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I have tried to look for jobs on or near campus, but all on-campus jobs are work-study (which I don't have) and I don't have a car to get anywhere off-campus. Everyone seems to be putting a lot of emphasis on how I shouldn't be engaged or whatnot - we have postponed all wedding planning for the time being, for various reasons, though we still are technically engaged, we are not planning a wedding. Hence why I sometimes refer to him as a boyfriend, and sometimes as a fiance.
Over the past week or so, I have tried to put myself out there a little more - I had a conversation with my suitemate the other day, that elicited mixed responses.
As far as "the college experience" goes... Well, at my school, I have no desire to be a part of that. All anybody is drink and party, because there's simply nothing else to do - we don't have very many campus events. That makes things very difficult, because that's when many people get to know each other, but I don't have that in common with anybody (not just in the sorority, but all around campus). One of the reasons I was drawn to this sorority was because of the alcohol policy, but it never occurred to me that everybody drank in their spare time when there wasn't an event.
There are just so many little things that keep getting in the way, ranging from personal issues of my own (such as being a bit socially inept) to things that are completely out of my control (such as how others act). It's hard, and I really just wish it could have been different. At this point, it feels that there are just so many different reasons why things at this school and sorority were not meant to work out, and that's alright. I suppose it's just a sign that I'm not where I'm supposed to be.
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