Yet another recruitment disappointment...

[sadpnm]

Okay, so I'm going through recruitment right now... just finished the second night.

Like at most schools, mine has a struggling, not as popular chapter. I decided (because I stalked GC all summer) to give them a shot and not listen to all of the not so good things that people were saying about them and, surprise of all surprises, I LOVED my time there. I met four girls who were all so cute and sweet and we had amazing conversations and I really felt like I belonged. So I ranked them first.

I got my schedule tonight and was happy to find that I had a full schedule and had only been dropped by one sorority... until I realized that the one that had dropped me had been my favorite. From what I could tell (and I talked to a LOT of girls) I was the only one that had not been invited back.

I'm so upset about it. I actually think it hurts more than if I had been dropped by a top group, because with a really popular sorority there could have been a lot of reasons, like I may have fallen through the cracks or just not ranked high enough. With this sorority, I know it's something personal and I can't figure out what I did wrong... I really thought they liked me

I guess I'm not really looking for advice because I know none of you can tell me what went wrong, but I need to vent and have no one to talk to. I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't understand because she's not greek. I tried to talk to my friend in my rho gamma group, but all she said was that I'm lucky I didn't have to go back there. And yes, she was invited back and not happy at all about it.

I went to my parties and had a good time, but I just feel so hurt and want to know what I did. Why they didn't like me as much as I liked them

Thanks for giving me a space to complain... have you ever heard of this happening to a girl?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

Okay, so I'm going through recruitment right now... just finished the second night.

Like at most schools, mine has a struggling, not as popular chapter. I decided (because I stalked GC all summer) to give them a shot and not listen to all of the not so good things that people were saying about them and, surprise of all surprises, I LOVED my time there. I met four girls who were all so cute and sweet and we had amazing conversations and I really felt like I belonged. So I ranked them first.

I got my schedule tonight and was happy to find that I had a full schedule and had only been dropped by one sorority... until I realized that the one that had dropped me had been my favorite. From what I could tell (and I talked to a LOT of girls) I was the only one that had not been invited back.

I'm so upset about it. I actually think it hurts more than if I had been dropped by a top group, because with a really popular sorority there could have been a lot of reasons, like I may have fallen through the cracks or just not ranked high enough. With this sorority, I know it's something personal and I can't figure out what I did wrong... I really thought they liked me

I guess I'm not really looking for advice because I know none of you can tell me what went wrong, but I need to vent and have no one to talk to. I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't understand because she's not greek. I tried to talk to my friend in my rho gamma group, but all she said was that I'm lucky I didn't have to go back there. And yes, she was invited back and not happy at all about it.

I went to my parties and had a good time, but I just feel so hurt and want to know what I did. Why they didn't like me as much as I liked them

Thanks for giving me a space to complain... have you ever heard of this happening to a girl?

I'm sorry to hear that you are upset. It's pretty normal to be upset when cut from a favorite chapter.

As you have said, we can't tell you why you were cut because we weren't there. There could be any number of reasons.

Many times, PNMs assume that smaller chapter = automatic invite back, and that isn't always the case.

Just because a chapter is smaller, doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't going to cut women. They make choices just as the others do.

Also, unless you have spoken to every single PNM, you don't really know for sure if you were the only person this chapter cut.

Regardless of why you were cut and how many other girls they cut, there's nothing you can do about it at this point.

I suggest that you just keep going with recruitment (after all, you have a full schedule).

Best of luck.

[texas*princess]

Agreed with KSUViolet.

I'm so sorry to hear what happened but I wish you the best of luck in recruitment. *hugs*

eta: I don't know a lot about the release figures, but it might be that the panhellenic at your school uses a set of release figures (e.g. The first night of recruitment all sororities have to release x% of the total rushees, and the second night another x%..). It's possible that you didn't do anything wrong, but they had to release a certain number of girls and maybe there were just others that stood out to them more and you were in the group that was released? Like I said, I'm not anywhere close to being an expert, but I think it happens a lot of times. There are amazing women who get released from houses and it's not necessarily because they did something wrong, or said something wrong, but the sororities couldn't invite back all 900 rushees again for the next round and they just didn't make the cut. I can't say for sure because we weren't there, and even if I was I still wouldn't be able to say anything, but it's a possibility.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It probably wasn't personal at all. I would try to focus on where you are with your full schedule and go from there.

[dreamseeker]

Not targeting the OP...but i wish there was a sticky (if there isn't already) saying that houses perceived as "struggling" or whatever =/= desperate and a guaranteed bid for pnms. just because they're at a quota or die stage it doesn't mean they're going to recruit girls that don't meet their standards.

[sadpnm]

Thanks KSUViolet06 and texas*princess.

