No place for average PNMs?

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

To be fair too, what you are hearing from nervous freshmen PNMs is never going to be true. Girls in our own chapters have a hard enough time keeping it straight. If you ask any PNM at any school that suffered even minor cuts, I guarantee you they will tell you that they just went through the most competitive rush that XYZ University has EVER had. EVER. Obviously top tier ABC may have had a very good idea of who they want to pledge, but I guarantee you that, no matter what campus, there are many chapters who are much more open-minded. And really, do you honestly believe that "XYZ who hasn't made quota in 3 years" started the rush process saying "these 100 girls are the only ones we are interested in bidding and if you aren't already in-state and BFF with at least 3 girls then we will cut you?" No. They are going to be open-minded about EVERY PNM, but they are still going to want women that promote their chapter in a positive way so they can grow. So it's probably not that every single recruitment chair at every single chapter had it out for your since Day #1.

Just go give an example, these are reasons why I, my sisters or my friends at other schools/chapters released women that would fall into "good on paper, good picture, etc" categories. If you saw their resume and their Facebook profile you may have been excited about pledging them until they did one of the following:
* Were you a complainer? "OMG, it's soooo hot...", "Haha sorry I'm sooo tired", "Yeah my roommate is kind of weird and lame", "The dorm food is sooo gross"...
* Did you rest on being shy and think that the burden was on the chapters to realize you'd be more outgoing starting three weeks in?
* Did you only bother getting recs for what your friend's sister's boyfriend told you were the three best sororities?
* Were you rude or disinterested to some chapters during the first round because you "so knew" you were going top tier? Top tier may not have wanted you, but would anybody else want a sister who acted bored either?
* Did you wear clothing in a color that made your normally beautiful skin look pasty? Was your dress silhouette more appropriate to 2003 than 2009?
* Did you talk about how much money you have? Nothing can make somebody look poorer than that...
* Did you only ask questions about the chapters GPA and philanthropy and housing points? We wanted a sister to have fun with too.
* Did you mention you are going to get your sororities letters tattooed on your ass? (This REALLY was brought up to somebody I know during recruitment in EVERY chapter the PNM visited).
* Did you bring up God every sentence to an atheist? Did you roll your eyes when a sister mentioned that XYZ also has a Bible study?
* Did some of your more questionable high school nights end up becoming known to sisters or alumni? Or did you even go so far as to leave the topless kegstand photo on Facebook?
* Were you an "eager beaver" who was trying too hard to be bubbly and "hug attacked" every other member you met?

There are SO many reasons why you may have had a bad rush even if you were average looking with a great GPA.

At the end of it though, blaming the sororities for your mistake will hinder you in life. Rush is a great way of seeing how you do in first impressions. These first impressions will affect your first dates, your job interviews, your impression on coworkers/in laws/professors, meeting with your prospective country club/arts guild/book club/PTA/intramural team/church/synagogue/children's friends parents...and maybe even the second/third/fourth time you rush. It would behoove you to not place the blame on others and sit down and analyze why you may have made some mistakes and how you can correct them for the next time first impressions matter.

Very Good! I can tell you that you are so right on a lot of your list especially this one:Top tier may not have wanted you, but would anybody else want a sister who acted bored either? I can not tell you how many times yesterday I saw disinterested, bored, boring, not paying attention and looking around the room (I would totally do that). I think sometimes these women don't even know they are doing this or acting this way. The other common mistake by the last 2 parties these PNM's are pooped- just like the actives are, but they continue to stay alert, upbeat and positive. Some of the PNM's are done and it shows in their conversations and body language and the actives picked up on it.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

Very Good! I can tell you that you are so right on a lot of your list especially this one:Top tier may not have wanted you, but would anybody else want a sister who acted bored either? I can not tell you how many times yesterday I saw disinterested, bored, boring, not paying attention and looking around the room (I would totally do that). I think sometimes these women don't even know they are doing this or acting this way. The other common mistake by the last 2 parties these PNM's are pooped- just like the actives are, but they continue to stay alert, upbeat and positive. Some of the PNM's are done and it shows in their conversations and body language and the actives picked up on it.

