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I don't think the issue between those two is hyphenated names, honestly. This sounds like a power struggle/control issue and it would be a huge red flag to me regarding how conflicts will be dealt with later.
That said, I have co-workers who kept their maiden names completely. One doesn't care if things come to Mr. & Dr. HisLastName. Another one has an absolute fit. It's hard to figure out how to address their Christmas card so I don't mail one to them, I had deliver it to her at work with their first names all on the front. As she will attest, (and with moms I know who changed their names when they got remarried and subsequently have a different last name than their kids), teachers/schools/club leaders, etc. are almost always going to mess it up. I also think it's hard then to name the kids. Which name do they get? It adds a lot of confusion. However, if they want to live with that, more power to them.
I missed my maiden name when I got married the first time, so when I got married the second time, I legally changed my middle name to my maiden name. So now, I am legally FirstName MaidenName LastName. My middle name was Marie before anyway... along with half the people I know from my generation! I wasn't attached to it in anyway.
People should do what's right for them. This guy sounds like a total jerk to me though. If he's freaking out this much about a name, what's he going to do about serious stuff?
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