Asking daddy's permission before proposing

[agzg]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think I'm with you on the small wedding thing. I've seen enough people plan big huge affairs to know that I don't want one.

Thirded. I'm soooo over big affairs. They're not even fun to be a guest at anymore.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by agzg

Thirded. I'm soooo over big affairs. They're not even fun to be a guest at anymore.

I went to my first BIG (250+) wedding this year. It was such a zoo. Definitely not my favorite wedding. I had gotten used to smallish weddings where you could really hang out with the bride and groom, and any friends you may have had there. This one, not so much. I even think the bride and groom were overwhelmed and exhausted.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I went to my first BIG (250+) wedding this year. It was such a zoo. Definitely not my favorite wedding. I had gotten used to smallish weddings where you could really hang out with the bride and groom, and any friends you may have had there. This one, not so much. I even think the bride and groom were overwhelmed and exhausted.

That IS a zoo. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with more than maybe 200 guests, and I thought that was big enough. I mean, once you have that many guests, the couple sometimes doesn't even get the chance to get around to all the tables and "visit."

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

I guess it depends on the individual couple's circumstances. This couple grew up in the town they got married in, and had large families in that town, but didn't date until a few years after college and graduate school (in different areas of the country). They made a good faith effort to cut down the guest list, but it still ended up being a lot of people. If you and your husband invite your parents' siblings, your 1st cousins, best friends from high school, college, grad school, and work, that can be a ton of people right there. There weren't a lot of crazy far relations or acquaintances at that wedding. They basically had large families.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I guess it depends on the individual couple's circumstances. This couple grew up in the town they got married in, and had large families in that town, but didn't date until a few years after college and graduate school (in different areas of the country). They made a good faith effort to cut down the guest list, but it still ended up being a lot of people. If you and your husband invite your parents' siblings, your 1st cousins, best friends from high school, college, grad school, and work, that can be a ton of people right there. There weren't a lot of crazy far relations or acquaintances at that wedding. They basically had large families.

We invited 300+ people to our wedding, and it was a total blast -- so those slamming big weddings should realize that it's less the size of the wedding and more the people throwing it that makes a wedding good or bad.

I'm from a huge family and my spouse has divorced parents that remarried when he was young, so he has two families. There was no possible way to cut down the guest list, and I'm glad I had it the way I did.

[bluefish81]

I pretty much consider myself a feminist but I'd probably still like to have the guy I marry ask my parents for their blessing. That said, I'm sure they'll be okay with whoever I choose.

And as far as large weddings go, I didn't know what a small wedding was until my college friends started getting married. The weddings I went to as a kid were typically 250 - 400 people. I have no problems with large weddings, they can be a ton of fun, but it's probably because it's normal for me.
I really enjoy going to weddings that are only around 75 people - which makes up my family alone (parents, sister+family, aunts, uncles, first cousins) - so if I wanted a wedding that small, I'd need to do a destination wedding somewhere. Or do a small wedding with a larger reception.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

We invited 300+ people to our wedding, and it was a total blast -- so those slamming big weddings should realize that it's less the size of the wedding and more the people throwing it that makes a wedding good or bad.

I'm from a huge family and my spouse has divorced parents that remarried when he was young, so he has two families. There was no possible way to cut down the guest list, and I'm glad I had it the way I did.

Agreed on all counts. I think you have to look at the circumstances of the wedding before you can say that a big or small wedding is a bad idea. It's very possible to have a 200-300 person wedding (or more) and know everyone, because of large families, lots of close high school/college/grad school friends, work friends, etc.

I've definitely been to 200+ person weddings where everyone had a close tie with either the bride or groom.

ETA: I think it's just inherent in wedding stuff (not necessarily in this thread) that people are quick to criticize, without thinking about whether the type of wedding or proposal was right for the particular people getting married.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

We invited 300+ people to our wedding, and it was a total blast -- so those slamming big weddings should realize that it's less the size of the wedding and more the people throwing it that makes a wedding good or bad.

I'm from a huge family and my spouse has divorced parents that remarried when he was young, so he has two families. There was no possible way to cut down the guest list, and I'm glad I had it the way I did.

I wasn't "slamming" big weddings; I hope my response didn't indicate that. I even said that for this wedding, they didn't invite every Tom, Dick, or Harry.

I will concede that they tried to do "too much," which wouldn't have worked if there had been 50 people or 500 people there. The bride was quite open about the fact that her mother was footing the bill for everything and the budget was unlimited. It just stood out in contrast to the smaller, more intimate weddings I had been to a few months earlier where they really thought about what they were doing and why, instead of just throwing money at an event.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I wasn't "slamming" big weddings; I hope my response didn't indicate that. I even said that for this wedding, they didn't invite every Tom, Dick, or Harry.

I will concede that they tried to do "too much," which wouldn't have worked if there had been 50 people or 500 people there. The bride was quite open about the fact that her mother was footing the bill for everything and the budget was unlimited. It just stood out in contrast to the smaller, more intimate weddings I had been to a few months earlier where they really thought about what they were doing and why, instead of just throwing money at an event.

I didn't mean you, love. Was actually agreeing with you that it depends on the couple's circumstances.

And on the original topic, it never would have occurred to me or my husband that he should talk to my parents beforehand. Just not my thing at all.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

That IS a zoo. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding with more than maybe 200 guests, and I thought that was big enough. I mean, once you have that many guests, the couple sometimes doesn't even get the chance to get around to all the tables and "visit."

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

I did have 200 guests at my wedding, and I think part of that had to do with when I got married.

I was 30 years old, and so many of our guests were married or also in very serious relationships. Therefore, 200 "guests" equates to just a smidge over 100 couples.

My husband and I are from different states, attended different undergraduate colleges, different graduates schools and had jobs at two different hospitals. That is a lot of places where we each made close, sustaining friendships. Throw in sorority sisters and a similar type organization for him (sort of "eating club" type thing at his school) and it adds up fast.

We were also very active in our church and had many friends there. Take that 100 couples above, and that is approx 50 couples for each of us. Oh, and note that I haven't included any family yet, or friends of either set of parents. (my family is big, and they travel en masse for events such as this. My in-laws have a giant social circle, but most did not travel as they lived in a different state. If they had, we would have been closer to 250 )

It was important to me to greet each guest at the reception, and I can to this day remember many of the conversations. I have been married almost 6 years and people continue to tell me that the wedding was a blast, mostly because my friends and family are fun people and we made it such.

Therefore, in some cases, I do think it is possible to have a large wedding and just include the people that have had special places in your lives at different stages, and it can still have that "smaller wedding" feel. We didn't invite any "randoms," or people that we were not in continued contact with. However, I do agree that there are people who do invite everyone that they have had 2 conversations with in an effort for a gift shakedown.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

And really, once you get to 200+ guests, how many of those people do you actually know (and consider to be your friends?) I think you start to get into inviting acquaintences (and like 3rd cousins) at that point.

Just cause a cousin might be a 3rd cousin, doesn't mean they are acquaintances or people you don't really know. Some of my closest extended cousins (i.e. not from the lineage of my grandmother) are my 3rd cousins, some are even 4th cousins. So, if and when I get married, I intend on inviting most of my family (we are all a close group), which could push the guest list to 200 or 200+.