Needing help fitting in despite rough circumstances.

[lunalovegood]

Guysguysguysguysguys.

I appreciate all the advice & support you have given me, and it really means a lot to know my fellow sisters as well as GLOs are supporting me.

It is not my goal to make any skeptics believe me. I have presented my situation; take it as you will.

I have every possible professional resource at my disposal: counseling, psychiatry, support groups, hot-lines, the dean of students, the counseling center at school, the tutoring center at school, Internet support, books, pamphlets, worksheets. Some of this I didn't have before my hospitalization.

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by lunalovegood

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

You get those things from other people by giving those things to other people. You need to suit up, show up and be of service to your sisters. Make yourself useful. Help with whatever you can help with. Go to intermurals. Ask people to the movies. If you don't live in the house, go hang out at the house. Watch TV with your sisters.

It takes time and effort. If it's difficult at first, you need to fake it until you make it.

You need to focus less on yourself and more on others.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by lunalovegood

Guysguysguysguysguys.

All of those things... don't replace friends, family, sisters. Sometimes I don't need to talk to a counselor; I need a hug from a friend. Or someone to take me out to Starbucks and chat with their day about me, or someone to watch a movie with me. I want to be able to listen to my sisters about their lives and their problems. I don't need them to know about the rape and my entire life story. I want to know how I can better reach out to them and be a normal, functioning, loving sister despite what I am currently going through.

I'm grateful for all the advice I've received; I'm just trying to better communicate my needs.

Like I said, it's really hard to know how to tell you to do that without knowing more about the makeup of your chapter and your school. But no one wants you to give details to the point where you would out yourself.

If it seems that people are being reluctant to give you advice, it's just that they don't want to say something that might backfire. I could say, yes, go ahead and reach out to your sisters, and everything will be fine, and they will all respond with open arms, regardless of anything you've done the past semester. But I went to a small public school in the Northeast 20+ years ago. This may be EONS from the school/Greek system you are at now. My advice may be equivalent to a steaming pile of poo.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If it seems that people are being reluctant to give you advice, it's just that they don't want to say something that might backfire. I could say, yes, go ahead and reach out to your sisters, and everything will be fine, and they will all respond with open arms, regardless of anything you've done the past semester.

My advice was intended to be general. It's what I'd tell anyone who was screwing up this badly. I have no idea if it will work. OP may not be able to recover those relationships.

My collegiate chapter would be be pretty pissed at this point. OP is drinking, sleeping around, cutting, and failing classes. The chapter has no explanation for what is going on with her. They'd be embarrassed and mad.

If OP doesn't want to explain to the chapter, the only thing OP can do is straighten up her act and do her best to be a good sister. If she stops acting out, eventually the chapter may realize that she isn't the psycho she seemed to be in her first semester. It's going to take a lot of time, though.

I'd probably apologize to my Big, too. OP has put her in a terrible position. I wouldn't expect a parent or professional to be able to stop someone from cutting, and OP's Big has been trying to take responsibility for that. She's just a college student. It's an entirely unfair that anyone expects that the Big should be in a position to manage another sister's psychiatric problem. If I were the Big, I'd pull back, too. OP says she "just wants a friend," but she's also expecting that her Big will help her NOT cut by patrolling her life for sharps. That's not a friend. That's a psych nurse.

[33girl]

I didn't mean you, and I wasn't criticizing your advice, it was good advice. The OP just seemed to be wondering why there wasn't more people telling her what to do throughout the thread.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I didn't mean you, and I wasn't criticizing your advice, it was good advice. The OP just seemed to be wondering why there wasn't more people telling her what to do throughout the thread.

I think it boils down to the same reason our bar-admitted GC friends don't hand out legal advice. This isn't some girl asking how to get recs or what to wear to pref.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I think it boils down to the same reason our bar-admitted GC friends don't hand out legal advice. This isn't some girl asking how to get recs or what to wear to pref.

Probably the best advice is to talk to your counselor about it and get some professional, practical advice on how to proceed.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by KDCat

Probably the best advice is to talk to your counselor about it and get some professional, practical advice on how to proceed.