University of Mississippi (Ole Miss) 2012 Recruitment

[Giddy]

A young woman graduating from a Mississippi high school that doesn't have a 3.0 is going to have a hard time at college -- let alone in a sorority. Panhellenic/IFC rules calculate GPA using all 4 years of HS grades. College admissions over-weight sophmore and junior year (and first half of senior year) grades knowing some kids don't catch-fire until the last half of high school. Honors college admissions over-weight HS grades from competitive high schools. They particularly favor boarding schools. So Miss Porters and Maderia trumps Jackson HS.

No one on this thread knows exactly what's happening in those chapters. So while discretion may be the better part of valour -- and agree that mother could use a dose -- it's also easier for a PNM to accept she was cut for grades rather than some other more "personal" attribute. Sometimes a figleaf is a good thing. I happen to think kindness is the better part of valour. This thread could use some.

[Hartofsec]

I thought DubaiSis was reacting to what Giddy posted and perhaps also a comment that I made which was similar to Giddy's (in bold):

Originally Posted by Giddy

No one on this thread knows exactly what's happening in those chapters. So while discretion may be the better part of valour -- and agree that mother could use a dose -- it's also easier for a PNM to accept she was cut for grades rather than some other more "personal" attribute. Sometimes a figleaf is a good thing. I happen to think kindness is the better part of valour. This thread could use some.

But I don't know for sure -- I may have misinterpreted.

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

I thought DubaiSis was reacting to what Giddy posted and perhaps also a comment that I made which was similar to Giddy's (in bold):


But I don't know for sure -- I may have misinterpreted.

Possibly. I'm on my phone (Internet is out at my house) and I hadn't noticed that post. Way easier to miss things on the phone.

[DubaiSis]

Originally Posted by Giddy

I happen to think kindness is the better part of valour. This thread could use some.

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest. And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

This is what I took offense to. Sorry I wasn't more clear. Yes, kindness is nice and should be something we aspire to, but sometimes the most kind thing you can do is be honest.

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

How is telling her that she may have been dropped for ANY NUMBER of reasons – but these reasons are SECRET (sshhh!!!) -- somehow more useful? Just letting a girl wonder what was “wrong” with her during a 20-minute party doesn’t seem like much of a life lesson, IMO, especially during a stressful week when her confidence could use a boost.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And telling a girl that she is perfect and there is nothing wrong with her and it must have been a mistake is not helpful.

I didn't see any comments that would even remotely fit that characterization.

So, I'm just curious, what is helpful? I know as a mom, explaining the process to dd was actually a little tricky. Endorsing a process which is based on judging people (in both directions), during a 20-minute scramble, went against just about everything I taught regarding judging others and choosing friends. Just sayin’. I settled on an explanation of an imperfect (and often arbitrary) system that has opportunities and rewards on the other side (wherever that may be, and whatever she makes of it).

I do think it is helpful to keep the process in perspective – it is, after all, sorority rush, not a tour in Iraq. Chapters must release girls, and after a few 20 – 30 minute parties, releases are often made on objective criteria. Like grades.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

And while Giddy is probably saying I DIDN'T SAY THAT, I can tell you there are a lot of Moms out there saying this and rushees fully believing it. And kindness is the reason for these little white lies that keep these girls from understanding they are not 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Nor are they the prettiest girl to ever step foot in Ole Miss. Or the smartest. There is a realistic and supportive way to say that some people are just not going to appreciate your greatness. Much like holding a torch for the boyfriend who dumped you and moved on to another girl, the sorority that cut you is not worth any more of your time. Regardless of the reason, which is none of your business.

Honestly, some of the rush-will-knock-you-down-a-peg-or-two sentiment here seems to sometimes border on schadenfreude.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

??? How is telling a girl, who has a low GPA, that her options may be limited, or that she was likely dropped by chapters due to her grades, not honest?

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that may be part of the reason you got dropped" = OK.

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that is definitely why you got dropped" = Not OK. For all we know, the girl had B.O. and was seen giving all the cafeteria workers hummers. If you say "it IS because of your grades" then a girl tends to say "oh, my grades are the only thing wrong with me and I can pull them up and sail through rush next year" - when that is NOT always the case.

Telling a girl "XYZ sorority WILL drop you if you don't have a 3.5" = super turbo NOT OK. Membership selection is a confidential process.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Telling a girl "If you had a 2.5, that is definitely why you got dropped" = Not OK. For all we know, the girl had B.O. and was seen giving all the cafeteria workers hummers. If you say "it IS because of your grades" then a girl tends to say "oh, my grades are the only thing wrong with me and I can pull them up and sail through rush next year" - when that is NOT always the case.

Yes, when counseling disappointed PNMs who have a 2.5 GPA, absolutely remember to include appropriate advice and speculation regarding body odor and behavior with cafeteria employees.

And any other hyperbole that comes to mind.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Yes, when counseling disappointed PNMs who have a 2.5 GPA, absolutely remember to include appropriate advice and speculation regarding body odor and behavior with cafeteria employees.

And any other hyperbole that comes to mind.

You're completely missing the point.

It is INAPPROPRIATE to tell any woman a DEFINITIVE answer why she was released. WE DON'T KNOW IF WE WEREN'T THERE. Unless you are some sort of creepy alien who can see the women who are typing this/being typed about, you have no idea of their physical appearance, personality, or other things that it is kind of impossible to glean through a few lines of type.

We've had issues on here before with people saying "I can't imagine why my sorority didn't give you a bid!" They were then enlightened by a member of that chapter who actually met the poster in question.

Honestly, either you consider being sarcastic more important than understanding or you're just being willfully stupid. If you want to blow unlimited sunshine up the asses of women you've never met, this isn't the site for you.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Honestly, either you consider being sarcastic more important than understanding or you're just being willfully stupid. If you want to blow unlimited sunshine up the asses of women you've never met, this isn't the site for you.

Well, I’ll certainly keep that in mind.

Apparently if I am seeking crude advice, from someone I’ve never met, who has not experienced a competitive SEC rush themselves, who has no experience with the campus in question, and who has never experienced a daughter participating in a competitive recruitment – or even raising a daughter, period -- then I’m on the right site. Right?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Giddy

Honors college admissions over-weight HS grades from competitive high schools. They particularly favor boarding schools. So Miss Porters and Maderia trumps Jackson HS.

Don't boarding schools sometimes have legacy policies as well (i.e. dumber daughter of rich generous alumnus may get in over smarter daughter of nobody) and don't they sometimes have a "post-graduate" year - in effect a 13th grade - for students who aren't ready for college?

(Disclaimer: The sum total of my real-life boarding school experience is a HS classmate who went to Kiski Prep.)

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by 33girl

and don't they sometimes have a "post-graduate" year - in effect a 13th grade - for students who aren't ready for college?

(Disclaimer: The sum total of my real-life boarding school experience is a HS classmate who went to Kiski Prep.)

Not where I went. But it is Catholic and you know how the nuns were back in the day.