Yet another recruitment disappointment...

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

I know I'm lane swerving here, but, oh well . . .

As the father of a kid with Asperger's, I can tell you that these kinds of suggestion are great for someone who is shy or simply socially uncomfortable or inept. For someone with Asperger's, not so much at all.

It's not just a matter of "concrete instruction what you're doing wrong," or "getting the ball rolling"; it's about learning a completely new way to communicate. The best description I have heard is that it's like being dropped into a foreign country where you don't speak the language, even though everyone assumes you do and talks around you as if you do. You have to learn what facial expressions and body language mean, what social cues mean, how to interpret non-literal language (sarcasm, irony, figures of speech) or voice inflections. And saying "look that person in the eye" is so much easier said than done. For some people with Asperger's that is incredibly uncomfortable and difficult; it's one of the most common traits of Asperger's.

bookworm84, I'm sorry your recuitment experience didn't turn out they way you hoped. For what it's worth, I didn't read your posts as expecting the system to change for you, as showing any kind of chip on your shoulder or entitlement-queen approach, or as using Asperger's as a crutch. I read your posts as trying to understand what happened and as experiencing recruitment as just the latest instance of trying to find a place you fit in and grow, only to be rejected because you're not what others consider "normal." I understand that even if that's not the actual reason things didn't work out, it probably has happened enough times before that it can be hard to see things any other way. (I can't tell you how many times I've had to try to help my son understand that others were not making fun of him but rather that he was misinterpreting what they were saying.)

As others have said, no one here can tell you why you were cut after the first day for two reasons: (1) No one here was there and (2) membership selection is private. But as others have also said, it very could well be grades. Even if you're planning to bring them up, sororities have a minimum, and they cannot pledge someone whose grades fall below that minimum. It's the rule.

Good luck. I hope you find places at college -- maybe including a sorority, if that works out later on -- where you feel comfortable and at home.

MysticCat...Thanks for the lane swerve. I think you have some invaluable experience from the Asperger's point of view. Of course we don't know what happened, but we can infer that the issue was multifaceted.

Bookworm, formal recruitment can be difficult for people with a good understanding of social cues. It's that much more difficult when your grades are not up to par. I encourage you to work on your grades. If you really want to make greek life part of yours, meet some sisters. Get to know them one on one. There may be other ways to join a sorority on your campus that don't require you to make such quick impressions that would put you at a disadvantage. Unfortunately, sorority recruitment can be heartless when you aren't known except as the sorta strange girl. Because you have Asperger's, you may be at a disadvantage going in if you don't have a prior relationship to show them who you are underneath the first impression. Good luck getting your grades up and trying again if that's what you want to do.

[33girl]

MC, I was hoping you would lane swerve. I only suggested Dale Carnegie because I believe they have options for one on one instruction and thought maybe it could be tailored. My whole point was, no matter who you are or what disability you do or don't possess, joining a sorority to, in effect, use it as a means to your personal end is not cool. Like I said though, I hope she didn't mean that quite as coldly as it came out.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

MC, I was hoping you would lane swerve. I only suggested Dale Carnegie because I believe they have options for one on one instruction and thought maybe it could be tailored. My whole point was, no matter who you are or what disability you do or don't possess, joining a sorority to, in effect, use it as a means to your personal end is not cool. Like I said though, I hope she didn't mean that quite as coldly as it came out.

Thanks 33girl (and AOIIAngel) for not minding my butting into an NPC recruitment thread.

As I think about it, perhaps a Dale Carnegie-type thing might be useful for some people, if the instructor has real knowledge of Asperger's. That's key, I think, because it really isn't just a matter of social skills per se, it's a matter of experiencing the world in an entirely different way.

I see your point about the "coolness" aspect, as it were, but I think I can see where she was coming from, too. (And personally I doubt she meant it as bluntly as it came across to you.) To some extent or another, we all I think join groups like GLOs with two things in mind -- what we have to offer the group and what we hope to get out of the group. For some people, what they hope to get out of the group is simply fun or good times, but I'm betting lots of us have a more basic desire to belong somewhere. We tout GLO membership as a way to learn things like leadership skills, and there actually was a time in the not so distant past when GLOs were touted as places to learn social skills (manners and the like). I don't think it's surprising that some people would see GLOs as a place to learn to be more comfortable in social settings. Part of the total package, I think.

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Bookworm . . . If you really want to make greek life part of yours, meet some sisters. Get to know them one on one. There may be other ways to join a sorority on your campus that don't require you to make such quick impressions that would put you at a disadvantage.

If I were to offer advice to someone in her position, I think this is the advice I would offer. Again, speaking from personal experience, I know that the times my son is most successful is when has become good friends with one or two kids who then can provide some entré to (and security in) the larger group. To go back to my earlier comparison about being dropped down somewhere where you don't speak the language, it's like having a guide/interpreter to help you along until you're ready to take it on yourself.

Again, good luck bookworm!