How bad is it to miss your first chapter meeting?

[Drolefille]

I disagree that quitting is your answer. I think you should go, and see how you feel then. As someone who sometimes has to force myself to be social I have had that "DO NOT WANT TO GO" feeling. However you need to go now, then talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling and what is legitimately making you upset.

If you can't reconcile it, then you can depledge.

[SWTXBelle]

Life is full of "DO NOT WANT TO GO" activities to which you have to go. Welcome to adulthood - make the right choice.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I disagree that quitting is your answer. I think you should go, and see how you feel then. As someone who sometimes has to force myself to be social I have had that "DO NOT WANT TO GO" feeling. However you need to go now, then talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling and what is legitimately making you upset.

If you can't reconcile it, then you can depledge.

Maybe this is lane swerving, but I would feel some kinda way if a new member had to force herself to participate in a ritual, and that would be her litmus test of seeing if this was for her. We (greeks) put a lot of energy into ceremonies like this, and for someone to be lukewarm about it would be a blow to the ego on behalf of my chapter.

I dont think "not being a social butterfly" cuts it here. When you join something bigger, you have to start checking yourself at the door for the bigger whole. It sounds like a whole lot of "I" in her team.

I just wonder why there's even an option of OP going or not. Maybe that's considered hazing, to make a PNM participate in ritual?

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by tld221

Maybe this is lane swerving, but I would feel some kinda way if a new member had to force herself to participate in a ritual, and that would be her litmus test of seeing if this was for her. We (greeks) put a lot of energy into ceremonies like this, and for someone to be lukewarm about it would be a blow to the ego on behalf of my chapter.

I dont think "not being a social butterfly" cuts it here. When you join something bigger, you have to start checking yourself at the door for the bigger whole. It sounds like a whole lot of "I" in her team.

I just wonder why there's even an option of OP going or not. Maybe that's considered hazing, to make a PNM participate in ritual?

I suspect that the "pledge mom" phrased it as a question not to really give it an option but to sound nice. Requiring NMs to attend pledging (generally something actives have to attend too) isn't hazing.

We talk a lot about new members not being sure, not being 100% comfortable, not really clicking with the sorority and it's entirely possible that she's one of those rather than someone who doesn't want to bother with the time. That's why it seems a bit premature to say "GTFO" without her actually talking to someone she knows and trusts about this - rather than the internet. If she's in that boat at initiation she shouldn't go through with it, but right now she could. As for ego, it's like getting the NMs who don't necessarily want to be there, hopefully the "pledge mom" or "NM educator" or whatever is mature enough to handle whatever fears, concerns or problems a PNM has without the ego getting in the way.

And I was talking more about social anxiety than not being a social butterfly. Example: If my friend has a party I'll probably say "sure I'll be there" and then spend EVERY day leading up to it trying to think of ways to get out of it besides "sorry, can't make it." Up to and including "I'm not feeling well, hope you guys have fun while I'm stuck by the bathroom." Not because I don't like my friend, but because the looming thought of a social event can weight HEAVILY on someone who isn't necessarily comfortable in a situation. The times I've forced myself to go, I've generally had fun, even if only on another friend's behalf. Her "REALLY DO NOT WANT TO GO" feelings rang that bell for me. And this sounds like, previous year or not, this is her first experience in a larger school with this sort of obligation. She does need to learn to check the I for the team, but I'm not surprised that she might not be there yet.

In absence of more detail, I rather hope she picks it up and gives it a shot rather than quitting for vague reasons. (For all we know some idiot told her a goat was involved in some disgusting pledge ritual, we don't know.)

[LouisaMay]

I absolutely did not want to go to my pledge ceremony. I had to travel about an hour in near-blizzard conditions. I am naturally and profoundly shy. I was in a panic about meeting a lot of new people, and I HATED my outfit. HATED it.

But...I forced myself to go. With shaking knees and sweaty palms, I accepted my new member pin, hugged my new sisters, and went home with a sweet bouquet of white roses. More than these things, the ceremony marked the beginning of a wonderful part of my life. It was a beautiful moment in my sorority experience! I treasure those memories.

Go to the ceremony. It just might kick up your enthusiasm, or you'll see that you aren't ready for the kind of commitment that membership will require, and you can take the appropriate steps to end your association with the group.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

I suspect that the "pledge mom" phrased it as a question not to really give it an option but to sound nice. Requiring NMs to attend pledging (generally something actives have to attend too) isn't hazing.

I read it more as "Are you all able to attend that night, because if not, we can choose another night when everyone is able to make it." I don't know how large the OP's chapter is, but I know for mine, when I was active, we always had new member classes of less than 10, and the New Member Educator would try to find a night of the week when all of the new members were able to make their ceremonies/weekly meetings.

However, an excuse for not being able to attend always had to be a legitimate one (like the ones that others have mentioned here).

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

I read it more as "Are you all able to attend that night, because if not, we can choose another night when everyone is able to make it." I don't know how large the OP's chapter is, but I know for mine, when I was active, we always had new member classes of less than 10, and the New Member Educator would try to find a night of the week when all of the new members were able to make their ceremonies/weekly meetings.

However, an excuse for not being able to attend always had to be a legitimate one (like the ones that others have mentioned here).

Ah, possible. Our classes were more 40s-ish so there was very little to no moving of events.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by MissNoelle

UGH. I'm a sophomore! I don't know why I put freshman. I went to a private out of state university my first year, so a lot of the credits didn't transfer back to my state uni when I came back. So credits-wise I have to catch up and I'm freshman status, but I'm a second year college student. I've been overloading on credits though so that by next year I have enough to be a junior. But anywaaaaays.

I know it sounds flaky and like I don't want to commit. That's not true. I really do want to get involved on campus and be in greek life. I just REALLY don't want to go today. I can't even explain how much I don't want to. Maybe I'm not as into all this sorority stuff as I thought, or maybe it just takes a while to get into it. I think I'm just going to make myself go...I might as well. I don't want to regret it later. :/

Two things here.
1) Why is it that you don't want to go? If it's a situation similar to what Drolefille described, this is a life lesson. In the real world you will HAVE to attend meetings and such where you WILL have to interact with others. This is a good time to learn how to. When I first got to college I had a hard time with social situations and would dread them...and usually latch on to someone more outgoing as a front. But joining a sorority quickly taught me how to get past that. I'm now able to work a room with ease and though part of it is confidence, most of the credit is due to my time as a collegian. If it's because you're lazy or would rather hang out with your friends...quit. I would say stay because you need to learn now (not when you're fired from your first job because you just didn't feel like showing up sometimes) to get over yourself, but I don't think it's appropriate to use a chapter of girls that actually give a shit to do that.
2) All that being said, no matter what your excuse is this is life. As someone else said your list of DON'T WANT TOs will get longer every year, and you'll have to do those things anyway. That's part of being a big kid. Whether you stick with it or not you need to force yourself to start behaving like an adult so that you get into the habit before you graduate and fall on your face in the real world.

For the record, it IS flaky and it does sound like you don't want to commit. Whatever you decide, if you have this little interest in the sorority come initiation, don't hurt those girls that do care by becoming deadweight.

[33girl]

Miss Noelle - if it was JUST a chapter meeting, that would be one thing, but it's not...it's your official pledging ceremony. Maybe the pledge educator didn't do a very good job of explaining exactly what makes this ceremony so important. Some sororities like to keep things a little quiet and preserve a lot of mystery, that's fine. So, let me explain (although hopefully you've left by now).

To miss this ceremony would be kind of like if you were getting married and didn't go with your fiance to get the license.

It's kind of like if you were in labor and your obstetrician didn't show up for the delivery.

It's kind of like if you're making funeral arrangements for someone and neglected to purchase a casket.

[adpiucf]

I think it is fine to miss a meeting if you have a legitimate reason. I also think we don't know how the OP's pledge coordinator phrased this to the new members. The chapter may not have had concrete dates in mind. Or perhaps they did. That being said, the girls I knew in college who missed the mandatory pledge ceremony (meaning it was rescheduled a few days later for them) were girls who dropped out either before initation or shortly thereafter.

ETA: If you're asking us if it is ok to miss that first meeting/pledge initation, that must mean you know it really isn't ok. Go with your gut.

[Shellfish]

I kind of think this is another troll, because on one of Babyfuzzie's threads at College Confidential, there was a reply from a MissNoella. Coincidence?

[seaquin]

Originally Posted by excelblue

If you have to ask, it's probably not important enough as an excuse. You better go to the pledging ceremony. Here's why:

1.) If you commit to the sorority, you're going to feel extremely bad that you missed the ceremony.

2.) If you won't be committed to the sorority, you shouldn't be joining the sorority in the first place.

If you had plans with friends, you should move them around. Just tell them that you have an important meeting scheduled.

completely agree

[U Go Glen Coco!]

Originally Posted by steelersgirly

I am a bad example but I have done it before.
I have claimed sickness and whatnot when I didn't feel like going to chapter meeting and I am just fine in my sorority standing.
I would never do this on the first meeting though at least go to like three or four before you start skipping.

Or how about you not skip at all?

Skipping does not = missing a meeting for legitimate reasons.

[Regina.George]

Originally Posted by steelersgirly

Sometimes I just don't feel like going.
Our President puts the agenda online also so it is not like we don't know whats going on if we skip. However New Member Meetings are different; you should try to go to those.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by steelersgirly

Sometimes I just don't feel like going.
Our President puts the agenda online also so it is not like we don't know whats going on if we skip. However New Member Meetings are different; you should try to go to those.

Yep, you're a bad example.

Try that on your future boss. See how it turns out.