How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[AOII Angel]

Going through recruitment as a legacy is hard. Trying to decide if it's worth it to go your own way or honor the bond with your family member is difficult without that family member breathing down your neck. I pity this girl for having this hella-mom (not heli-mom.) I predict an early drop out.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by dgdramadawg

Okay, story, then a question:

I recently spoke with a girl from my church who will be going through recruitment at an SEC school in the fall. Her mom was Greek at this school, but she decided to ask me for some recruitment advice. Even though I did not attend the school the PNM will be rushing at, I gave her the usual standard SEC recruitment advice and told her that she might want to ask her mom for more information specific to this school.

Then I offered to write her a recommendation for Delta Gamma, and she responded: "My mom won't let me get recommendations for other chapters because she says the only one she will pay for me to be in is [her own chapter]."

This is an SEC school with what is considered a VERY competitive recruitment. The PNM's mother is a member of a very sought-after chapter on that campus, and being a legacy does not in any way guarantee this PNM a bid in any situation, but especially when she is an out-of-state PNM who knows no one in the chapter.

1. WHY would this mom sabotage her daughter's recruitment by refusing to allow her daughter to seek recommendations for or even consider membership in any other chapter?

2. The larger issue: I would expect that most mothers would love for their daughters to join them as sisters... but how should moms treat their legacy daughters with respect to recruitment? Is there a way for a mother to encourage her daughter to consider her own house more heavily without destroying her chances at every other house on campus?

My daughter will be heading for college in 3 years. She has grown up at the AXO house running around there since she has been a toddler. She just asked me the other day if she HAD to join AXO. I told her she could join any where she wanted to and that she didn't have to be an AXO if she didn't want to. As much as I would LOVE her to be an AXO I think she has the right to choose to join another Chapter if she wants. Heck, she may not even want to go through recruitment. Just because I love it doesn't mean she will. The only way I would encourage my dd to pledge AXO on a specific campus is if I knew a lot about that specific Chapter. Even if she were to go to the college I went to there are no guarantees that the Chapter would be the same or a good fit for her.

My guess is that Mom doesn't understand how much recruitment has changed since she was at school. I'm glad you guys are going to write her recs, but if she is feeling this type of pressure before recruitment my guess is she will be reluctant to join another Chapter for fear of facing the wrath of Mommy Dearest.

[SWTXBelle]

Can you imagine Mommy Dearest's reaction if the legacy chapter cuts her darling??

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

Can you imagine Mommy Dearest's reaction if the legacy chapter cuts her darling??

Can you imagine being the one to make THAT phone call?? (If AXO does that...)

[Psi U MC Vito]

You know I would say it was just ignorance, if not for the fact that her mom would only pay for her legacy chapter. It seems to me she wants her daughter to be her Sister or not Greek at all.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

You know I would say it was just ignorance, if not for the fact that her mom would only pay for her legacy chapter. It seems to me she wants her daughter to be her Sister or not Greek at all.

Perhaps it could be some of both -- if she thinks daughter is an automatic for her chapter, that could color her view of what daughter should do.

[Senusret I]

I didn't think anybody but NPHC parents said they wouldn't pay for any other organization

[AGDee]

I want my daughter to be an Alpha Gam. I really really want my daughter to be an Alpha Gam. She still likes me enough, at 16, to think it would be cool to share that. Most of the schools she is seriously interested in don't have Alpha Gam chapters. I certainly won't dissuade her from her Columbia dream just because they don't have an Alpha Gam chapter. I have told her I'll pay her sorority dues if she chooses to join one no matter what school or chapter it is. All that said, if she does end up at Michigan (or another school with an AGD chapter) I'm going to be crushed if she doesn't go AGD. However, I will still support her and cry privately Two years!

In fact, in two years, our Convention is in St. Louis and she really loves St. Louis. She has asked me if she can come and sight see and stuff. There are a few Alpha Gam events at Convention that welcome guests and if she is going to a school with an Alpha Gam chapter, she just might accompany me. I told her we'll see. I think she wants to bring a friend too. Could be interesting.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I want my daughter to be an Alpha Gam. I really really want my daughter to be an Alpha Gam.

LOL, Dee, I hear you. May both us have daughters in our sorority someday!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by AGDee

In fact, in two years, our Convention is in St. Louis and she really loves St. Louis. She has asked me if she can come and sight see and stuff. There are a few Alpha Gam events at Convention that welcome guests and if she is going to a school with an Alpha Gam chapter, she just might accompany me. I told her we'll see. I think she wants to bring a friend too. Could be interesting.

She's not going to compete with me for roommate choice, is she?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by agzg

She's not going to compete with me for roommate choice, is she?

If she brings a friend, I'd probably put them in their own room.. maybe adjoining. Otherwise, she and I can share a bed.. after all, I birthed her, she can share a bed with me. OMG.. she'll be 18. Then you only have to pay 1/3rd!

[agzg]

Originally Posted by AGDee

If she brings a friend, I'd probably put them in their own room.. maybe adjoining. Otherwise, she and I can share a bed.. after all, I birthed her, she can share a bed with me. OMG.. she'll be 18. Then you only have to pay 1/3rd!

Hooray!

[SWTXBelle]

When I was an advisor I asked actives to give legacies the benefit of the doubt. I would never ask them to give an invite to a pnm they didn't want in the chapter (and I can remember one case when they HATED a rude pnm - she was a legacy to us and another chapter, and really wanted the other legacy chapter.), but I would hope they would give legacies every possible consideration.

[KSUViolet06]

If I remember correctly, there has been discussion on GC of sororities implementing a "Super Legacy" (like some more selective colleges do) system at some of the schools where there are more legacies than 2nd round invites. The Super Legacy = the child of a more involved alumna. She would receive a higher level courtesy than a lesser involved one.

Here's the thread I think it was in:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...t=Super+Legacy

[Gusteau]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If I remember correctly, there has been discussion on GC of sororities implementing a "Super Legacy" (like some more selective colleges do) system at some of the schools where there are more legacies than 2nd round invites.

When I read the term "super legacy" I couldn't stop laughing. We had a kid last fall who we referred to as "super legacy," in fact I'm pretty sure most of the chapter didn't even know his name and only knew him by "super legacy." His father, brother, uncle, and grandfather are/were all Delta Chis, and at least one of his Delta Chi relatives was in the chapter at the same time as the sitting state senator! So we was a quadruple legacy with political Delta Chi connections. The term "super legacy" was an understatement. He was not interested in our chapter (it was pretty mutual actually) and ended up pledging, but not initiating another group. He ended up transferring back to the school his relatives went to, and I won't be surprised if he ends up pledging Delta Chi there this fall.