I Need Help! - Page 2

bostongreek · #16 10-04-2009, 09:25 PM

Okay. Every post you make you have another excuse as to why you should not join a sorority. What do you want us to tell you? That you shouldn't join because you're too different? Everyone is giving you great advice and you keep coming back with some new excuse.

Don't try to join a sorority.

There.

kddani · #17 10-04-2009, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bostongreek

Okay. Every post you make you have another excuse as to why you should not join a sorority. What do you want us to tell you? That you shouldn't join because you're too different? Everyone is giving you great advice and you keep coming back with some new excuse.

Don't try to join a sorority.

There.

Seriously. I've been out of school for over 7 1/2 years, and the OP has managed to offend me in some way with almost every one of her posts. If the OP says even a fraction of these things in real life, why on earth would a chapter want to give her a bid?

kddani · #18 10-04-2009, 09:32 PM

QFP:

Quote:

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

I know I shouldn't judge, etc., but I think it's just human nature and something everyone does, unfortunately. It's just kind of weird/hard to think that all of a sudden I want to do what the people I've always tried to disassociate myself from do. And I know that they aren't friends if they don't support me, etc., but that's also hard, too, just socially.

So much to think about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I know I'm probably coming off as judgmental with this. It's just that from my experience at my school, I haven't met a sorority member who had the same tastes that I did. I've been to a handful of frat/sorority parties and never heard anything I liked. And I know it's wrong of me to kind of scoff at people for not having the "amazing" taste in music that I do. And if I decide to pledge, I just want to make sure that I go about it the right way. And KUSViolet is right -- I really don't like Lady Gaga but I won't make a peep if any of the sisters mentions going to a show like that.

I think the thing that I'm not representing well is how small my school is. I could honestly name everyone in my major, and it's the biggest major in school. And when I sit around in the cafeteria or food court, I could probably name at least two or three people at every table, even if its people that I don't even really know. EVERYONE knows EVERYONE here.

So I'm probably being unfair when I say the sorority girls dress alike. I mean, they don't wear all the same clothes. But they usually do wear different stuff than I would, especially when going out. I think a good way to describe my wardrobe is like Pam from The Office. And the sorority members, when I see them going out, they usually wear halter tops or miniskirts and things I don't even own. And they usually go to the big bars in the city that fit like 1,000 people and I'm usually going to some dive place. And they go on Spring Break to Cancun (one sorority did) while me and my friends went to go see a Flaming Lips concert. And a lot of the fraternities and sororities go to our school's basketball games while me and my friends go to an open mic night at a coffee shop.

But the reason why I'm thinking about doing this... I don't want to do what I'm doing anymore. I think I want to change everything in my life completely. I'm not having any fun with what I've been doing. And most of the sorority members on campus seem to be having a lot of fun. I really do want to be a part of that, even though it's really foreign to me. And I really want to make a good effort to fit in with them.

Another problem that I might run into... I write for the school newspaper. I don't think we have any Greeks who are members of the staff, except for I think one guy who writes for the sports section. And when I was a freshman, I wrote a column about Greeks not being individuals, being conformists, etc. So I'm afraid some people might hold it against me. A few girls on my floor at the time who were pledging gave me some crap about it.

But like I said, I'm going through a lot of stuff and really need to change my life. And I really admire the sorority girls who really act like sisters and have fun and also do community service. They seem like they're having the time of their lives. I really need that right now.

bostongreek · #19 10-04-2009, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Seriously. I've been out of school for over 7 1/2 years, and the OP has managed to offend me in some way with almost every one of her posts. If the OP says even a fraction of these things in real life, why on earth would a chapter want to give her a bid?

I'm wondering about her social skills in general. She is judging her "friends" and people she thinks are similar to herself just as much as she's judging sorority women. OP, you need an attitude adjustment before you even think about rushing or you're not going to be very successful.

tld221 · #20 10-04-2009, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

QFP:

FINALLY! lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Thank you for this. I know my really close friends would still be with me, but they'd definitely would be shocked at first.

As far as music tastes go -- I know I wouldn't have to give it up, but I think if I go through with this I'd have to hide it. I mean, if I'm pledging and there's a party or whatever, I don't think I should roll my eyes and make a snarky comment when I hear Dave Matthews Band or something like that. I definitely want to try my best to fit in, especially at first.

