Disappointing recruitment--why wasn't I chosen?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

I started crying, and my Rho Chi tried to comfort me by saying how she didn't know why it happened, she could really see me in some of the houses I had wanted, sometimes the computer screws up, and so on.

That is a line of BS. Sure, they may screw up, but it's highly unlikely. More likely than not, the groups you like did not extend you an invitation. I hate it when Recruitment Counselors fill PNMs' heads with this type of crap just to make them feel better. It makes us all look bad and de-legitimizes the process.

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

I made the decision to drop out of recruitment, because I knew I didn't want to join that one house that had asked me back. They are a small house and really trying to increase their numbers, and maybe only asked me back because of that!

I've seen plenty of houses that were trying to increase their numbers who didn't invite everyone back. Why don't you trust that maybe they liked you or wanted to know more about you?

[All-Knowing One]

Deleted with apologies - perhas Benzgirl could be kind enough to delete the quoted text also.

[Bella796]

I hate how all the PNM's say how they got along so well with a certain group and that group dropped then and they feel let on. The object of a sorority member during recruitment is to sell her sorority so yeah they are going to be really nice and make you feel good but it's not to lead you on, it's just the organization wants to make quota and make sure they have enough PNM's who want them as well.
All I can say is that let this be your first dissapointment as an adult. There are going to be lots more... try job interviewing, it's the same thing. You can go to a job interview and they can be really nice and make you feel like you want to really work for them and bam! they hire someone else.

Also, as a sophomore you may have a reputation already. I'm not insinuating that you do but I know from experience we had one girl that looked amazing on paper and was absolutely drop dead gorgeous HOWEVER she was very popular with lot's of men on campus and her reputation was known. She was dropped from all the houses because that kind of behavior is a HUGE liability.

None of us know what the reason was but I am sure there are other things to get involved in.

Good luck in everything and I am sure you will have a wonderful college career.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by All-Knowing One

Actually there's a lot of info in that post:

1. Public university
2. Probably in the South (and perhaps in a state where there are lots of beaches to which you can drive)
3. But not as big as other (e.g., UGA, Texas, Bama) southern public universities, and not nearly as competitive rush
4. Ten sororities
5. Had rush recently, 10-7-5-3 party schedule
6. Campus where they call them Rho Chis (there are other alternatives)
7. And if she's at the school where I think she is, there are two "bottom" houses, one which is doing a good job of getting its footing again, and another which kind of started again from scratch in the not so distant past.

So I could be totally wrong, but that still is a fair amount of detail. And I used to post here regularly, but changed my moniker for this particular post because it would be pretty obvious what school I meant if I'd used my regular moniker.

Not trying to be creepy, and seriously, I still may be totally wrong, but I hope the OP doesn't post any more details for her own sake.

QFP

Lesson #1: You are being creepy (and border-line cyber-stalking)
Lesson #2: It's one thing to call out the OP on what she did wrong globally, it's another to basically say that you know where she goes to school and that people could find out who she is.
Lesson #3: Sock-puppets are creepy.

[All-Knowing One]

My apologies. I should have sent a PM from my real account to inform her to be careful with the details she posts here. I will delete the above post - perhaps you can delete the quoted text.

Originally Posted by Jen

In the meantime, get involved on campus in other ways - aside from it being a good way to meet people, it will take your mind off the disappointment.

I'm already quite involved on campus (given that I'm a sophomore) and was looking to further enhance my involvement with Greek life.

Originally Posted by SydneyK

But keep in mind, one house gave you a chance. A chance that, from what it sounds like, you weren't willing to give to them.

I gave them a chance. Twice. I talked with several girls in both rounds and just did not feel chemistry there in the way that I did in other houses. I didn't see a point in putting myself through the heartache of watching friends go to the houses who had turned me down, just to spend more time at a house that didn't feel right to me.

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

Merely speculation:

You said your Pi Chi group was all freshman. Were the majority of the PNMs freshmen? Generally, freshmen can be preferred over sophmores. Do you know if your campus has a lot of sophmores placed during formal recruitment in the past?

I know that there were quite a few sophomores participating in recruitment, and that our school has a history of placing sophomores in fall recruitment. I don't know that my class standing had anything to do with it.

Originally Posted by gee_ess

I am truly sorry you have had this disappointment. We don't know which school you attend, but it may be your sophomore status that hurt you the most. This is often the case in southern schools...

As stated in my original post, I'm not at a southern school.

Originally Posted by lyrelyre

Is this perhaps why you didn't like this chapter? Although it's late now, is it possible you didn't give this chapter a fair chance because you were concentrating on the other chapters.

It sounds like this may be the case.

I came into recruitment with a very open mind, trying to stay away from all stereotypes or things I'd heard about chapters, and really just find my place. I gave that chapter a chance.

Originally Posted by als463

I have to say that I am not the least bit sorry for the OP. Once again, we have a case of the "they're not GOOD enough for me-but why do I have NO bid?" All of the NPCs have something incredible about them. When a girl completely turns down certain chapters on her campus because she doesn't feel as though that chapter "felt right" or "fit her" it is her way of saying that she was TOO GOOD for those women.

All of the NPCs have great philanthropies and a chance to get involved! I will use Phi Mu as an example. Did you know that we were the first GLO to start a Philanthropy day? We give millions of dollars to Children's Miracle Network. We give scholarships to women who want to further their education and we have a fund for women who have been victims of circumstance (like Hurricane Katrina). I can honestly (if you let me) say something GREAT about EVERY SINGLE NPC!

To turn down a great group of women who clearly want you shows that you are there for the "parties and reputation" more than what you can do to help other people. That is selfish! Guess what-when you leave college...people don't say "Oh, you were an XYZ-you must have been liked by everyone and very popular on campus!" No, people say, "Wow, you were involved with giving back to your community and yet you still maintained a great GPA or you have an incredible resume, to boot!"