Oh gosh! This brings to mind one of the worst nights of my life as an adviser.
We had to release a certain number, not many but at least some. It was down to the last two women to decide between. Both had recs, both were about equal - nothing much on paper to distinguish between the two. However, one had acted soooooo bored that night. The girl who had her had an awful time trying to talk with her. She would give one word answers, if she replied at all, looked around at everyone else, never smiled during the skit, didn't applaud, just a big nothing. So we released her. She obviously "wasn't into us" and the other young lady was. Well, the next day I had an irate alum on my phone, yelling at me because we had totally crushed this girl by not inviting her back. She LOVED us soooooo much and realy wanted to pledge. She dropped out of recruitment because we released her. OMG! She did NOTHING to let us know she even tolerated us, much less liked us. Supposedly she was so nervous that she just blanked on everything, froze up. Well, goodness, how did we know that? I always have felt so badly about this but have no idea what we should have done otherwise. We just did not know and had no way to determine that she really was interested.

So, while you may have the proper "creds", you still have to be on. It really is like a job interview. You smile, talk directly, interact with those around you, be polite and act like you are enjoying yourself. You never know when you'll be "that" one.

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

. . . The other common mistake by the last 2 parties these PNM's are pooped- just like the actives are, but they continue to stay alert, upbeat and positive. Some of the PNM's are done and it shows in their conversations and body language and the actives picked up on it.

Quick question, then: have any chapters or Panhellenic systems as a whole had some success with planning and carrying out a very short activity at the start of the last couple of open house parties to acknowledge and share in the feling of poopedness -- and then to move on?

Sometimes just a quick mention of the exhausted elephant in the room might be a spark to bring some half-dead PNMs back into the moment.

Not cheezy, like "If you're tired and you know it, clap your hands," but some little thing to re-energize a bit?

[tld221]

Originally Posted by AXOrushadvisor

I worked with a "bottom" Chapter and like someone mentioned on here they do release women who are mean and rude to the girls. I have seen PNM's make active women cry because they were so awful. It would be hard to have those women come back.

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

[RhoGamma09]

Originally Posted by tld221

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

I dont know about crying, but man, I do understand what they're saying about mean and crude girls. Or just scary. There are plenty of stories on here.

If you just plain dont feel comfortable around a person, I dont care who you are, its the chapter's right to not extend a bid to that pnm!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by tld221

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

Check out the "Weird Rush Stores" thread. It's quite full of stories of rude, snotty, PNMs who have the balls to say some very mean things about chapters, particularly those that are not their favorites. I doubt they'd cry about it DURING the party, but I have heard of active members of chapters being insulted enough by a comment to possibly cry between parties. I am not a crier, nor am I easily offended, but some people are.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by tld221

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

Often the chapters on the receiving end of this kind of treatment are the smallest ones who can't afford not to have every girl rushing.

And yeah, it can be kind of awkward and shocking to have someone be rude right to your face. I doubt she meant that they burst into tears on the spot, but just that it's hard to take.

[aggieAXO]

Originally Posted by tld221

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

I am happy for you that you are not easily offended. I am not either, though at 18 years of age my skin was not as thick as it is now. I had friends in struggling chapters and the rude things PNMs would do to them was to say the least incomprehensible. I could not imagine being that rude to anyone. I could easily imagine an active crying by what some of these catty girls would do. I felt sorry for the active that had to be forced to deal with these b*tches and had to continue to be polite.

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Originally Posted by tld221

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

I agree with others that have commented about this - it really can be awful enough to make someone cry. Not during the party, but after or in between parties. Especially considering how raw everyone's nerves are after all the late nights and such. I've seen PNMs straight up ask "why did you invite me back, I didn't want to be here" or just simply not even talk and look down their nose at the chapter member recruiting them. Those are the ones I'd just like to shake and shout "where are you manners!!!"

[texas*princess]

I was wondering when we'd have a psycho mom come on here during recruitment season.

She's a little late into recruitment season, but I guess better late than never

[Benzgirl]

[QUOTE=texas*princess;1846417]I was wondering when we'd have a psycho mom come on here during recruitment season.

She's a little late into recruitment season, but I guess better late than never



Oh no, Ole' Miss hasn't yet begun! Prepare for cover. Helimoms are out there lurking.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by tld221

oh come ON - what could a 17-18 year old freshman really say to a (possibly older) active that would make them cry? its a serious question-i really dont see a PNM being so crude and crass that it could bring a member to tears.

whatever it is, those girls need not be rushing PNMs. put them on the refreshment or door chant committee. i would hope that an active could handle the worst of anything a PNM could say, from "this house sucks" to "yo mama."

I initially agreed with you. Then I realized that I can't fathom it because I'm not completely in the NPC recruitment frame of reference.

I keep skipping back to how something like that is rare in the NPHC process and how it would be dealt with.