University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) 2012 Recruitment

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by Giddy

I happen to think kindness is the better part of valour. This thread could use some.

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest. And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest.

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

How is telling her that she may have been dropped for ANY NUMBER of reasons – but these reasons are SECRET (sshhh!!!) -- somehow more useful? Just letting a girl wonder what was “wrong” with her during a 20-minute party doesn’t seem like much of a life lesson, IMO, especially during a stressful week when her confidence could use a boost.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

I didn't see any comments that would even remotely fit that characterization.

So, I'm just curious, what is helpful? I know as a mom, explaining the process to dd was actually a little tricky. Endorsing a process which is based on judging people (in both directions), during a 20-minute scramble, went against just about everything I taught regarding judging others and choosing friends. Just sayin’. I settled on an explanation of an imperfect (and often arbitrary) system that has opportunities and rewards on the other side (wherever that may be, and whatever she makes of it).

I do think it is helpful to keep the process in perspective – it is, after all, sorority rush, not a tour in Iraq. Chapters must release girls, and after a few 20 – 30 minute parties, releases are often made on objective criteria. Like grades.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

Honestly, some of the rush-will-knock-you-down-a-peg-or-two sentiment here seems to sometimes border on schadenfreude.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that may be part of the reason you got dropped" = OK.

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that is definitely why you got dropped" = Not OK. For all we know, the girl had B.O. and was seen giving all the cafeteria workers hummers. If you say "it IS because of your grades" then a girl tends to say "oh, my grades are the only thing wrong with me and I can pull them up and sail through rush next year" - when that is NOT always the case.

Telling a girl "XYZ sorority WILL drop you if you don't have a 3.5" = super turbo NOT OK. Membership selection is a confidential process.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that is definitely why you got dropped" = Not OK. For all we know, the girl had B.O. and was seen giving all the cafeteria workers hummers. If you say "it IS because of your grades" then a girl tends to say "oh, my grades are the only thing wrong with me and I can pull them up and sail through rush next year" - when that is NOT always the case.

Yes, when counseling disappointed PNMs who have a 2.5 GPA, absolutely remember to include appropriate advice and speculation regarding body odor and behavior with cafeteria employees.

And any other hyperbole that comes to mind.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Yes, when counseling disappointed PNMs who have a 2.5 GPA, absolutely remember to include appropriate advice and speculation regarding body odor and behavior with cafeteria employees.

And any other hyperbole that comes to mind.

You're completely missing the point.

It is INAPPROPRIATE to tell any woman a DEFINITIVE answer why she was released. WE DON'T KNOW IF WE WEREN'T THERE. Unless you are some sort of creepy alien who can see the women who are typing this/being typed about, you have no idea of their physical appearance, personality, or other things that it is kind of impossible to glean through a few lines of type.

We've had issues on here before with people saying "I can't imagine why my sorority didn't give you a bid!" They were then enlightened by a member of that chapter who actually met the poster in question.

Honestly, either you consider being sarcastic more important than understanding or you're just being willfully stupid. If you want to blow unlimited sunshine up the asses of women you've never met, this isn't the site for you.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Honestly, either you consider being sarcastic more important than understanding or you're just being willfully stupid. If you want to blow unlimited sunshine up the asses of women you've never met, this isn't the site for you.

Well, I’ll certainly keep that in mind.

Apparently if I am seeking crude advice, from someone I’ve never met, who has not experienced a competitive SEC rush themselves, who has no experience with the campus in question, and who has never experienced a daughter participating in a competitive recruitment – or even raising a daughter, period -- then I’m on the right site. Right?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Well, I’ll certainly keep that in mind.

Apparently if I am seeking crude advice, from someone I’ve never met, who has not experienced a competitive SEC rush themselves, who has no experience with the campus in question, and who has never experienced a daughter participating in a competitive recruitment – or even raising a daughter, period -- then I’m on the right site. Right?

OMG I DON'T HAVE KIDZ I WILL JUST GO KILL MYSELF NOOOOOOW BECAUSE NOTHING I SAY MATTERS.

Keep on giving advice that everyone (including parents and/or people from SEC schools) have said is inappropriate, and I'm sure the women you give it to will have a wonderful recruitment. Why don't be an extra super special help and tell us your chapter's EXACT membership selection policies (by the way, what chapter were you in? You seem to spout off a lot of "information" without actually saying where/if you were a member) while you are at it? You seem to be advocating that, and saying that you can tell a PNM exactly why she was cut - even if you've never met her, heard her name, or seen a photo of her.