I Need Help!

[JuliaNJ]

Thanks for the advice everyone.

I know I'm probably coming off as judgmental with this. It's just that from my experience at my school, I haven't met a sorority member who had the same tastes that I did. I've been to a handful of frat/sorority parties and never heard anything I liked. And I know it's wrong of me to kind of scoff at people for not having the "amazing" taste in music that I do. And if I decide to pledge, I just want to make sure that I go about it the right way. And KUSViolet is right -- I really don't like Lady Gaga but I won't make a peep if any of the sisters mentions going to a show like that.

I think the thing that I'm not representing well is how small my school is. I could honestly name everyone in my major, and it's the biggest major in school. And when I sit around in the cafeteria or food court, I could probably name at least two or three people at every table, even if its people that I don't even really know. EVERYONE knows EVERYONE here.

So I'm probably being unfair when I say the sorority girls dress alike. I mean, they don't wear all the same clothes. But they usually do wear different stuff than I would, especially when going out. I think a good way to describe my wardrobe is like Pam from The Office. And the sorority members, when I see them going out, they usually wear halter tops or miniskirts and things I don't even own. And they usually go to the big bars in the city that fit like 1,000 people and I'm usually going to some dive place. And they go on Spring Break to Cancun (one sorority did) while me and my friends went to go see a Flaming Lips concert. And a lot of the fraternities and sororities go to our school's basketball games while me and my friends go to an open mic night at a coffee shop.

But the reason why I'm thinking about doing this... I don't want to do what I'm doing anymore. I think I want to change everything in my life completely. I'm not having any fun with what I've been doing. And most of the sorority members on campus seem to be having a lot of fun. I really do want to be a part of that, even though it's really foreign to me. And I really want to make a good effort to fit in with them.


Another problem that I might run into... I write for the school newspaper. I don't think we have any Greeks who are members of the staff, except for I think one guy who writes for the sports section. And when I was a freshman, I wrote a column about Greeks not being individuals, being conformists, etc. So I'm afraid some people might hold it against me. A few girls on my floor at the time who were pledging gave me some crap about it.

But like I said, I'm going through a lot of stuff and really need to change my life. And I really admire the sorority girls who really act like sisters and have fun and also do community service. They seem like they're having the time of their lives. I really need that right now.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Another problem that I might run into... I write for the school newspaper. I don't think we have any Greeks who are members of the staff, except for I think one guy who writes for the sports section. And when I was a freshman, I wrote a column about Greeks not being individuals, being conformists, etc. So I'm afraid some people might hold it against me. A few girls on my floor at the time who were pledging gave me some crap about it.

If your school is as small as you say, the column you wrote may be a problem. This is epecially true if there are girls in sororities right now who remember it and reacted negatively to it.

These girls may think that you really don't want to join, but that you're trying to do some "undercover thing" for the paper so you can write an article about them (yes, I've seen this happen).

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

These girls may think that you really don't want to join, but that you're trying to do some "undercover thing" for the paper so you can write an article about them (yes, I've seen this happen).

KSU, You type faster than I do! But I thought of this too... a la "Pledged".

[littleowl33]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

Another problem that I might run into... I write for the school newspaper. I don't think we have any Greeks who are members of the staff, except for I think one guy who writes for the sports section. And when I was a freshman, I wrote a column about Greeks not being individuals, being conformists, etc. So I'm afraid some people might hold it against me. A few girls on my floor at the time who were pledging gave me some crap about it.

I don't know how old you are at this point (I'm guessing sophomore or maybe junior) but this could definitely bite you in the butt. Even if it's one of those campuses where no one reads the school newspaper, the girls who were pledging who knew you will almost certainly remember. To be honest, I think if I was in their shoes, I wouldn't want you to join my sorority because I would think it was very ingenuine of you.