If you are smart, you will realize that those sororities you turned down because you didn't "fit in" or "feel comfortable with" were great opportunities for you to give back to the community and make great friends, in the process. To this day, my sisters are the ones that I thank for making Penn State feel smaller and more welcoming. Had it not been for my sisters, I may not have stayed at such a big school.

Do I feel sorry for you-NO! Should you reconsider the chapters that were willing to give you a chance-YES!

I am incredibly involved in volunteer work; in fact, it's something I spoke about again and again during recruitment, that it's a huge part of who I am. I did not want to join a sorority to party, or gain a certain reputation, or anything you implied. I wanted to be part of a sisterhood, to find that home within a big school, and to have the opportunity for social and service activities.

Originally Posted by All-Knowing One

OP,

I think you need to be very careful. Based on the details you've offered in this story, I am pretty sure I know where you rushed and which house you rejected. Certainly if you did not feel that this house was a good fit, then you did the right thing, but the girls in that house are really nice and fun, and I hope you actually considered them with an open mind. There is one other house on campus, besides the one you didn't like, that *might* COB in the spring, but that one probably was the other one of your bottom two.

Actives on your campus can figure out pretty easily who you are too. It wouldn't take that much investigation to figure it out.

Anyway, good luck finding a house, but you probably need to rethink what being "perfect" for a sorority means. And especially on your particular campus, you can have a perfectly great social life without belonging to a Greek organization.

The All-Knowing One

That's creepy. Really creepy. And based on what you posted later on (and subsequently deleted) I think you're actually wrong about what school you think I'm from.
In any case, I went to every house with an open mind.
I do have a perfectly great social life without a GLO, I just wanted to diversify that social life a bit and meet new people.

Originally Posted by kddani

There wasn't a ton of details in the OP so as to ID the person or school, so I wonder if there's more to the story than we know...

I'm not sure what you mean here...elaborate? You don't have some sabotage theory, do you?

Originally Posted by Bella796

Also, as a sophomore you may have a reputation already. I'm not insinuating that you do but I know from experience we had one girl that looked amazing on paper and was absolutely drop dead gorgeous HOWEVER she was very popular with lot's of men on campus and her reputation was known. She was dropped from all the houses because that kind of behavior is a HUGE liability.

None of us know what the reason was but I am sure there are other things to get involved in.

Good luck in everything and I am sure you will have a wonderful college career.

Thanks for the well-wishes. I am already quite involved so i don't feel like my life's going to be empty without a sorority...But I am kind of offended that you would even mention a "reputation". I most certainly don't have one, and I'm not being defensive. I have a close circle of friends, and most of them are girls, and there's really no way I could have that kind of reputation.

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

QFP

Lesson #1: You are being creepy (and border-line cyber-stalking)
Lesson #2: It's one thing to call out the OP on what she did wrong globally, it's another to basically say that you know where she goes to school and that people could find out who she is.
Lesson #3: Sock-puppets are creepy.

Thank you. CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY.

[ASUADPi]

Okay, I understand that legacy's do get cut...but am I the only one who is kind of shocked that the OP was cut from both her legacy chapters?

To the OP: I don't know what school you are at, but I would encourage you, if you are still interested in greek life, to look out for COR opportunities or spring recruitment.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Okay, I understand that legacy's do get cut...but am I the only one who is kind of shocked that the OP was cut from both her legacy chapters?

Not really. I didn't even go to a competitive school and I have seen it happen. Also, we don't know how many legacies those two chapters had going through. That would affect the number of legacies a chapter would take (if they couldn't potentially take all of them).

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Okay, I understand that legacy's do get cut...but am I the only one who is kind of shocked that the OP was cut from both her legacy chapters?

To the OP: I don't know what school you are at, but I would encourage you, if you are still interested in greek life, to look out for COR opportunities or spring recruitment.

Depending on the competitiveness of the campus that can and does happen. I saw it happen on my own campus several times.

Also, I am probably getting all my "why didn't I get a bid" threads mixed up, but in one of those threads the OP admitted that her "legacy" status (x2 houses) was through her cousins. Perhaps that is the case here? That she wasn't really a legacy as the chapter/organization defines it?

[texas*princess]

OP, going to two recruitment parties does not = giving the house a chance. Yea you showed up, but based on the attitude in your writing, I'm going to guess you weren't very open-minded about that house at all while you were there.

You claim you were a "mis-match" but you weren't. The other houses didn't see you in their house, so they dropped you. That doesn't mean you were "mis-matched".

[kddani]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

I'm not sure what you mean here...elaborate? You don't have some sabotage theory, do you?

Not at all. I just think there's two sides to every story.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Also, I am probably getting all my "why didn't I get a bid" threads mixed up,

Ditto

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Also, I am probably getting all my "why didn't I get a bid" threads mixed up, but in one of those threads the OP admitted that her "legacy" status (x2 houses) was through her cousins. Perhaps that is the case here? That she wasn't really a legacy as the chapter/organization defines it?

At one chapter I was a legacy via my mother and aunts, at the other I was a legacy via one aunt.

[Titchou]

Exactly - quite a few view only mother, grandmother, sister and the steps of those 3...not aunts, cousins, etc.

Originally Posted by Titchou

Exactly - quite a few view only mother, grandmother, sister and the steps of those 3...not aunts, cousins, etc.

I think it's kind of bizarre that step-blanks would be considered for legacy when they could often not know you as well as an actual blood relative. My aunt wrote me a reference and my mother wrote a shorter letter, even though my campus doesn't require them...