What to do when you know something sensitive about PNMs?

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by sigmagirl10

I am familiar with the girls myself--not friends (as one of my sisters is, the one who gave us the information) but certainly acquaintances, and I've seen some of their questionable behavior myself.

The main issue is the alcohol issues, both the citations and the behavior some of us have witnessed (let's just say they spend waaaaayyy too much time at a particular fraternity)--an obvious liability, as well as possibly making some of our shyer sisters uncomfortable. Beyond that, they are the sweetest, nicest girls, very pretty, with definite leadership potential.
It's not about whether or not they've had alcohol (come on, we're in college!) it's whether they can be discrete and ladylike about it. We pride ourselves on classy behavior, traditional values, and high academic achievement...but it was not high school, it was a citation in the last couple of months (which they all got)--some unfortunate incident involving minors in possession though I'm not sure the exact circumstances.

1. If YOU witnessed the behavior then don't credit someone else:

"but not too long ago one of our members (who knows a couple of the girls) revealed some information to us about several of the girls on our list"

2. Who cares which guys they spend time with?

3. You keep contradicting yourself.

If you don't want to offer someone a bid, then DON'T GIVE THEM A BID. Posting negative information about PNMs or info regarding issues within your membership selection process, ESPECIALLY with a name that hints to your affiliation, is a NO-NO. Colony or not, you should already know that. If you don't, now is the time to learn your lesson and keep chapter issues WITHIN the chapter.

Why people don't go to their advisors is beyond me (and yes, this is an issue that new members of a colony should discuss with an advisor or trusted alumnae (from a different chapter of course, bc they are new) - how to weed out PNMs).

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

2. Who cares which guys they spend time with?

I don't think it's WHICH guys, rather the amount of time and depth (no pun) of time. In other words I don't think it's a "they're hanging out with a geeky fraternity" issue.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Why people don't go to their advisors is beyond me.

If they have a relatively new chapter, they might have advisors that are not familiar with their campus at all and that can hurt. Pledging the party girl is a coup on one campus, social suicide on another. The question is how far these girls have gone along those lines...I mean at some point, a ho is a ho.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think it's WHICH guys, rather the amount of time and depth (no pun) of time. In other words I don't think it's a "they're hanging out with a geeky fraternity" issue.



If they have a relatively new chapter, they might have advisors that are not familiar with their campus at all and that can hurt. Pledging the party girl is a coup on one campus, social suicide on another. The question is how far these girls have gone along those lines...I mean at some point, a ho is a ho.

I was thinking in terms of how to approach making the choices/voting/pinning the tail on the donkey. These girls obviously haven't had to make MS decisions yet. An adviser might be able to give them general suggestions on things to look for, methods of discussions - pro/con lists, role playing, etc. The adviser may not know the campus culture or any of the girls themselves, but guaranteed, as a collegiate member (or part of any type of group or team where decisions had to be made), they faced tough decisions similar to what the colony is going through. An intelligent adult should be capable of helping the girls recognize potential, weigh possible risk factors, and be able to make informed decisions.

A colony faces the challenge of "getting it right" the first time, both in who receives bids, and how they behave (or are perceived on campus). Everyone is looking for them to either succeed or fail. However. their chapter needs to come up with a way for evaluating PNMs (if they are operating outside, in addition to, or without existing MS practices). But there are tried and true methods of making any group decisions, including:

- majority vote
- secret ballot
- veto power
- floor discussions followed by vote


THAT Is what I meant by asking an adviser. Suggestions on HOW TO REACH a consensus or at least, standards agreeable to the majority of stakeholders.

To the OP - make some lists. Write down what is acceptable, what is negotiable, and what's a deal breaker. You better make sure that everything on that list is something that you can trace/confirm on some level. This should at least give you a starting point. Does that help????

Example:

Acceptable - occasional drinker
Negotiable - the girl who got drunk in the quad and passed out because she didn't know the koolaid was spiked
Not acceptable - arrest and charge for DUI


Acceptable - flirty, fun girl wearing cute short skirt
Negotiable - girl who is friendly with a lot of guys and sat on the lap of dude who isn't her bf but he happens to be her best friends from home since grade school
Not acceptable - girl sexting her own pics to fraternity guys