I admire your effort to change if it's something you really want, but I think you should really consider why you want to do a total 180. Being greek is definitely great, but it won't solve all of your problems. If you're seriously unhappy with yourself or your life, joining a sorority probably isn't going to change that. I don't want to turn you off to rushing, but I also don't want you to build sorority membership up in your head as being non-stop fun and a ticket into a new, perfect life. There's work involved, not just in the sense of getting philanthropy hours or serving on a committee - I mean in the sense that you have to work to build frindships and find your place in the group. We have a lot of New Members who come on GC to say that they want to drop out of pledging because they aren't "connecting" with their sisters, when usually it's because they assume that as soon as you get a pledge pin you're automatically BFFs with every sister. You have to make an effort to connect and develop true friendships, and if you feel like you have to change yourself, hide your true interests, etc. in order to fit in, you're not going to have genuine friendships with your sisters.

I think if you really want this, and you're willing to put in the work, you should go for it. My advice is just to not have unrealistic expectations of what sorority life is like. As for the newspaper column... what's done is done. But be aware that yes, that could hurt you.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by JuliaNJ

I think the thing that I'm not representing well is how small my school is. I could honestly name everyone in my major, and it's the biggest major in school. And when I sit around in the cafeteria or food court, I could probably name at least two or three people at every table, even if its people that I don't even really know. EVERYONE knows EVERYONE here.

My school was smaller than yours, also private catholic, and was originally set up to funnel kids from ONE preparatory school through college.

We still didn't all love DMB, were all unique, and often disagreed completely on things like music, TV shows, clothing styles, etc.

I don't doubt that you at least know of most of the greeks on your campus. Before I joined (as a sophomore) I pretty much could put a face with an organization. It was cliquey. Fortunately, I was able to have my friends that I mocked sorority girls with and keep them even after I joined. If your friends have a problem, they suck.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by bostongreek

Stop trying to be a victim, for one. Your life is not a 90's college based movie and the sororities are not the stereotyped antagonists.

you know?! i was like DMB, seriously? though they are pretty timeless, between the music choice, and clothes description, i was like, can someone turn down the Nirvana on this post?

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by tld221

you know?! i was like DMB, seriously? though they are pretty timeless, between the music choice, and clothes description, i was like, can someone turn down the Nirvana on this post?

Perfect.

Miss Julia, try "search" re: benefits of sororities. Then come back after you have read and done some research.

again, good luck on your journey.

[JuliaNJ]

I found this right away on Suite101.com. This is exactly what I want right now. We don't really have sorority houses here (urban campus) but everything else is exactly what I need.

• Fun. Want to fill up your social schedule? Join a fraternity or sorority and you’ll have more social events than you’ll ever be able to attend. When will you ever have a chance in your life to have this much fun?
• Friendship and community. Even though college campuses are full of people, they can be very lonely places when you don’t know anyone and haven’t found your niche. Greek life provides an easy way to meet people, make friends, and join a community. And membership to a Greek organization is for life, so you’ll always have a network of friends to fall back upon. Many campuses offer ethnic or religious fraternities and sororities, which can be a great way to find a comfortable home on a big campus.
• Housing. Dormitory space and off-campus housing can be a scarce on many college campuses, so membership to a fraternity or sorority that provides an actual house can be a big advantage. On some campuses, the Greeks have the nicest housing around!
• Networking. When you’re looking for a job a few years from now, your skill set often is not as important as your connections. This is unfortunate, but it’s a reality. Greek membership is a great way to connect with people, both in your pledge class and through members who have graduated and joined the working world.
• Dating. Fraternity/sorority mixers—need I say more?Just be careful if what you’re looking for is dating material; some of the people you’ll meet in the Greek system are looking for, well, something else. But that’s true everywhere.
• Leadership opportunities. Greek membership offers opportunities in the local chapter and in your school’s Greek council as well. Great résumé material.

[navane]

Originally Posted by tld221

you know?! i was like DMB, seriously? though they are pretty timeless, between the music choice, and clothes description, i was like, can someone turn down the Nirvana on this post?

LOL!!

.....Kelly