Deactivation - please help! :(

[ramsey]

Originally Posted by wildcat601

As a freshman I was being groomed for president or another big position, but after dealing with these people I just couldn’t apply for the executive board. I feel that these women often lack common sense and don’t have the chapter’s best interests in mind.

Quit whining. You had an opportunity to be the change, and you flaked out.

Originally Posted by wildcat601

I’m starting to think it’s not worth my time

Time management is an important skill that will do you well to learn it now.

Originally Posted by wildcat601

Though I dislike a decent amount of the members, I have made some of my best friends through the sorority and I don’t want to lose those connections.

Guess What? That's easier said than done. While, yes, it's possible to remain friends with some girls once you "quit," (regardless of any lame excuses) some members may take it as a slap in the face and you may end up with a situation where you DO lose those connections. I cannot think of a single former member of my chapter that I'm still in touch with today. Maybe that's just me, maybe I'm a witch like that, but my viewpoint on it is that if she flaked out and left us high and dry then obviously she didn't value my friendship that much, so I wasn't really going to put that much effort into trying to maintain it. I essentially viewed it as her "breaking up" with us. Again, maybe I'm an oddity around here, but I know I wasn't the only one in my chapter who felt that way.

Originally Posted by wildcat601

People also talk about the benefits of an alumni network, but judging from our advisers I’m pretty sure I would want to get involved in that anyway.

I'm not sure if there was a typo here or not, but if you're planning to quit, then you cannot be involved as an alumna advisor. Additionally, even if your advisors are as crappy as you say yours are, that doesn't mean you have to be like them. Some of my very best friends who are sorority sisters are those that I met at conventions, and in my alumnae associations. If you quit, you will be losing out on this networking, and trust me, alumnae networking is worth it. Finding housing, finding jobs, meeting new people in general, recommendations for places of worship, finding social activities in a new town you may move to, etc etc.

Originally Posted by wildcat601

And finally, I have a weird attachment to some of our tshirts that I can’t really describe or understand, so I’m not sure what that’s supposed to tell me. As I was unpacking from the school year there was a lot of stuff I want to donate to my grand-little, but there are some things I can’t part with and would probably still wear. I don’t really know what this means!

Typical. You want your cake and eat it too. Sorry sweetheart, it doesn't work that way.

Suck it up. Either cut ties and don't look back, or put your big girl panties on and be an asset to your chapter. Quit being a whiney ass.

[sigmadiva]

Originally Posted by ramsey

Quit whining. You had an opportunity to be the change, and you flaked out.



Time management is an important skill that will do you well to learn it now.



......
Suck it up. Either cut ties and don't look back, or put your big girl panties on and be an asset to your chapter. Quit being a whiney ass.

LIKE !!!!

[HQWest]

Not sure I would have said it like that -

Sounds like you just bit off more than you can chew as a sophomore.
The pros still outweigh the cons.

I would recommend trying to just back off for a semester - dont be an officer or a big. If the drama that is recruitment stresses you out - apply to be a recruitment counselor or in the back of the house.

Key thing to remember - deactivating is permanent! You have to give back your letters - your pin, all of them. Also, helping with the new member is a big fat no-no. If I was a member educator, I would only want shiny happy members around, not grumbly, its-not-worth-putting-any-work-into-it, quitters.

[AOII Angel]

Wow, ramsey! Where did you come from? I nominate you for best newbie!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Wow, ramsey! Where did you come from? I nominate you for best newbie!

Indeed!

People who need to seek GC counsel (from people who are not in their GLO, nonetheless) on such matters would be doing their GLOs a favor by deactivating/depledging.

[FSUZeta]

OP, I can promise you that if your nationals recently held a membership review, that there are serious problems nationals felt needed to be addressed. National officers don't sit around at headquarters throwing darts at a map and then say, "Oh, the dart landed on Problem University. Let's book our flights, go down there and make their lives a living hell"- they don't just swoop down on a chapter without good cause. Most often before the situation becomes one that warrants a membership review national office has tried to work with the chapter to solve the problems while they are still manageable. Your national officers could have pulled your charter and shut down the chapter-consider yourselves lucky.

You may be stuck with the advisors you have because they are the only ones who will give up their personal time to your chapter. There is a lesson to be learned in every situation. Working with these alums., who you say are difficult, may help you gain insight and skills that you will be able to use if you ever encounter a difficult superior when you join the work force. Plus, your advisors may be coming down hard due to the problems the sorority is experiencing right now. It may not seem like it, but those ladies do have the good of the sorority at heart. It is just that they are probably looking at the big picture, while the collegians are more concentrated on their chapter.
Did you know that advisors are not paid? They volunteer their time to serve their sororities. Just telling you this because sometimes collegians have the misconception that alumnae advise because of the pay!

