Is it normal to regret which sorority you joined?

[lunalovegood]

After reading this thread and then the one 33girl linked... I can empathize with your situation, and I am so sorry you're going through this. Major hugs to you. I was raped my first semester of college by a fellow freshman who also went Greek. I was dealing with many of the problems you were as well - self injury, depression, and PTSD. I wasn't fitting in with my sisters. You can read my thread where people gave lovely advice, even if some of it was harsh. I'll probably touch on topics in both of your threads (this and the one 33girl linked); hope that's okay with you.

Most young adults are not equipped to deal with these things. It doesn't mean they aren't well-meaning, they just don't know how to handle it. Rape, especially, comes with a huge stigma. I know that some sisters didn't believe me, and maybe some still don't, but I realize it's nobody's business but my own and who I chose to disclose it with. I'm not going to say that sisterhood isn't amazing and wonderful, and that sisters won't be there for you, but not everyone is going to be your best friend there. I started off by talking to sisters I felt cared more, and talking to them one on one to make connections.

It also takes time for serious friendships to develop. Those "serious conversations" don't happen just overnight, and with everyone. Again, start small, just one person.

If your sisterhood was aware there was an incident at home, it's possible they wanted to give you space and not bother you. Have you taken any initiative to text them or make plans yourself? I know you don't drink, but you absolutely DO NOT HAVE TO DRINK WHEN YOU GO OUT. You can go to a party without drinking and no one will care. You do not have to go to the fraternity that your rapist is in.

I know it's hard as a survivor to feel like you don't fit in with anyone around you, and to socialize with people. I know everyone suggested therapy, but it really sounds like you need something that isn't just "talking". I highly, highly recommend doing dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) which is essentially a set of skills - one of them is interpersonal effectiveness. As a trauma survivor, I can't rave enough about how much this helped me. If medication is an option, I'd suggest that as well. I'd bring up these things to your therapist, and if you need to, please switch. Trauma isn't something that's always super-easy to recover from and I know those lonely feelings absolutely suck.

If, like most other users say, a semester or year off seems like a good idea... do it. It may not be best for you, and it wasn't for me. Even just having the summer to myself helped a lot. You do need to do what is best for you. If you think that is becoming closer with your sisters, you will have to put effort and work into doing it. I'm not a natural extrovert by any means, but you learn. The internet is a fabulous tool to help find strategies to build that skill.

And... it does get better. I want you to know that. If you ever feel the need to chat or vent, please please PLEASE PM me. I really wish you luck in dealing with everything.