How bad is it to miss your first chapter meeting?

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I disagree that quitting is your answer. I think you should go, and see how you feel then. As someone who sometimes has to force myself to be social I have had that "DO NOT WANT TO GO" feeling. However you need to go now, then talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling and what is legitimately making you upset.

If you can't reconcile it, then you can depledge.

Maybe this is lane swerving, but I would feel some kinda way if a new member had to force herself to participate in a ritual, and that would be her litmus test of seeing if this was for her. We (greeks) put a lot of energy into ceremonies like this, and for someone to be lukewarm about it would be a blow to the ego on behalf of my chapter.

I dont think "not being a social butterfly" cuts it here. When you join something bigger, you have to start checking yourself at the door for the bigger whole. It sounds like a whole lot of "I" in her team.

I just wonder why there's even an option of OP going or not. Maybe that's considered hazing, to make a PNM participate in ritual?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by tld221

Maybe this is lane swerving, but I would feel some kinda way if a new member had to force herself to participate in a ritual, and that would be her litmus test of seeing if this was for her. We (greeks) put a lot of energy into ceremonies like this, and for someone to be lukewarm about it would be a blow to the ego on behalf of my chapter.

I dont think "not being a social butterfly" cuts it here. When you join something bigger, you have to start checking yourself at the door for the bigger whole. It sounds like a whole lot of "I" in her team.

I just wonder why there's even an option of OP going or not. Maybe that's considered hazing, to make a PNM participate in ritual?

I suspect that the "pledge mom" phrased it as a question not to really give it an option but to sound nice. Requiring NMs to attend pledging (generally something actives have to attend too) isn't hazing.

We talk a lot about new members not being sure, not being 100% comfortable, not really clicking with the sorority and it's entirely possible that she's one of those rather than someone who doesn't want to bother with the time. That's why it seems a bit premature to say "GTFO" without her actually talking to someone she knows and trusts about this - rather than the internet. If she's in that boat at initiation she shouldn't go through with it, but right now she could. As for ego, it's like getting the NMs who don't necessarily want to be there, hopefully the "pledge mom" or "NM educator" or whatever is mature enough to handle whatever fears, concerns or problems a PNM has without the ego getting in the way.

And I was talking more about social anxiety than not being a social butterfly. Example: If my friend has a party I'll probably say "sure I'll be there" and then spend EVERY day leading up to it trying to think of ways to get out of it besides "sorry, can't make it." Up to and including "I'm not feeling well, hope you guys have fun while I'm stuck by the bathroom." Not because I don't like my friend, but because the looming thought of a social event can weight HEAVILY on someone who isn't necessarily comfortable in a situation. The times I've forced myself to go, I've generally had fun, even if only on another friend's behalf. Her "REALLY DO NOT WANT TO GO" feelings rang that bell for me. And this sounds like, previous year or not, this is her first experience in a larger school with this sort of obligation. She does need to learn to check the I for the team, but I'm not surprised that she might not be there yet.

In absence of more detail, I rather hope she picks it up and gives it a shot rather than quitting for vague reasons. (For all we know some idiot told her a goat was involved in some disgusting pledge ritual, we don't know.)

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I suspect that the "pledge mom" phrased it as a question not to really give it an option but to sound nice. Requiring NMs to attend pledging (generally something actives have to attend too) isn't hazing.

I read it more as "Are you all able to attend that night, because if not, we can choose another night when everyone is able to make it." I don't know how large the OP's chapter is, but I know for mine, when I was active, we always had new member classes of less than 10, and the New Member Educator would try to find a night of the week when all of the new members were able to make their ceremonies/weekly meetings.

However, an excuse for not being able to attend always had to be a legitimate one (like the ones that others have mentioned here).

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I read it more as "Are you all able to attend that night, because if not, we can choose another night when everyone is able to make it." I don't know how large the OP's chapter is, but I know for mine, when I was active, we always had new member classes of less than 10, and the New Member Educator would try to find a night of the week when all of the new members were able to make their ceremonies/weekly meetings.

However, an excuse for not being able to attend always had to be a legitimate one (like the ones that others have mentioned here).

Ah, possible. Our classes were more 40s-ish so there was very little to no moving of events.

[LouisaMay]

I absolutely did not want to go to my pledge ceremony. I had to travel about an hour in near-blizzard conditions. I am naturally and profoundly shy. I was in a panic about meeting a lot of new people, and I HATED my outfit. HATED it.

But...I forced myself to go. With shaking knees and sweaty palms, I accepted my new member pin, hugged my new sisters, and went home with a sweet bouquet of white roses. More than these things, the ceremony marked the beginning of a wonderful part of my life. It was a beautiful moment in my sorority experience! I treasure those memories.

Go to the ceremony. It just might kick up your enthusiasm, or you'll see that you aren't ready for the kind of commitment that membership will require, and you can take the appropriate steps to end your association with the group.