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

It is just that they are probably looking at the big picture, while the collegians be more concentrated on their chapter.

Further, if they've been around for a while, they see things through a historical perspective that collegians don't have if they are only there for four years.

Now, my collegiate chapter had a lot of problems with collegians, alumnae, and HQ not being on the same page, so I would never boil it down to "alumnae are right, collegians are wrong" or vice-versa, rather, I think there can be a lot of talking past one another when trying to explain why and how things are being done.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

OP, I can promise you that if your nationals recently held a membership review, that there are serious problems nationals felt needed to be addressed. National officers don't sit around at headquarters throwing darts at a map and then say, "Oh, the dart landed on Problem University. Let's book our flights, go down there and make their lives a living hell"- they don't just swoop down on a chapter without good cause. Most often before the situation becomes one that warrants a membership review national office has tried to work with the chapter to solve the problems while they are still manageable. Your national officers could have pulled your charter and shut down the chapter-consider yourselves lucky.

You may be stuck with the advisors you have because they are the only ones who will give up their personal time to your chapter. There is a lesson to be learned in every situation. Working with these alums., who you say are difficult, may help you gain insight and skills that you will be able to use if you ever encounter a difficult superior when you join the work force. Plus, your advisors may be coming down hard due to the problems the sorority is experiencing right now. It may not seem like it, but those ladies do have the good of the sorority at heart. It is just that they are probably looking at the big picture, while the collegians be more concentrated on their chapter.
Did you know that advisors are not paid? They volunteer their time to serve their sororities. Just telling you this because sometimes collegians have the misconception that alumnae advise because of the pay!

Exactly. Dealing with a chapter that has issues severe enough to expel members is not a walk in the park. The actives will never know the truth about the situation and the advisors will all look like big meanies. What you call micromanaging is them trying to make sure your chapter doesn't get shut down.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by wildcat601

By helping with the new member, do you mean my little? Just wanted to clarify. Thank you for your response!

You said:

Originally Posted by wildcat601

This especially applies to my "little" – I love her and feel guilty for ditching her, even though I would still be around and actively help with pledge mom week and stuff.

If you terminate your membership, it would be as inappropriate for you to help her in an active fashion as it would be for you to (example) write a bill for her to submit if she was a student senator. Can you bring her dinner when she's going crazy trying to figure out a schedule for pledge mom week? Yes. Can you go decorate the house with her? No. She should have a committee or at least an assistant pledgemistress to assist her with those things. Even if the two of you are still cool, be aware that if you terminate, there will be some sisters that don't want to see you within a mile of the house - especially if they hold you in the same regard as you appear to hold many of them.

That kind of brings up another question. How DO the majority of the members think of you? Did they just elect you to positions because they thought you would do a good job, or are you genuinely popular in the chapter? I say this because it almost sounds like they have NO CLUE that you regard most of them as drama queens, fake etc. and that you've put forth a very successful "super sister" facade.

[wildcat601]

Originally Posted by HQWest

Not sure I would have said it like that -

Haha, thank you.

Originally Posted by HQWest

Key thing to remember - deactivating is permanent! You have to give back your letters - your pin, all of them. Also, helping with the new member is a big fat no-no. If I was a member educator, I would only want shiny happy members around, not grumbly, its-not-worth-putting-any-work-into-it, quitters.

By helping with the new member, do you mean my little? Just wanted to clarify. Thank you for your response!

[notfeelingit]

Guess What? That's easier said than done. While, yes, it's possible to remain friends with some girls once you "quit," (regardless of any lame excuses) some members may take it as a slap in the face and you may end up with a situation where you DO lose those connections. I cannot think of a single former member of my chapter that I'm still in touch with today. Maybe that's just me, maybe I'm a witch like that, but my viewpoint on it is that if she flaked out and left us high and dry then obviously she didn't value my friendship that much, so I wasn't really going to put that much effort into trying to maintain it. I essentially viewed it as her "breaking up" with us. Again, maybe I'm an oddity around here, but I know I wasn't the only one in my chapter who felt that way.

If those are the kind of people that are in a sorority, who will drop you once you drop the house, they obviously weren't real friends anyway, and honestly that is promoting the "you pay for your friends." And you were really the one who didn't value her friendship if she dropped for reasons that were important to her and you couldn't respect that.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by notfeelingit

If those are the kind of people that are in a sorority, who will drop you once you drop the house, they obviously weren't real friends anyway, and honestly that is promoting the "you pay for your friends." And you were really the one who didn't value her friendship if she dropped for reasons that were important to her and you couldn't respect that.

This happened 3 years ago. I bet she has moved on.