Is it normal to regret which sorority you joined?

[FirePaint]

I'm sorry but if I've "worn" you out, you're free to leave. And you should also keep in mind that you all know more about me than my sisters do, since they only care about some good gossip, and I've been too terrified of their reaction to talk about things such as my miscarriage, which I NEVER asked anyone to understand. But when I told my roommate, she just hugged me and listened. That's all I want from the rest of my chapter.

I've acknowledged where I've had fault in this chapter and in my situation. But I'm sorry, it is not entirely my own fault. I have tried to reach out to sisters, and not just for serious conversations, but just to chat, and I have always been turned down. And it gets so exhausting to keep trying to reach out, when I'm the only one doing so. Someone should be trying to reach out to me, too. It's a two-way street.

As far as finding a new therapist - I really can't, since I'm using one of the school's free therapists. I have never said, "my problem is really really bad and nobody appreciates how hard it is." The fact that I'm even in therapy should show that I'm TRYING to get better, but I don't have a support system, which only makes the process more difficult.

[adpiucf]

You DO have a support system of family and friends. Again, sorority sisters and house mates are not instant best friends. They're members in the same organization as you are. It takes a lot of time to cultivate relationships. You are resentful of these women, and it seems like they don't care for you either. No one owes you friendship, but you all owe one another respect. You're not respecting them and they aren't respecting you, and if you genuinely want them to care about you then you need to step it up and show them some respect and friendship to get things started. What you have done is not enough. And it doesn't seem like you have an interest in being the bigger person. So, cut your losses and cancel your membership at the end of the semester. You're living in the house, so you're stuck there until your lease ends or you pay to break it (which is foolish, seeing as the semester is 1/2-way over). At the very least, you could petition in the fall for inactivity due to medical reasons if your sorority allows it.

This message board is populated by Greeks who live and die by their organizations. When the going gets tough, we step it up in our chapters, knowing problems aren't solved overnight and we are both part of the problem and the solution. We're naturally inclined to tell people to stick it out for the good of the organization because that is what we would do. Your circumstances are very unique, and I don't think Greek Life is right for you at this point. It takes a lot of effort and energy to turn a chapter around, and your priority needs to be getting yourself better right now.

Your dismissive "if you don't like what I am saying, then leave" comment is not appreciated. You came on this board seeking advice. I'm sorry that you don't like the advice given. But what did you expect? We love Greek Life. That's why this is Greek Chat. I truly wish you the best, but stop blaming your sorority for your unhappiness. Just leave the sorority. You will still feel upset and angry, but at least you can channel the anger away from the sorority and work on your own problems. Leave them to work on theirs as an organization.

Yes, it is normal to feel buyers' remorse. And every sorority and every sorority member goes through issues where people feel the membership is being disrespectful or incohesive at some point. That's what happens in any large group, Greek or not. It's human nature and group dynamics. But what you are experiencing goes beyond that and has less to do with the sorority and more to do with that unfortunate chain of events you've experienced. So go work on yourself and leave the sorority to work on itself.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

You DO have a support system of family and friends. Again, sorority sisters and house mates are not instant best friends. They're members in the same organization as you are. It takes a lot of time to cultivate relationships. You are resentful of these women, and it seems like they don't care for you either. No one owes you friendship, but you all owe one another respect. You're not respecting them and they aren't respecting you, and if you genuinely want them to care about you then you need to step it up and show them some respect and friendship to get things started. What you have done is not enough. And it doesn't seem like you have an interest in being the bigger person. So, cut your losses and cancel your membership at the end of the semester. You're living in the house, so you're stuck there until your lease ends or you pay to break it (which is foolish, seeing as the semester is 1/2-way over). At the very least, you could petition in the fall for inactivity due to medical reasons if your sorority allows it.

This message board is populated by Greeks who live and die by their organizations. When the going gets tough, we step it up in our chapters, knowing problems aren't solved overnight and we are both part of the problem and the solution. We're naturally inclined to tell people to stick it out for the good of the organization because that is what we would do. Your circumstances are very unique, and I don't think Greek Life is right for you at this point. It takes a lot of effort and energy to turn a chapter around, and your priority needs to be getting yourself better right now.

Your dismissive "if you don't like what I am saying, then leave" comment is not appreciated. You came on this board seeking advice. I'm sorry that you don't like the advice given. But what did you expect? We love Greek Life. That's why this is Greek Chat. I truly wish you the best, but stop blaming your sorority for your unhappiness. Just leave the sorority. You will still feel upset and angry, but at least you can channel the anger away from the sorority and work on your own problems. Leave them to work on theirs as an organization.

Yes, it is normal to feel buyers' remorse. And every sorority and every sorority member goes through issues where people feel the membership is being disrespectful or incohesive at some point. That's what happens in any large group, Greek or not. It's human nature and group dynamics. But what you are experiencing goes beyond that and has less to do with the sorority and more to do with that unfortunate chain of events you've experienced. So go work on yourself and leave the sorority to work on itself.

Excellent post. A lot of water has flowed under this bridge, and we aren't privy to both sides of this story to assess what is going on in your chapter. If everything is EXACTLY as you describe (which it never is when the other side of the story comes into play) this chapter has sisterhood issues and needs guidance, but they are still people that may have issues just like you. You haven't interacted meaningfully with them in anyway to know why the chapter's sisterhood may be lacking. Sisterhood means being there in the good times and the bad INCLUDING when people aren't getting along. It happens to real sisters. You have to work at relationships. I agree with adpiucf. This isn't your struggle. Leave the chapter to deal with their sisterhood issues, and you worry about yourself. Stop blaming everyone else for your unhappiness and focus on how YOU can make yourself happy.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by FirePaint

And it gets so exhausting to keep trying to reach out, when I'm the only one doing so. Someone should be trying to reach out to me, too. It's a two-way street.

You can't change your chapter sisters' behavior. You don't have control over it. The only thing you can do is continue to work to make friends in the chapter. You can continue to reach out to people and put in the face time to make friends. Find the people who respond to your friendly overtures and follow up with them. Let the rest go. Don't focus on the people who are bitchy. Focus on the people who are friendly.

You're the only one who can decide if it's worth it to continue to make the effort. It's your decision. If it's not worth it to you, then it's not worth it.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by FirePaint

As far as finding a new therapist - I really can't, since I'm using one of the school's free therapists.

Unless the school only HAS one therapist, yes, you can find another one. You are paying their salary. Squeaky wheel gets the greasin'. Sometimes a therapist (at ANY point of life) is great for person A and awful for person B. Like any other objective service, you need to find the one you like and that fits you. Go to the head of student services and say "My therapist isn't making me feel like I'm getting anywhere. I want to be reassigned."

You've said previously that you go home every weekend, don't participate in social events, don't hang out even casually with other sisters (eating in the student center alone all the time doesn't help) and have a fiance who takes up what seems like your remaining free time. If this has been your m.o. for a year and a half, your sisters don't KNOW you, and by this point just don't see your friendship - even if you're offering it - as a value-add.