American Torry-Ann Hansen SENDS BACK Adopted Russian Son Artem

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Because people want their kids to be at least one or preferably both of these things:
1. White
2. Babies

Not to mention if the kid's mom is from somewhere in Russia there's not a whole heck of a big chance that she'll show up somewhere down the line. I think with the new era of open adoptions this is a bigger worry for adoptive parents than it used to be. I am NOT against open adoption at all, and I think all adoptees should be able to see their records at least for medical purposes, but I can totally see where if you've been through all the IVFs and other disappointments, you don't want to worry about birth mom from 2 states over showing up. Even if you do an old-fashioned closed adoption, I think some of the uneasiness still applies.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

While I totally agree with what 33girl said, there is also an ugly other side. There is also a big backlash against white couples adopting black children. Many AA feel that white parents will rob them of their black heritage, of course, I see their point, but at what cost will preserving their heritage rob them of a family?

My best friend and her husband, and my future sister in law and her husband, have been trying to adopt in the U.S. for more than two years. Both couples went through all of the classes mandated by their adoption agencies, home visits and everything. And they have waited, and waited, and waited and waited for their profile to be chosen by some mom giving up her baby or young child. They have NOT limited their search to only white children or only babies. They both even went through the steps to be certified as foster homes because they're open to adopting kids that way. Nevertheless, they have not been selected by any mothers, and only one of them has even fostered a couple of kids, and that was only for a few days.

What AOII Angel said is true. My friends and future sister/brother in law have not been chosen, according to the adoption agencies, probably because they are white couples and the childen so frequently being given up for adoption or who are new to foster care are minorities. Both couples have wonderful families, are college educated, employed and would offer a very stable home, so it's not like they're ill-fit to adopt. The prejudice that they're facing is that they aren't the same race as the child and they speculate that it is even possible that they are being discriminated against because they are too...successful. So for couples who DO want to adopt in this country, it is much harder than what media, government and nonprofits would have you believe.

[carnation]

PeppyGPhiB, you are so right. For years we've sought to adopt just once more since so many of ours have graduated and gone on to college. We got a study and decided to ask for a sib group. Month after month we would make it to the 'finals' of the adoption selection meetings for various groups but then not get chosen.

I finally called a worker I'd gotten to know and asked what it was about us that was causing us not to be chosen. He said, and I still can't believe this: "Some of the workers are concerned that your kids have been too successful in academics and activities and they wonder if you'd resent adoptive children who might not be able to match that."

So there you are, folks. We see signs everywhere begging people (especially bilingual ones like us) to adopt or foster but we're being punished for our kids' success! I asked the worker if we should start tearing up our children's homework or refusing to let them try out for any more teams and then reapply (jk) but he's on our side and he encouraged us to keep applying.

We should know in 3 days if we were successful this time. Please pray for us, everybody.

[BabyPiNK_FL]

Originally Posted by carnation

I finally called a worker I'd gotten to know and asked what it was about us that was causing us not to be chosen. He said, and I still can't believe this: "Some of the workers are concerned that your kids have been too successful in academics and activities and they wonder if you'd resent adoptive children who might not be able to match that."

We should know in 3 days if we were successful this time. Please pray for us, everybody.

FAIL on the first portion. I can't believe some of the excuses people try to get by on. Perhaps they should commend you for the standard of excellence you maintain in your home and the encouragement you provide for your children instead? No?

Second portion: GOOD LUCK! FINGERS AND TOES CROSSED!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

And they have waited, and waited, and waited and waited for their profile to be chosen by some mom giving up her baby or young child.

Say what now?

Do completely closed (i.e., parent surrenders baby to adoption agency and that's the last they know of it) adoptions not exist anymore? Or did they just not want to do it that way?

[RaggedyAnn]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Say what now?

Do completely closed (i.e., parent surrenders baby to adoption agency and that's the last they know of it) adoptions not exist anymore? Or did they just not want to do it that way?

One of the reasons we decided to wait on trying to adopt is that open adoptions are very popular right now...right down to the fact that some mothers want to have the ability to call the house if they are having a bad day. When Andy and I heard that, we decided that we may not be ready for the adoption route yet. Adoption through fostering may still be an option for us, but we haven't decided yet because that brings a whole set of risks with it.

[carnation]

They do exist; it depends on the agency and some of them give the birthparents a choice of open, semi-open, or closed. I've seen prospective adoptive parent profiles that omit their names and other identifying information. Also, not all agencies allow the birthparents to look through profiles.

We've known 2 of our birthmothers. The one here in town knew of us ahead of time and she and her kids moved away when the baby was a year old. We've been in touch with one of our overseas birthmothers since our daughter was born, exchanging yearly letters, and this year a couple of her children friended us on Facebook.

Originally Posted by 33girl

Say what now?

Do completely closed (i.e., parent surrenders baby to adoption agency and that's the last they know of it) adoptions not exist anymore? Or did they just not want to do it that way?

Thank you, BabyPink; we do appreciate your support! I also suggested to the worker that we could have our kids run out and knock over a few banks and then might we be able to adopt again?