I know that they had no obligation to invite me back just because they're smaller, but it just hurts that I wanted to be there and wasn't asked back while several girls flat out refused to go to their party tonight.

And dreamseeker, thanks for saying that they would rather close than invite me back. I was invited back to several of the popular chapters that cut a lot of girls, so I guess I must be meeting someone's standards.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

And dreamseeker, thanks for saying that they would rather close than invite me back. I was invited back to several of the popular chapters that cut a lot of girls, so I guess I must be meeting someone's standards.

No need to be defensive.

No one is saying that.

She was just making a general point, PNMs assume that chapter is struggling = an invite.

[Barbie's_Rush]

I am probably going to get in trouble for this, but honestly, they may have thought you were certain to rank all the other chapters higher than them. Why extend an invite to someone who you think for certain won't come back? Basically, they thought you were "too good for them."

[myopicsunflower]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker

houses perceived as "struggling" or whatever =/= desperate and a guaranteed bid for pnms. just because they're at a quota or die stage it doesn't mean they're going to recruit girls that don't meet their standards.

This. Compromising quality for numbers can HURT a chapter.


ETA: I'm not implying that the OP isn't quality. There's no telling why the one chapter cut her, and if she was invited back to other houses, she obviously has something on the ball. Keep the faith...

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

Thanks KSUViolet06 and texas*princess.

I know that they had no obligation to invite me back just because they're smaller, but it just hurts that I wanted to be there and wasn't asked back while several girls flat out refused to go to their party tonight.

And dreamseeker, thanks for saying that they would rather close than invite me back. I was invited back to several of the popular chapters that cut a lot of girls, so I guess I must be meeting someone's standards.

as everyone explained, the problem is not with the chapter, but with the mindset you (plural) as pnms have, that a struggling chapter would take everyone. yes, maybe a chapter would rather close than accept you because you're not right for them, and maybe you wouldn't fit in with them either. you have to stop thinking about it solely in terms of rejection and instead in terms of mutual selection. it doesn't mean that you suck as an individual, and you're fully aware of this as you have been invited to other houses. i wish u all the best through the rest of recruitment.

hope this made sense, late nite phone convos are really distracting lol

i'm not even NPC anyway so i'll swerve back into my lane of lurking.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

I am probably going to get in trouble for this, but honestly, they may have thought you were certain to rank all the other chapters higher than them. Why extend an invite to someone who you think for certain won't come back? Basically, they thought you were "too good for them."

I had that thought too...

Most of the other "why did this happen" threads started with the girls talking about how pretty and awesome they are - and when people really are pretty and awesome, they don't usually feel the need to say it.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker

Not targeting the OP...but i wish there was a sticky (if there isn't already) saying that houses perceived as "struggling" or whatever =/= desperate and a guaranteed bid for pnms. just because they're at a quota or die stage it doesn't mean they're going to recruit girls that don't meet their standards.

I have to say, even as someone who that statement wasn't directed to, I found that pretty offensive.

I think there might have been more eloquent ways of stating the fact that smaller chapters don't = automatic invites back.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I had that thought too...

Most of the other "why did this happen" threads started with the girls talking about how pretty and awesome they are - and when people really are pretty and awesome, they don't usually feel the need to say it.

This!

[AnotherKD]

In all honesty, some of the other "why didn't they pick me?" threads make me a little mad because the pnms come off as very conceited and they think there may be a magical fix that we can present to her so that she can join the chapter of her choice. They don't understand the "mutual selection" concept. I like how you're going about this and you understand that it's just a little upsetting not to be invited back to your favorite house. You're not dropping out or making ridiculous statements. Go ahead and vent, and PM me if you want to vent more! One thing the greek community is good at is lending a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear if you are a genuine person. You seem to be going about it the right way and I wish you luck in the rest of the process. I hope you find a house that feels like home!

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker

Not targeting the OP...but i wish there was a sticky (if there isn't already) saying that houses perceived as "struggling" or whatever =/= desperate and a guaranteed bid for pnms. just because they're at a quota or die stage it doesn't mean they're going to recruit girls that don't meet their standards.

harsh.

sadpnm, often pnms are disappointed when a favorite house does not invite them back, especially when everything seemed to click at that party. however, as they continue on with recruitment they find another house that they feel comfortable with. i hope that you have a wonderful time at the parties you have been invited to and that you find another favorite.

[AOII Angel]

They may not have felt they were good enough for you either. Sometimes a struggling chapter will cut women who they think will cut them so they can say that they cut them first. It's a defense mechanism. I wouldn't bother worrying about it. Just remember that you had a nice time with them. They may have done you a favor. You may not have fit in with them as well as you may have thought you would have. Good luck finding a match with another group on campus.