Alabama Sorority Costs...Can anyone help?

[apmgm]

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

I'm a long-time lurker too -- usually confined to this time of year. I have found useful information in the stickied posts and appreciate the links to published bid lists, etc.

But I've actually never seen a forum culture where even a moderator joins in the heckling and uses vulgar language. I thought that was what a moderator was responsible for preventing. #classy

Perhaps they don't realize that this kind of behavior just perpetuates stereotypes about greek organizations.

Being frank is not the same as ridiculing a mother and launching personal attacks directed toward her parenting. I guess doing so from behind anonymous screen names enhances the boldness of some.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

Please keep in mind that I was speaking for my own chapter (as I noted). I would be embarrassed if one of our chapter advisors, for instance, represented us publicly in such a mean-spirited manner, even if via a seemingly anonymous screenname. This is just my opinion, of course.

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.

If she is active in the re-colonization of her chapter, or in other positions of importance within her GLO, then that’s lovely. Still, I can completely understand jll’s sentiment, considering the hurtful manner in which she was treated.

I think I may have a little insight on the behavior now, at least -- but thanks for the warning.

Honestly, you're over blowing the whole situation. Talk about drama queen. I don't agree with Titchou's statements on parenting, but a whole bunch of posters came to the OP's defense about that. Titchou has a right to her opinion...who knows, she may be a middle child who got treated differently by her parents and is sensitive to it. As adults, we can IGNORE opinions we don't like and move on. As for you pretending to be above the fray, your post about her group closing when you were at Bama was as catty a comment as any I've seen in my 5 years on GC, and by the way really perpetuates those evil Greek stereotypes. So keep on #classy-ing all you want...

In the end, I feel for the OP and the position she's in, BUT Titchou and 33Girl are right, there isn't much she can do but ride it out and pay the dues she's assessed or drop out. There just isn't that much control, unfortunately, in the system.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

A lot of it has to do with the fact that most of the "regulars" have been on here for at least a few recruitments, and the same questions come up over and over and over. (This is one, as well as the timeless "black girl in an NPC" discussion.) Some of us get kind of annoyed by it and some people express their annoyance in different ways.

I'm having a hard time understanding why an UNDERGRADUATE major would try to prevent students from working. Architecture is as ridiculous as any major (there's a reason why they call it "architorture") and none of the schools that I've been allied with have ever tried to prevent students from working because some kids need to do so. Usually, if work is discouraged, they'll make up for it with a scholarship or a stipend.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

I'm a long-time lurker too -- usually confined to this time of year. I have found useful information in the stickied posts and appreciate the links to published bid lists, etc.

But I've actually never seen a forum culture where even a moderator joins in the heckling and uses vulgar language. I thought that was what a moderator was responsible for preventing. #classy

Perhaps they don't realize that this kind of behavior just perpetuates stereotypes about greek organizations.

Being frank is not the same as ridiculing a mother and launching personal attacks directed toward her parenting. I guess doing so from behind anonymous screen names enhances the boldness of some.

Long time lurkers who don't like the culture on GC are free to not visit us here. Quite honestly, if you were long time lurkers, you'd already know what posters have told you.

[apmgm]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

Long time lurkers who don't like the culture on GC are free to not visit us here. Quite honestly, if you were long time lurkers, you'd already know what posters have told you.

For clarification, I'm not the parent of a current snowflake; my own two lovely snowflakes long ago navigated sec recruitment as did I back in the day.

I do enjoy keeping up with where the girls from my hometown pledge, and greekchat.com is an interesting diversion this time of year. Nevertheless, each year, I'm discover at least one thread that's "gone south" with regulars attacking a parent who has posted seeking advice. Now granted, the poster is often unrealistic in his or her expectations, but people often are. In real life, it seems that most of us handle such situations (when we know someone is misguided and has asked for advice) with a great deal more patience and tact than I've seen here.

The NPC and IFC organizations on many SEC campuses still have a reputation of snobbiness and within the systems, some chapters are known as the worst. I believe most of us who have been a part of this community wish this was not our reputation. Unfortunately when we present ourselves (as many on this board do) as authorities on the system and act snarkily to anyone (even each other,) we perpetuate this unfortunate reputation.

Would it be too much to ask that we perhaps remember our panhellenic - and human - spirit?


*As a sidenote, the term "snwoflake" really makes me bristle. Why should a parent NOT think his or her child is special and wonderful?? If you're about to take offense, please go back and re-read the part about unrealistic parents.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I'm having a hard time understanding why an UNDERGRADUATE major would try to prevent students from working. Architecture is as ridiculous as any major (there's a reason why they call it "architorture") and none of the schools that I've been allied with have ever tried to prevent students from working because some kids need to do so. Usually, if work is discouraged, they'll make up for it with a scholarship or a stipend.

Without knowing the OP's daughter's major, I'm guessing that holding a job is discouraged because the undergraduate degree is just the first step and grades are paramount to move forward and be accepted to a graduate program.

That being said, I find these work restrictions ridiculous because there is no such restriction for campus activities. I think my sorority involvement was way more intensive than any job I held off campus while I was a full time undergrad.

I think it is great to come from a family where parents pay for college and living expenses and sorority expenses. I didn't have that. I have student loans (and thanks to grad school I will probably have them until I die LOL) and I worked my way through undergrad to pay for living expenses, sorority dues, etc. If I wanted something, I had to pay for it. So I feel like if you want to be in a sorority and your major discourages holding a job, there are ways. You can have a summer job. You can babysit on weekends. You can get a paid internship. You can tutor. You can sell stuff on Ebay or etsy. You can work at any number of campus jobs where all you do is surf the internet and occasionally answer a phone or look up from gchatting to give someone directions.

