonize IMMEDIATELY after the chapter closed, or has the chapter been gone for a while?

Was there a core group of friends that started the colony, or was it a bunch of men who didn't know each other recruited by alumni and your HQ?

As far as transferring...your ACADEMICS is your first priority. If you are transferring to get a better education/different major that your school doesn't have, that's all that matters. PERIOD. Don't give the colony or its fate a second thought. However, if you're just transferring because you want to get out of an unpleasant situation, to a school that may or may not be better for you academically but will be smooth sailing socially (from the sound of it, tons of your HS classmates are there and you're basically going to be in "15th grade"), you really need to think this through.

GoForth · #3 06-30-2013, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

How do you guys have a house if you're still only a colony? That might be part of the reason that people are slacking - feeling overwhelmed to maintain a structure when there isn't anyone experienced helping you to do so. So they just say "forget it all" and slack on everything. Or do you mean it's an unofficial made-over family-type house?

Did you guys recolonize IMMEDIATELY after the chapter closed, or has the chapter been gone for a while?

Was there a core group of friends that started the colony, or was it a bunch of men who didn't know each other recruited by alumni and your HQ?

As far as transferring...your ACADEMICS is your first priority. If you are transferring to get a better education/different major that your school doesn't have, that's all that matters. PERIOD. Don't give the colony or its fate a second thought. However, if you're just transferring because you want to get out of an unpleasant situation, to a school that may or may not be better for you academically but will be smooth sailing socially (from the sound of it, tons of your HS classmates are there and you're basically going to be in "15th grade"), you really need to think this through.

The school I'm transferring to is pretty much equal academically in my field. The original chapter was closed about 7 years ago. We have a small house that has been vacant for a few years that no one else applied for. It was a bunch of random guys that nationals selected. I just don't see a reason to stay at a school at which I'm miserable when I could get an equally solid education elsewhere and be happy, and probably get a higher GPA because I'm not depressed all the time and have my bad grades erased. Only a small handful of my HS friends are there but they're some of my favorite guys.

Titchou · #4 06-30-2013, 06:44 PM

If you don't like your school, then of course transfer. I understand your desire to keep your promise to the Fraternity but your education comes first.

IndianaSigKap · #5 07-01-2013, 12:28 AM

It is admirable that you want to keep your commitment to the national fraternity. But your well being has to come first. You must do what it best for you. It sounds like you know what you should do, but guilt is not making it an easy decision for you. Go with your gut.

FSUZeta · #6 07-01-2013, 07:56 AM

Go! The situation you have described sounds stressful and depressing (as you yourself admitted). You need to "cut and run." Wipe your slate clean and start over, and if you still feel depressed, get some counseling. Good luck!

33girl · #7 07-01-2013, 10:29 PM

If your new school's on solid footing academically and you won't be losing any ground, then go for it.

This may also serve as a nice "a-ha moment" for the national org in question to use a little more care in selecting dudes for their colonies. (Not you, the other slacker dudes. )