HELP! Big/Little problems :(

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Why can't we be supportive sisters from a distance and realize that our sisters need support at their chapters when we are gone? Yes, it hurts that they find support from other sisters. Get over it.

You're contradicting yourself.

If the specific big/little relationship means as little in the long run as you seem to think, why do they need the "support" of being specifically adopted by someone else? Isn't a chapter full of sisters "support" enough? Isn't the little being "petulant" to want a new big even when she has other family members there to support her?

Let's just say different chapters look at big/little in different ways and let it go at that.

Also, I never saw anything in the OP's post that said she was going to cut her little out of her life. If anything, she seems afraid that the little is going to do that to her.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You're contradicting yourself.

If the specific big/little relationship means as little in the long run as you seem to think, why do they need the "support" of being specifically adopted by someone else? Isn't a chapter full of sisters "support" enough? Isn't the little being "petulant" to want a new big even when she has other family members there to support her?

Let's just say different chapters look at big/little in different ways and let it go at that.

Also, I never saw anything in the OP's post that said she was going to cut her little out of her life. If anything, she seems afraid that the little is going to do that to her.

We all know that in a big chapter, you can get lost in a sea of sisters. Just because you have an extended "family" does not mean that they are close to you or actually lend you support. If they do, great. My whole point is, don't begrudge your Little if she seeks support from another sister. From what the OP wrote, her Little sister isn't seeking out anything, other sisters are seeking her out. Of course, this is all one sided. When I wrote about cutting her little sister out of her life, I was referring to Raggedy Ann's story and warning the OP that this was not a good way to handle the situation.

I think "Big Sis" is a label. I gets overused, and people allow it to hurt their feelings for no reason. It's only natural that her little sis will seek other sisters to make close relationships with once her Big Sis has left the chapter. Does it really matter that much if she calls her Big Sis or Adopted Big Sis or Pseudo Big Sis or God Big Sis? If she still has a good relationship with her original Big Sis, she can have the best of both worlds. There should be no reason to choose. These are not exclusive relationships. It's not a marriage, and she's not CHEATING.

[SunDevilGreek]

So there's a lot going on in this thread, let me make a few things clear.

1. Yes family trees would be rearranged if she took a new big (the ones that are proposing taking her, anyway)

2. She is definitely AGAINST the idea of having a new big, these girls are trying to coerce her into it. Don't get me wrong, they're not banging down her door or anything, but she's sort of the type of person that gets talked into things easily. I'm not angry at her AT ALL for any of this, nor do I actually think she would ever get a new big. I'm upset with the girls that are seriously considering taking her as a little. I mean quite frankly it's just rude.

3. I'm an awesome big. I took her in her freshman year (she's a junior now) and I've helped her through everything (not just initiation) that's come up in her life. Parents, school, boy drama, etc. Now that I'm gone I send her care packages, we talk almost everyday, and I'm flying out for her 21st this winter. I'm honestly doing everything I can to be as good a big as I can be while she's on the other side of the country.

4. Finally, this isn't a possessive thing. My little is my best friend- if she takes another big, that's like breaking the bond that brought us together. I know some people aren't very close with their bigs, and maybe in some chapters the big/little relationship is for initiation mostly. Everyone in my chapter puts a huge emphasis on the big/little relationship, so that's why them moving in on her is so hurtful. BECAUSE IT'S A BIG DEAL.

Thanks so much for all your comments, I needed insight.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by SunDevilGreek

nor do I actually think she would ever get a new big.

Then there's no issue.

4. Finally, this isn't a possessive thing. My little is my best friend- if she takes another big, that's like breaking the bond that brought us together. I know some people aren't very close with their bigs, and maybe in some chapters the big/little relationship is for initiation mostly. Everyone in my chapter puts a huge emphasis on the big/little relationship, so that's why them moving in on her is so hurtful. BECAUSE IT'S A BIG DEAL.

Thanks so much for all your comments, I needed insight.

Your friendship won't cease to exist because of someone else taking her as a little. Would they forbid her to speak with you? Would they stop you two from seeing each other?

You can still maintain a great relationship without the titles.

[SunDevilGreek]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Then there's no issue.



Your friendship won't cease to exist because of someone else taking her as a little. Would they forbid her to speak with you? Would they stop you two from seeing each other?

You can still maintain a great relationship without the titles.

I never said our relationship would "cease to exist". This isn't about that. I'm upset AT THE OTHER GIRLS. The situation INVOLVES my little, but really doesn't have anything to do with her, if that makes sense.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by SunDevilGreek

I never said our relationship would "cease to exist". This isn't about that. I'm upset AT THE OTHER GIRLS. The situation INVOLVES my little, but really doesn't have anything to do with her, if that makes sense.

So your little won't take a new big, even though others are trying? Also, you and your little maintain a great relationship, even in your absence?

I don't see what the problem is. It sounds like you're mad that the other girls are trying, but if your little isn't responding to it, there's really no issue.

[33girl]

You need be straight with the other girls and say "I realize you love Little, but what you are doing is really hurting my feelings." It's not like you dropped off the earth.

I also agree with sbm that your little may not be as blameless in all this as she claims. It's an awesome thing to feel like people want you that much, even if it is in kind of an underhanded way, and she may be enabling it more than she realizes. She needs to grow a pair and say "I HAVE a big. Drop it. NOW."

Hope you get this all worked out, because it is a shitty situation that should never even have happened.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by SunDevilGreek

4. Finally, this isn't a possessive thing. My little is my best friend- if she takes another big, that's like breaking the bond that brought us together. I know some people aren't very close with their bigs, and maybe in some chapters the big/little relationship is for initiation mostly. Everyone in my chapter puts a huge emphasis on the big/little relationship, so that's why them moving in on her is so hurtful. BECAUSE IT'S A BIG DEAL.

Yes it is a possessive thing. If something like this can tarnish your relationship, then you really aren't as close as you think or say.

You're not there. You left. It's out of your control. And frankly, if she's already a junior how many girls can really want to take her on as a little for what amounts to a few months before they graduate?

And if she really is being omgtotallycoerced, then she needs to put on her big girl thong and give them a firm, loving and definitive "thanks but no thanks."

Your posts are making both of you sound like drama queens. Maybe that's your real bond.