Also, should I dress how I normally dress or should I dress more like the sorority girls I see?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

So...why DO you want to be in a sorority? Other than you want to change the type of bars you go to, the clothes you wear, and the type of guys you would like to date? You don't need to join a sorority to do that.

So...if someone were to ask you why you want to go through recruitment, what would you say?

And as far as the column you wrote...was this a commentary or a news article? What was your argument? Was it full of judgments and stereotypes?

And for the record, I held several officer positions on the school newspaper. Sorority women come from all different backgrounds, and have many different tastes. You are only focusing on what's different, versus finding commonalities.

I'm starting to wonder if this is for real...

word. Jen K is this you? lol

bostongreek · #21 10-04-2009, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

Jen K is this you? lol

I'm sure she would have mentioned her legacy status. After all, that was the only reason she got in.

KSUViolet06 · #22 10-04-2009, 09:46 PM

My biggest piece of advice:

Work on your judgemental attiude.

In life, not everyone in the world is going to like what you like, listen to what you listen to, etc.

JuliaNJ · #23 10-04-2009, 09:49 PM

This is 100% for real and I really don't want to or mean to offend everyone.

Like I said... I want to change everything in my life right now. And the sisterhood that goes along with being in a sorority is something I really need right now. I see the members at my school... and yes, they do have fun. But on top of it, they have all these people they can count on.

I know it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of thinking over things. But I really, really want to do this.

Someone said before I need to adjust my attitude. What do you think I should do?

Thanks.

KSUViolet06 · #24 10-04-2009, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Someone said before I need to adjust my attitude. What do you think I should do?

Thanks.

Start by actually MEETING sorority women at your school before assuming that they all dress alike and have the same hobbies.

A small as your school is, there are probably quite a few in your classes, on staff at the paper, etc.

Once you meet and make friends with them, you can determine whether this is something you are interested in.

bostongreek · #25 10-04-2009, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Someone said before I need to adjust my attitude. What do you think I should do?

Stop trying to be a victim, for one. Your life is not a 90's college based movie and the sororities are not the stereotyped antagonists.

Psi U MC Vito · #26 10-04-2009, 10:00 PM

Yeah, I would like to mention that even in a small school, it's not always easy to tell who is Greek and who isn't. I remember I didn't know one of my friends was Greek for 2 years until I went to a rush event and saw him there. So before you generalize, make sure you don't actually know any.

JuliaNJ · #27 10-04-2009, 10:01 PM

You guys are so right. I know I've been too judgmental my entire life. It's from being so self-conscious and not feeling like I fit in growing up.

I'm really going to make an effort to talk to some sorority members. There's a few on campus that I went to high school with. No one I knew really well but they know me a little bit. And I have classes with a few, too.

Honestly, going to a small college not too far from where you grew up... it has its disadvantages. It's really cliquey. And I'm just as guilty of it (and, as I can tell from here, probably more so) than anyone else.

Some of you have taken a really strict tone with me here. I really want to thank you for pointing out to me what I'm coming off like. I really don't mean any harm at all. And I know I'm going to have to change my attitude if I'm going to go through with this.

The reason why I'm on here is because I really don't know who I can talk to about this. I put "joining a sorority" in google and I clicked around until I found this forum. It's really helping me a lot.

ree-Xi · #28 10-04-2009, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld221

Jen K is this you? lol

LOL I totally thought that!

JuliaNJ · #29 10-04-2009, 10:11 PM

Oh, the thing I wrote in the newspaper was a column. The people at the newspaper usually take an anti-Greek stance. There's a a lot binge drinking at my school and last year a frat pledge from TKE had to go to the hospital because of alcohol poisoning. I did't write anything about that, but our newspaper made a big stink about banning TKE.

AZTheta · #30 10-04-2009, 10:14 PM

You have been given excellent suggestions from a variety of sources.

Bottom line up front: change comes from within. You get to design the plan for change. If WE design it for you, WE'RE going to get blamed when it doesn't work.

A sorority is not a panacea for fixing what's going on inside.

Wherever you go, you're taking yourself along, and until you're comfortable in your own skin, you're not going to be happy anywhere.

Good luck on your journey.