Needing help fitting in despite rough circumstances.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Everyone telling the OP what she needs to do w/r/t the police, please STFU. This is an intensely personal decision, and it is hers to make, not yours. She is receiving professional counseling, and knows what her options are.

How do you know what she knows? No shit this is an intensely personal decision--that she is not the only person in the world to have experienced--and she created a thread about it.

As I always say, Greekchat is not a therapist session or support group for people with life trauma. It technically is not an advice site for college students and GLO aspirants. However, if people want to come here and share their life stories, they will get responses. They can take or leave those responses.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

How do you know what she knows?

Good point; I forgot how terrible some "counselors" can be, especially the free ones provided by a university.

I take no issue with someone suggesting she report it to the police, I take issue with people saying she NEEDS to do so or that it is the "right" thing to do. The OP should do what is best for herself. There is not some moral imperative for her to report this to the police or for her to see vengeance done.

If someone wants to provide more information on how reporting it can help her, or to share a similar experience where it helped them, be my guest, but telling her that a chosen course of action is the "wrong" one is deeply problematic.

Originally Posted by melindawarren

2. If you ask for an opinion, you get one. Aside from one person, everyone simply advised that reporting him to the police might bring closure. If someone came to me about a rape situation, I'd advise that person to bring it to the police. Because, in many cases, that's a very good piece of advice. But it's not my decision; it's just my idea of advising someone.

I was under the impression (from the thread title) that she was asking for advice w/r/t her GLO. The OP is a little broader than that, so you are right, we all have opinions on everything. I am trying (though maybe not well?) to draw the line between "you may feel better if you did this" and "you are obligated to do this".

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Good point; I forgot how terrible some "counselors" can be, especially the free ones provided by a university.

I take no issue with someone suggesting she report it to the police, I take issue with people saying she NEEDS to do so or that it is the "right" thing to do. The OP should do what is best for herself. There is not some moral imperative for her to report this to the police or for her to see vengeance done.

If someone wants to provide more information on how reporting it can help her, or to share a similar experience where it helped them, be my guest, but telling her that a chosen course of action is the "wrong" one is deeply problematic.

I was under the impression (from the thread title) that she was asking for advice w/r/t her GLO. The OP is a little broader than that, so you are right, we all have opinions on everything. I am trying (though maybe not well?) to draw the line between "you may feel better if you did this" and "you are obligated to do this".

If you wanted to add to the conversation, just add to the conversation. Telling people to shut the fuck up and saying "be my guest" makes me wonder who in the hell you are supposed to be. There are different approaches to this topic. If you want to advise people on tone and wording, you need to check your own tone and wording.

"You need to report this to the police" can be interpreted different ways. Some people will interpret "you need" to be a strong encouragement rather than implying that the person is a hell bound idiot if they do not do so. There are survivors of rape and sexual assault who will also tell people "you need to report this to the police," sometimes in a much stronger and more assertive manner.

You do not ask for GLO advice and then preface it with a story of rape. The GLO part of the story will always be the least important part of the story. But, again, this is what happens when people use Greekchat as a center for advice.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

If you wanted to add to the conversation,

I wish to be unambiguous about the fact that the OP has the right not to report this if she chooses not to do so. If the OP is indeed a real person, she has probably taken that message away from my post. Nothing I say is going to change the minds of the people who feel that she has some moral imperative to do so. Therefore, I believe my word (acronym?) choice has conveyed exactly the message I intended.

You are more than welcome to continue scolding me if you feel that it somehow "adds to the conversation", though.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I wish to be unambiguous about the fact that the OP has the right not to report this if she chooses not to do so. If the OP is indeed a real person, she has probably taken that message away from my post. Nothing I say is going to change the minds of the people who feel that she has some moral imperative to do so. Therefore, I believe my word (acronym?) choice has conveyed exactly the message I intended.

Just as telling the OP that she needs to call the police probably conveys the message intended which is not necessarily the same message that you interpreted. The OP will decide where to go from there.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

You are more than welcome to....

"Be my guest."

[33girl]

It's hard to tell you what to do without knowing the makeup or size of your chapter. To say "reach out to your sisters" is vastly different when you're talking about a chapter of 40 and a chapter of 240. Not to mention the social norms/makeup/etc etc of your campus in general.

Don't be mad at your big. She may be pulling away because she doesn't know how to handle it or how to help you. This is a basic self-preservation instinct, and also it's very normal to feel frustrated when you see someone hurting and don't know what you can do (if anything).

All I can say is, bring these questions to your counselor and ask them for advice. And be COMPLETELY honest with them. If you cut yourself 20 times in a week, don't lie and say it was 5. They are un-shock-proof and they don't judge. That's their job.

I would hold off on talking to anyone in the sorority who doesn't know until you speak with your counselor. Have you gotten your grades yet?