OP is in a frustrating position, but by her accounts, she has a smart kid. And if her kid wants to make this work, I am sure she will be resourceful and find a way. I wish them both lots of luck and hope the daughter has a great experience at UA.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by apmgm

For clarification, I'm not the parent of a current snowflake; my own two lovely snowflakes long ago navigated sec recruitment as did I back in the day.

I do enjoy keeping up with where the girls from my hometown pledge, and greekchat.com is an interesting diversion this time of year. Nevertheless, each year, I'm discover at least one thread that's "gone south" with regulars attacking a parent who has posted seeking advice. Now granted, the poster is often unrealistic in his or her expectations, but people often are. In real life, it seems that most of us handle such situations (when we know someone is misguided and has asked for advice) with a great deal more patience and tact than I've seen here.

The NPC and IFC organizations on many SEC campuses still have a reputation of snobbiness and within the systems, some chapters are known as the worst. I believe most of us who have been a part of this community wish this was not our reputation. Unfortunately when we present ourselves (as many on this board do) as authorities on the system and act snarkily to anyone (even each other,) we perpetuate this unfortunate reputation.

Would it be too much to ask that we perhaps remember our panhellenic - and human - spirit?


*As a sidenote, the term "snwoflake" really makes me bristle. Why should a parent NOT think his or her child is special and wonderful?? If you're about to take offense, please go back and re-read the part about unrealistic parents.

Have you actually visited any non-Greek parenting boards or news posting boards? This is one of the most civil and helpful boards around. People are snarky. Being Greek doesn't remove that trait. Parents are some of the most judgmental people out there...God forbid you bring up breast feeding and everyone is an expert. Disagreements and differing opinions are okay and don't give Greeks a bad name. We aren't automatons or clones. Sometimes people get their feathers ruffled because they expect every single poster to validate their opinion or pat them on the head, but that's not life...and maybe they need to see the other side of the issue. If they don't accept that opinion, then move on. It's just the opinion of an anonymous person on a message board anyway. Do you really need Titchou to validate your decisions as a parent?

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Do you really need Titchou to validate your decisions as a parent?

And now, I have a new signature! Thanks!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

And now, I have a new signature! Thanks!

Awww...you made my day.

[apmgm]

Originally Posted by amIblue?

And now, I have a new signature! Thanks!

^^^^this^^^^might just actually soften some of the sarcasm - or at least help the recipient put it in perspective!!

[apmgm]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

People are snarky.

In the words of dear old mama (mine and probably yours too),
"Just because everybody else is doing it, that doesn't make it right."

My overall greek experience has been one of my best, and I hope it works out for this young woman. Making her mother feel bad because she is worried about the unpredictable costs didn't help matters. Good luck to you and your daughter OP.

I'll shut up now and go back to lurking.

[IrishLake]

Originally Posted by apmgm

*As a sidenote, the term "snwoflake" really makes me bristle. Why should a parent NOT think his or her child is special and wonderful?? If you're about to take offense, please go back and re-read the part about unrealistic parents.

No, of course a parent should think that of their own children! It's when parents expect OTHERS to think the same thing. I love my children with all my heart. They are special and wonderful to me. I do not expect others to feel the same way.

Originally Posted by adpiucf

That being said, I find these work restrictions ridiculous because there is no such restriction for campus activities. I think my sorority involvement was way more intensive than any job I held off campus while I was a full time undergrad.

I think it is great to come from a family where parents pay for college and living expenses and sorority expenses. I didn't have that. I have student loans (and thanks to grad school I will probably have them until I die LOL) and I worked my way through undergrad to pay for living expenses, sorority dues, etc. If I wanted something, I had to pay for it. So I feel like if you want to be in a sorority and your major discourages holding a job, there are ways. You can have a summer job. You can babysit on weekends. You can get a paid internship. You can tutor. You can sell stuff on Ebay or etsy. You can work at any number of campus jobs where all you do is surf the internet and occasionally answer a phone or look up from gchatting to give someone directions.

OP is in a frustrating position, but by her accounts, she has a smart kid. And if her kid wants to make this work, I am sure she will be resourceful and find a way. I wish them both lots of luck and hope the daughter has a great experience at UA.

Completely agree. This could have come right from my mouth.

Originally Posted by pinapple

I think the bottom line here is that parents and students deserve to know what the financial liabilities of any organization are before they choose to join. And for recruitment, that means before they even have to pay their $100-$200 registration fee.

Absofreakinglutely.

Originally Posted by apmgm

My overall greek experience has been one of my best, and I hope it works out for this young woman. Making her mother feel bad because she is worried about the unpredictable costs didn't help matters. Good luck to you and your daughter OP.

Well said.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

A lot of it has to do with the fact that most of the "regulars" have been on here for at least a few recruitments, and the same questions come up over and over and over. (This is one, as well as the timeless "black girl in an NPC" discussion.) Some of us get kind of annoyed by it and some people express their annoyance in different ways.

Seems to me the polite thing to do is to ignore those posts one doesn't want to answer (again).

[33girl]

Originally Posted by apmgm

As a long-time lurker, I'm somewhat confused by the culture of this site and the prevalence of snarky responses posted by some of "the regulars."

I wonder if those same people are so frank when dealing face-to-face with friends/family members/co-workers/members of their own or other GLOs/etc?

Perhaps it's harder to bite one's tongue on greekchat's message boards than in real life?

I have to warn my dear sister AlphaFrog about this post so she doesn't read it on her smartphone in the middle of the mall and embarrass herself by peeing her pants laughing.

And if you think frankness = rudeness, you'd better get one of these: