Discipline: Spanking

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

No parent nor kid is perfect.

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Did you know that BP spilled some oil?

I just laughed so hard, I peed a little.



Without re-hashing this entire thread, I think those who said they only spank when the child does something threatening/dangerous are on the right track. I'm not an advocate for spanking as a regular discipline but, from a behavioral standpoint, it's good for children/people to associate life-threatening behaviors (sticking things in a socket, riding bikes into traffic, etc) with pain. Because pain and/or death is what will come of it and better it come from the disciplinarian than the actual result of the action.

Now, there's a difference between spanking to teach a lesson and spanking to let out your own frustrations. I "spank" my nephew occasionally (really more of a light swat) when he's being deliberately defiant because history has shown nothing else will get his attention. I never really swat him hard enough to hurt, but he's a really sensitive kid so even just flicking him in the arm will get his full attention.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by agzg

I shouldn't HAVE to put up with other people's asshole kids when I'm out.

I have had a lot of success with children in public quieting down when I give them the look and shake my head slightly so they can see I disapprove, as long as I can make eye contact. I don't know whether it's embarrassment or simply an unspoken boundary being set, but it's very quick and does not draw attention to the child or the parent.

At a previous job, there was a woman who used to bring her daughter to work. The time frame was over the course of about three years ending with the little girl heading off to school, so she was pretty young.

The child was considered a holy terror from screaming in the office to grinding crayons into the carpet. She would tear up people's work spaces because they wouldn't speak up to her. With me, though, every time she did something I didn't like, I would take her by both arms and look her in the eye to get her attention so I could tell her why it was unacceptable. It scared her at first, but little by little, she got the message. After that, she knew that when she was being good, she could come get a hug or draw at my desk or just about anything she asked nicely to do, as long as I wasn't busy.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

And ironically in school I the most perfect child you could ask for, because I badly wanted to be the teacher's pet. Never acted out during school hours. I'm sure my teachers would've been floored if they'd ever encountered the after school me.

When I was teaching first grade a few years ago, I had a student who was the same way. When it came time for "Back to School Night" which I believe was a month into the school year, the mother and her cousin/brother (whoever the male of the house was) didn't believe that I was talking about their child. I was like.... "No, his behavior is perfect." And they were all "Why do you act up at home but not for Mr. Darden?" And he shrugged.

Kids are crazy.

Originally Posted by IrishLake

Why are they this good? Two reasons: we reward for good behavior, and we punish for bad behavior.

I wish more parents and schools believed this. One reason I left the education field was the abject failure of PBIS - Positive Behavior Intervention Systems - and school-wide incentive plans. They were just stupid. They rolled out all this theoretical candy and balloons and hugs and meanwhile the badass kids stayed bad. No consequences whatsoever.

I am so home schooling.

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

I had 3 children who didn't need spanking. So, before #4, I was anti-spanking. Then came #4 - for whom spanking (or most of the time, the threat of it) was the only thing which worked for serious infractions for a period of about 2 years. As in most things parenting - I'd advise not speaking in absolutes. "I'd NEVER . . ." is setting yourself up.

One of the best pieces of advice I got from a parent was that every child is different and it doesn't matter if the previous ones came from the same parents in the same house.... some will just be wired differently. I'm glad I know that now.

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Me too. My mom called it "licks" as in "that's one lick." She didn't even say what we were doing wrong just "that's two licks." Those three words would set me straight every time. And, my mother didn't forget nethin. She'd say it in the morning on the way to school and I knew when I got home it was on.

OMG my mom too! (I think, it didn't happen often)

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I have had a lot of success with children in public quieting down when I give them the look and shake my head slightly so they can see I disapprove, as long as I can make eye contact. I don't know whether it's embarrassment or simply an unspoken boundary being set, but it's very quick and does not draw attention to the child or the parent.

At a previous job, there was a woman who used to bring her daughter to work. The time frame was over the course of about three years ending with the little girl heading off to school, so she was pretty young.

The child was considered a holy terror from screaming in the office to grinding crayons into the carpet. She would tear up people's work spaces because they wouldn't speak up to her. With me, though, every time she did something I didn't like, I would take her by both arms and look her in the eye to get her attention so I could tell her why it was unacceptable. It scared her at first, but little by little, she got the message. After that, she knew that when she was being good, she could come get a hug or draw at my desk or just about anything she asked nicely to do, as long as I wasn't busy.

I do that too! There was this kid playing with a dead bird on a stick next to my apartment building. I looked at him in the eye and said "Stop it." he was shook. I was smug.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

The funny thing is that the joke WAS for you.

we are right >>>here<<<

hewwo

[starang21]

i watch shows like that nanny show, and think i'll enjoy putting the fear of God in my child.



don't judge me.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

he was shook. I was smug.

GET EM!

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I remember when grocery stores began having candy/chips/toys-free check out lines so kids won't ask for stuff. I guess not every parent was able to get their kid to adhere to the "don't ask for anything" rule.

I learned this one the hard way. It is the only time I remember my mother lighting my ass up in a store! (I can laugh about it now). And you know since you embarrassed the family name, you got some more ass whuppin' when you got home

Originally Posted by starang21

i watch shows like that nanny show, and think i'll enjoy putting the fear of God in my child.



don't judge me.

Thank you! Kids don't have the fear of God in them these days, or the fear of their parents for that matter.
I remember talking to my late mother in law and she was like, "you can't spank kids these days, they'll call the cops/cps on you'"
I'll be damned if I am ever going to be afraid to discipline my child

One of my favorite comedians talks about this The CPS bit starts at 3:50

[starang21]

Originally Posted by Jill1228

they'll call the cops/cps on you

he/she can call cps or the cops while i'm whooping their ass.

and russell peters is hilarious.

"somebody gonna get a hurt real bad."

"sombody."

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by Jill1228

I learned this one the hard way. It is the only time I remember my mother lighting my ass up in a store! (I can laugh about it now). And you know since you embarrassed the family name, you got some more ass whuppin' when you got home

I've probably mentioned it already on GC, but the story is good. When I was a little one I stole some lifesavers from the supermarket. I had asked my mom to get them for me and, being that anti-sugar advocate she was, she said no. So I took them anyway.

I got caught trying to be slick and eat them in the back of the car before we got home, but my crunching gave me away. My mother turned right back around to go to the store. When we got there, she spoke with the manager whom she was friendly with (neighborhood store) and then brought me over.

I was mortified and scared. I apologized and the manager listened. Then, he STARTED TO TAKE OFF HIS BELT while telling me the next time I stole from him, he'd take care of it himself. At this point I was terrified.

I still got my behind whooped once we got home.

[pshsx1]

Originally Posted by starang21

he/she can call cps or the cops while i'm whooping their ass.

and russell peters is hilarious.

"somebody gonna get a hurt real bad."

"sombody."

If I had a nickle for each time I've heard someone in my family say that... lol

And props to the lady at Goodwill yesterday who handled her kid in public with The Talk. Get it, girl!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by pshsx1

And props to the lady at Goodwill yesterday who handled her kid in public with The Talk. Get it, girl!

LOL.

[KSUViolet06]

In light of my new job, I found myself discussing this with a co-worker and wanted to bump the thread.

[Munchkin03]

I'm pretty anti-corporal punishment, save for a single smack or "lick" when the kid's done something like run into the street, endanger their siblings, or stick a co-ax cable in a socket (guilty!). That's the way I was raised, and I'd like to think that I'd do the same thing.

There's a strong correlation between race, socioeconomic status, education, and the use of heavy corporal punishment. I've seen that in play with my very large extended family--and how it's played out now that my generation are mostly parents. I wonder how that will play itself out in the next generation or so, when race becomes less of an indicator of socioeconomic status or educational level.

I'm just rambling at this point, but I have STRONG anti-spanking opinions, basically borne out of the fact that I wasn't raised that way.

[KSUViolet06]

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

I recently started a new position where I work with such kids. You'd be surprised at some of the parental rationales for doing so. Even when they have been told that the behaviors their kid exhibits are the result of a developmental delay or other disorder.

Ex: Bobby has severe ADHD. You spanking him every time he gets a Red Card isn't going to make him stop talking during Circle Time/putting paste in other kid's hair/etc. No, I don't care that your friend/mom/etc. says "he's just not getting enough spankings at home." You can spank him until the cows come home, that's not going to change behavior.

I know I'm not a parent, but jeez.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Super sad = parents spanking their developmentally delayed children.

I recently started a new position where I work with such kids. You'd be surprised at some of the parental rationales for doing so. Even when they have been told that the behaviors their kid exhibits are the result of a developmental delay or other disorder.

Ex: Bobby has severe ADHD. You spanking him every time he gets a Red Card isn't going to make him stop talking during Circle Time/putting paste in other kid's hair/etc. No, I don't care that your friend/mom/etc. says "he's just not getting enough spankings at home." You can spank him until the cows come home, that's not going to change behavior.

I know I'm not a parent, but jeez.

And don't get me started with the ones that spank their kids because they had a potty training "accident"