Needing help fitting in despite rough circumstances.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Everyone telling the OP what she needs to do w/r/t the police, please STFU. This is an intensely personal decision, and it is hers to make, not yours. She is receiving professional counseling, and knows what her options are.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Everyone telling the OP what she needs to do w/r/t the police, please STFU. This is an intensely personal decision, and it is hers to make, not yours. She is receiving professional counseling, and knows what her options are.

It's intensely personal, but she brought it to a message board and asked for suggestions.

Hopefully, she understands that members are doing just that. Of course, the final decision will be hers.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Everyone telling the OP what she needs to do w/r/t the police, please STFU. This is an intensely personal decision, and it is hers to make, not yours. She is receiving professional counseling, and knows what her options are.

How do you know what she knows? No shit this is an intensely personal decision--that she is not the only person in the world to have experienced--and she created a thread about it.

As I always say, Greekchat is not a therapist session or support group for people with life trauma. It technically is not an advice site for college students and GLO aspirants. However, if people want to come here and share their life stories, they will get responses. They can take or leave those responses.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

How do you know what she knows?

Good point; I forgot how terrible some "counselors" can be, especially the free ones provided by a university.

I take no issue with someone suggesting she report it to the police, I take issue with people saying she NEEDS to do so or that it is the "right" thing to do. The OP should do what is best for herself. There is not some moral imperative for her to report this to the police or for her to see vengeance done.

If someone wants to provide more information on how reporting it can help her, or to share a similar experience where it helped them, be my guest, but telling her that a chosen course of action is the "wrong" one is deeply problematic.

Originally Posted by melindawarren

2. If you ask for an opinion, you get one. Aside from one person, everyone simply advised that reporting him to the police might bring closure. If someone came to me about a rape situation, I'd advise that person to bring it to the police. Because, in many cases, that's a very good piece of advice. But it's not my decision; it's just my idea of advising someone.

I was under the impression (from the thread title) that she was asking for advice w/r/t her GLO. The OP is a little broader than that, so you are right, we all have opinions on everything. I am trying (though maybe not well?) to draw the line between "you may feel better if you did this" and "you are obligated to do this".

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Good point; I forgot how terrible some "counselors" can be, especially the free ones provided by a university.

I take no issue with someone suggesting she report it to the police, I take issue with people saying she NEEDS to do so or that it is the "right" thing to do. The OP should do what is best for herself. There is not some moral imperative for her to report this to the police or for her to see vengeance done.

If someone wants to provide more information on how reporting it can help her, or to share a similar experience where it helped them, be my guest, but telling her that a chosen course of action is the "wrong" one is deeply problematic.

I was under the impression (from the thread title) that she was asking for advice w/r/t her GLO. The OP is a little broader than that, so you are right, we all have opinions on everything. I am trying (though maybe not well?) to draw the line between "you may feel better if you did this" and "you are obligated to do this".

If you wanted to add to the conversation, just add to the conversation. Telling people to shut the fuck up and saying "be my guest" makes me wonder who in the hell you are supposed to be. There are different approaches to this topic. If you want to advise people on tone and wording, you need to check your own tone and wording.

"You need to report this to the police" can be interpreted different ways. Some people will interpret "you need" to be a strong encouragement rather than implying that the person is a hell bound idiot if they do not do so. There are survivors of rape and sexual assault who will also tell people "you need to report this to the police," sometimes in a much stronger and more assertive manner.

You do not ask for GLO advice and then preface it with a story of rape. The GLO part of the story will always be the least important part of the story. But, again, this is what happens when people use Greekchat as a center for advice.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

If you wanted to add to the conversation,

I wish to be unambiguous about the fact that the OP has the right not to report this if she chooses not to do so. If the OP is indeed a real person, she has probably taken that message away from my post. Nothing I say is going to change the minds of the people who feel that she has some moral imperative to do so. Therefore, I believe my word (acronym?) choice has conveyed exactly the message I intended.

You are more than welcome to continue scolding me if you feel that it somehow "adds to the conversation", though.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

I wish to be unambiguous about the fact that the OP has the right not to report this if she chooses not to do so. If the OP is indeed a real person, she has probably taken that message away from my post. Nothing I say is going to change the minds of the people who feel that she has some moral imperative to do so. Therefore, I believe my word (acronym?) choice has conveyed exactly the message I intended.

Just as telling the OP that she needs to call the police probably conveys the message intended which is not necessarily the same message that you interpreted. The OP will decide where to go from there.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

You are more than welcome to....

"Be my guest."

[33girl]

It's hard to tell you what to do without knowing the makeup or size of your chapter. To say "reach out to your sisters" is vastly different when you're talking about a chapter of 40 and a chapter of 240. Not to mention the social norms/makeup/etc etc of your campus in general.

Don't be mad at your big. She may be pulling away because she doesn't know how to handle it or how to help you. This is a basic self-preservation instinct, and also it's very normal to feel frustrated when you see someone hurting and don't know what you can do (if anything).

All I can say is, bring these questions to your counselor and ask them for advice. And be COMPLETELY honest with them. If you cut yourself 20 times in a week, don't lie and say it was 5. They are un-shock-proof and they don't judge. That's their job.

I would hold off on talking to anyone in the sorority who doesn't know until you speak with your counselor. Have you gotten your grades yet?

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Everyone telling the OP what she needs to do w/r/t the police, please STFU. This is an intensely personal decision, and it is hers to make, not yours. She is receiving professional counseling, and knows what her options are.

1. If I understand the way some types of counseling work, she may not know all her options.

2. If you ask for an opinion, you get one. Aside from one person, everyone simply advised that reporting him to the police might bring closure. If someone came to me about a rape situation, I'd advise that person to bring it to the police. Because, in many cases, that's a very good piece of advice. But it's not my decision; it's just my idea of advising someone.

[DZsis&mom]

I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

[melindawarren]

Originally Posted by DZsis&mom

I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

I didn't notice the "admitted" part in the second one.

I did, however, notice that she and her big haven't talked since Christmas and thought that maybe it was premature to lament the lost friendship there (especially considering I owe my big a phone call...since we haven't spoken in almost a week?).

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DZsis&mom

I am not being rude to the OP... BUTTTTTT

Am I the only one who noticed timeline problems with this story?

I'm in a better place right now somewhat, because most of this culminated in a huge breakdown where one of my guy friends brought me to the crisis center and I was admitted to the hospital for three days.

I'm not saying that this is all my sisters being bad people because the large majority do NOT know what I'm going through. My big is the only one who knows… she's supported me since I found out I was her little. Sometime after Christmas something changed in our friendship and we haven't been talking except for the day I was admitted.

She is posting this 2 days after Christmas - how was she admitted for 3 days.

And then we have the issue of the Grades for the Semester. She stated the agreement she made with the instructor didn't work out. Also...skipping classes....bad performance. If she was doing so poorly...did she go thru initiation?

If the story is true...Bless her heart.

But I don't think so. She states she's on meds - If she is already in counseling & possible a support group. Why lay it out on the line in Greek Chat..???

Don't mean to offend. & my 2 cents doesn't buy Much.

Just how I see it.

My question marks were her saying in one place that she has trouble sleeping and under the "self destructive behavior" she says she sleeps all the time. And promiscuity when she says sounds and colors and words can cause paralyzing fear? Not saying it couldn't be caused by the feelings of worthlessness, but I just can't see someone with the fears she's described being capable of being promiscuous.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

My question marks were her saying in one place that she has trouble sleeping and under the "self destructive behavior" she says she sleeps all the time. And promiscuity when she says sounds and colors and words can cause paralyzing fear? Not saying it couldn't be caused by the feelings of worthlessness, but I just can't see someone with the fears she's described being capable of being promiscuous.

I can believe it, when you add in the drinking. It seems believable to me that someone could have a lot of problems when sober, drink too much to dull the symptoms, and act out sexually when drinking.

The sleeping thing... I don't know. Sleeping too much is a depression symptom. Not sleeping is a depression symptom. I don't know if people go back and forth between the two.