Deactivation - please help! :(

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I think that a lot of posters are being really harsh on the OP, and I really don't believe not one of you ever had a time when you were so frustrated that you seriously considered leaving.

I thought the same thing. This isn't a new member who just received a bid 2 weeks ago.. She's an involved sister who has serious doubts about sticking it out in a sorority that she's currently not completely happy being a part of.

That being said...

Originally Posted by wildcat601

Hey everyone,

I just finished my sophomore year so I’ve been in my sorority for about a year and a half (my school has deferred rush). I was hesitant as a PNM and pledge, loved the beginning of my sophomore year, and am now considering deactivating. During this time I lived in the house, held several positions, and made big improvements for the chapter, so I really did give it my all.

Why were you hesitant as a PNM and pledge?

What made you love the beginning of your sophomore year? What changed between then and now?

Cons:
- Advisers/Nationals
After working with advisers during my leadership positions, I have no respect for them. As a freshman I was being groomed for president or another big position, but after dealing with these people I just couldn’t apply for the executive board. I feel that these women often lack common sense and don’t have the chapter’s best interests in mind. This year we had some huge issues with Nationals kicking girls out of the house and threatening to take away memberships, which we had to fight because they were completely unreasonable. I find it hard to be in the chapter when these people micromanage and control everything we do. (It’s part of being in a sorority, I know, but it seems like the other chapters at my school don’t have this problem to the same degree.)

You need to be honest with yourself about why the national organization got involved and was threatening to kick members out of the sorority. And remember, you might not know the whole story. You were a new member as a freshman - did something happen with the chapter then, and the national staff dealt with it the following semester? Sisters tend to try and shelter the new members from trouble/difficult situations, and you might have been kept in the dark about these things.

In terms of advisors - what gives you the impression that they don't have the chapter's best interest in mind? Also, how old are they/how far removed from college are they? If they're fairly young, perhaps they're still trying to make decisions for the chapter based on what they would have done as an active, and they're not allowing the current active members to run the chapter? Or if they're much older, maybe they're under the impression that the the chapter members aren't old/mature enough to make rational decisions.

Or maybe they're not as knowledgeable about sorority policies as they should be?

Are you the only member who feels this way?

- I’m starting to think it’s not worth my time
I spend a lot of time on school, which means things like chapter meetings and formals aren’t my priority so I don’t really like paying for them. Let alone the time recruitment requires. There are also a lot of members I dislike, ranging from fake girls to drama queens to our power-tripping president. I'm involved in many other groups and have leadership positions, so I don't rely on my sorority for extracurriculars or resume building.

It sounds to me like youre able to manage your time (contrary to what other posters here have suggested), but you just don't want to attend some of these things.

I agree with those who have suggested stepping back a bit - don't take on any huge positions next semester, and do the minimum. Of course there are certain things you'll still have to go to, but don't throw yourself into everything that's thrown at you.

And I don't know if formal is mandatory for you, but if it isn't, and you truly don't want to go.. Don't.

Pros:
- Friends
Though I dislike a decent amount of the members, I have made some of my best friends through the sorority and I don’t want to lose those connections. I’m living with two of them next year, and these girls plan on staying in the sorority. I think I’ll be able to make the friendships last if I put in the effort. This especially applies to my "little" – I love her and feel guilty for ditching her, even though I would still be around and actively help with pledge mom week and stuff. In fact, I feel like I would have more time to spend with her and my other friends since I'm not wasting it at these other meetings. If you have experience with this, I’d appreciate your input.

You're living with two sisters next semester that you like.. This is a good thing, and I wouldnt suggest dropping out at the start of the school year. This could turn them off from living with you. And living with them might make you realize why you joined in the first place.

However, I have stayed friends with girls who have dropped. One of my pledge sisters dropped a few weeks after initiation, and she ended up being one of my best friends through college. So it's not impossible to keep some connections. It's all in how you carry yourself and handle the situation when you leave, should you choose to do so.

Just keep in mind that your little will still be going to these meetings that you're not going to, and she'll most likely be taking on more responsibility in the chapter as time goes on. So while you might have more time to hang out with her, she might have less time to hang out with you.

- Network
The sorority is really convenient for selling furniture, sharing apartments and cabs, finding people to hang out with over the summer, and more. People also talk about the benefits of an alumni network, but judging from our advisers I’m pretty sure I would want to get involved in that anyway. Again, any experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Don't bash the alumnae experience just because you aren't fond of a handful of sisters. It has many benefits, and you're not dealing with weekly chapter meetings, and recruitment, and homecoming, and mixers. It's a great way to stay active as an adult, meet new people in new cities, and attend social events with adults - an important thing to do occasionally when you have kids at home and spend most of your time at soccer games and PTA meetings.

Not everyone is involved as an alumna, which is fine, but don't judge it based on what little you've seen of it.

- And finally, I have a weird attachment to some of our tshirts that I can’t really describe or understand, so I’m not sure what that’s supposed to tell me. As I was unpacking from the school year there was a lot of stuff I want to donate to my grand-little, but there are some things I can’t part with and would probably still wear. I don’t really know what this means!

If you drop your letters, that means returning every t-shirt. If you want to stay friends with some of the sisters, the last thing you'd want to do is lose them all over a piece of clothing.


Good luck in making the best decision for you.