Disappointing recruitment--why wasn't I chosen?

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by lkjl2007

I think it's kind of bizarre that step-blanks would be considered for legacy when they could often not know you as well as an actual blood relative. My aunt wrote me a reference and my mother wrote a shorter letter, even though my campus doesn't require them...

This is so rude, you're obviously not in a blended family and I find this offensive as I know the hell out of my family (OMG we're not actual blood relatives!). I am glad my sorority lets each individual member use our legacy policy in a way appropriate to her family situation re: steps. Do you feel the same way about adopted people?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

This is so rude, you're obviously not in a blended family and I find this offensive as I know the hell out of my family (OMG we're not actual blood relatives!). I am glad my sorority lets each individual member use our legacy policy in a way appropriate to her family situation re: steps. Do you feel the same way about adopted people?

When I first read her post, I had the reaction you are having, and then I realized she must have been thinking about the not-custodial step-parents and step siblings who never lived in the same household. It was still a pretty thoughtless comment for her to have made, no doubt, but maybe it's not the case that she considers all step-relationships as less valid than blood relationships.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

When I first read her post, I had the reaction you are having, and then I realized she must have been thinking about the not-custodial step-parents and step siblings who never lived in the same household. It was still a pretty thoughtless comment for her to have made, no doubt, but maybe it's not the case that she considers all step-relationships as less valid than blood relationships.

Well here's a tip to PNMs, saying things like this can give the wrong impression and cause offense. Especially critical when we barely have time to meet you. If a woman said this to me and was seeking a rec/membership it would not fare her well. I know I'm not the only woman who isn't in her "actual blood relative" family either. Thankfully families are many things and even when our legacy policies aren't encompassing of all kinds of families we have RIFs and personal letters to assist in the process.

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

When I first read her post, I had the reaction you are having, and then I realized she must have been thinking about the not-custodial step-parents and step siblings who never lived in the same household. It was still a pretty thoughtless comment for her to have made, no doubt, but maybe it's not the case that she considers all step-relationships as less valid than blood relationships.

I have five stepsiblings, and both of my parents are remarried. I have lived with and am close to some of my stepsiblings, and not lived with and am not close to some of them. I am close to one step-parent and not to the other. Just as I didn't use "legacy status" with my step-parents when applying to colleges, I wouldn't use it for sororities with any of my stepfamily. That is my personal situation, and perhaps I didn't speak properly in my previous post.

What I said isn't meant to invalidate others' relationships/legacy status with their stepfamilies. And no, I absolutely would not think that of adopted children! That was pretty thoughtless of you yourself VandalSquirrel...ever think that the person you're attacking could be adopted?

[gee_ess]

And in some groups, steps are not considered legacies...just mom, grandmother, sister. I know some groups are getting so many legacies, that they don't even consider a grandmother as a legacy connection.

[Titchou]

This just goes to show - it's not up to the campus to require or not require recs. It is up to the individual NPC group to determine that. It's great that your aunt wrote a rec - any member can do one and she definitely should have. Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released? Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released? Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

Why would they (the relatives) call the chapter and ask why she was released? Isn't that a bit much?

And we don't know if the chapter called the mom or whoever (since depending on the organization she may not have been considered a legacy through her aunt). Even if they didn't, the chapter is not required to extend any more courtesies other than an invite after the first round.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Why haven't they called the chapter and asked why you were released?

Don't we usually flame/ridicule mommies who do this? What would the relative expect the chapter to say? I would not suggest this at all for any member.

Originally Posted by Titchou

Why didn't the chapter adviser call and advise them they were releasing you? That's SOP for many groups...it is for mine.

I do not believe that this is SOP for all groups. Once upon a time it was customary. Now there are too many legacies for the chapters to do all that work during an otherwise very busy week.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Don't we usually flame/ridicule mommies who do this? What would the relative expect the chapter to say? I would not suggest this at all for any member.

I find that half the time, anyone who is asking doesn't actually WANT to know. They typically are trying to get the chapter to somehow change their decision, or they are just looking for a messenger to "shoot" about the fact that their daughter got cut.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I find that half the time, anyone who is asking doesn't actually WANT to know. They typically are trying to get the chapter to somehow change their decision, or they are just looking for a messenger to "shoot" about the fact that their daughter got cut.

You can always use the "50 legacies, only 10 slots, etc, etc, etc"....

[Titchou]

Well, I reckon it's where you're from...our form has a place to mark if you want to be called for your legacy if she is released. And I've always done so at any chapter I've advised - no matter how many.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by Titchou

Well, I reckon it's where you're from...our form has a place to mark if you want to be called for your legacy if she is released. And I've always done so at any chapter I've advised - no matter how many.

It definitely varies. We have a national policy that expressly states legacy connections cannot/will not be notified if legacy is released.

[Zillini]

Regarding steps, my Chapter takes them on a case by case basis and when need be we investigate. Some examples:

- We once had a step Mom who just met and married the Dad within the last year or two. That PNM was not given legacy status.

- Another step Mom had practically raised the PNM so she was considered a legacy.

- We once had an active whose step sister was going through. The active told me point blank she never lived with her step sister and couldn't stand her, so we didn't give that PNM legacy status. (I guess the feeling was mutual because she was courtesy invited back to 2nd round so there wouldn't be any family friction for our active and the PNM dropped us.)

[AnotherKD]

OP- regarding some other posts, you did not give the last house a chance. Going to a couple of short rush parties is not getting to know the house and the sisters very well. You dropped out. So you should change the title of your posting. You were chosen and you didn't wait to see how it would play out.

[MaggieXi]

Merely speculation:

You said your Pi Chi group was all freshman. Were the majority of the PNMs freshmen? Generally, freshmen can be preferred over sophmores. Do you know if your campus has a lot of sophmores placed during formal recruitment in the past?