Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl
If you want to improve your social skills, try a Dale Carnegie course or something else where you can get more concrete instruction on what you're doing wrong.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Skies
At parties, practice walking up to friendly-looking students (male and female.) Smile, look that person in the eye and say, "Hi, I'm so-and-so, what's your name?" Then ask them conventional questions about their hometowns, major, interests, etc. to get the ball rolling. If you are at a party at someone's house, ask, "How do you know our host/hostess?"
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I know I'm lane swerving here, but, oh well . . .
As the father of a kid with Asperger's, I can tell you that these kinds of suggestion are great for someone who is shy or simply socially uncomfortable or inept. For someone with Asperger's, not so much at all.
It's not just a matter of "concrete instruction what you're doing wrong," or "getting the ball rolling"; it's about learning a completely new way to communicate. The best description I have heard is that it's like being dropped into a foreign country where you don't speak the language, even though everyone assumes you do and talks around you as if you do. You have to learn what facial expressions and body language mean, what social cues mean, how to interpret non-literal language (sarcasm, irony, figures of speech) or voice inflections. And saying "look that person in the eye" is so much easier said than done. For some people with Asperger's that is
incredibly uncomfortable and difficult; it's one of the most common traits of Asperger's.
bookworm84, I'm sorry your recuitment experience didn't turn out they way you hoped. For what it's worth, I didn't read your posts as expecting the system to change for you, as showing any kind of chip on your shoulder or entitlement-queen approach, or as using Asperger's as a crutch. I read your posts as trying to understand what happened and as experiencing recruitment as just the latest instance of trying to find a place you fit in and grow, only to be rejected because you're not what others consider "normal." I understand that even if that's not the actual reason things didn't work out, it probably has happened enough times before that it can be hard to see things any other way. (I can't tell you how many times I've had to try to help my son understand that others were not making fun of him but rather that he was misinterpreting what they were saying.)
As others have said, no one here can tell you why you were cut after the first day for two reasons: (1) No one here was there and (2) membership selection is private. But as others have also said, it very could well be grades. Even if you're planning to bring them up, sororities have a minimum, and they cannot pledge someone whose grades fall below that minimum. It's the rule.
Good luck. I hope you find places at college -- maybe including a sorority, if that works out later on -- where you feel comfortable and at home.
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