Room for Individual Growth?

[FunGirl123]

Wow.

This has been blown entirely out of proportion.

This is simply not about "I wanna wear sweatpants and be a slut"

When I go to work, (no matter how tired I am) I absolutely do not mind dressing myself up and presenting myself in the best possible way. Because in this case you will be encountering many people that do not know you and will be expecting great service from you, and if you do not look presentable, then they might not take you seriously.

But I feel like being with your sisters in your chapter room at meeting is entirely different. I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what. I am completely up for being committed and being there when the chapter needs me, but I also want them to understand that we cannot all be perfect. I am sorry for not initially giving examples. This is mainly because I do not want to be identified. And when I was talking about frat parties, I did not mean getting hammered in my letters. We are not allowed to wear our letters to frat parties. I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well. At meeting the other day, one of my sisters actually was asked to suck in her stomach! She was just feeling very bloated that night, and couldn’t help it! I am finding the idea of being controlled ridiculous, and completely irrelevant to when I’m working at my job, or being out in the real world. I absolutely do not mind my boss telling me what to do. I respect that. He is paying me. But not when people I expect to be my sisters, telling me to be perfect.

I am just sick of being judged by people that are supposed to stand by me ...

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

Wow.

This has been blown entirely out of proportion.

This is simply not about "I wanna wear sweatpants and be a slut"

When I go to work, (no matter how tired I am) I absolutely do not mind dressing myself up and presenting myself in the best possible way. Because in this case you will be encountering many people that do not know you and will be expecting great service from you, and if you do not look presentable, then they might not take you seriously.

But I feel like being with your sisters in your chapter room at meeting is entirely different. I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what. I am completely up for being committed and being there when the chapter needs me, but I also want them to understand that we cannot all be perfect. I am sorry for not initially giving examples. This is mainly because I do not want to be identified. And when I was talking about frat parties, I did not mean getting hammered in my letters. We are not allowed to wear our letters to frat parties. I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well. At meeting the other day, one of my sisters actually was asked to suck in her stomach! She was just feeling very bloated that night, and couldn’t help it! I am finding the idea of being controlled ridiculous, and completely irrelevant to when I’m working at my job, or being out in the real world. I absolutely do not mind my boss telling me what to do. I respect that. He is paying me. But not when people I expect to be my sisters, telling me to be perfect.

I am just sick of being judged by people that are supposed to stand by me ...

The problem is that you think that you only have to look presentable when dealing with people that you don't know. What if you went to your sorority's convention? In a business meeting with a very large number of your sisters, would you dress up because you don't know them? Or dress down because they're your sisters and they should let you be yourself?

The issue I see here is that you're complaining about looking presentable in a business setting. You can always dress up but add your own style to it. I've seen people in badge attire wearing a suit, with a button-down shirt and very subtle jewelry. And I know one of my sisters, who was more artistic and a little different, would often come to meetings in a colorful long skirt, a black or white shirt, and larger, more colorful jewelry. You can add your own touches while being dressed up.

On the other hand, if some sisters are telling others (either directly or indirectly) that they're too fat, that's a problem. They should also understand that sometimes, people just aren't in the mood to party. Being tired isn't any reason to look down on someone. And in what way are they penalizing you for this?

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

And when I was talking about frat parties, I did not mean getting hammered in my letters. We are not allowed to wear our letters to frat parties.

Why would you wear your letters at a party? One has to dress well at a party. Especially fraternity parties.

I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well.

Penalizing for not partying? Sounds like a rad sorority.

I am finding the idea of being controlled ridiculous, and completely irrelevant to when I’m working at my job, or being out in the real world. I absolutely do not mind my boss telling me what to do. I respect that. He is paying me. But not when people I expect to be my sisters, telling me to be perfect.

You're so rebellious.

[AOEforme]

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what.

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

But I feel like being with your sisters in your chapter room at meeting is entirely different.

Your sisters DO accept you no matter what. But they're trying to prepare you for that beast of a place after college know as "The Real World".

Chapter is NOT an informal setting. It's a meeting; consequently, you should be in an appropriate, professional mood. What sets off a professional mood better than professional attire?

If you can't wear sweatpants to Grey's Anatomy nights, I could see complaining. However, your dress codes are for situations where you are either (1) expected to act professional or (2) representing your group (such as those fraternity parties). Do you also complain about recruitment dress codes?

When Greeks at my school b*** and moan about how there are so many rules and how we have to act appropriately always and represent our organization, do you know what we're told by our Greek advisors?

Tough, because by accepting that pin with those letters, you are accepting being held to a higher standard than an average college student. You are held to a higher GPA, more community service hours, and overall, to be a more responsible human being.

That's what your sisters are for: to hold you to a higher standard. Not an impossible standard (no one deserves that), but a HIGHER standard. The purpose of any sorority is to make women into better women and that's what your sisters are doing.

If you can't live with that, I would suggest leaving. Because no one is going to tell your chapter (not nationals, not Greek advisors, not even your parents) to lower their standards. They're trying to create upstanding ladies.

I'm almost done with college and I'm at the point in life where I'm doing all sorts of interviews and pre-professional things. I am SO glad my chapter has held me to such a high standard. I know how to dress for interviews. I know how to hold myself and how to act around others. I know how to make a darn good first impression. That's the benefit to being held to that high standard.

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

This has been blown entirely out of proportion.

Also, from the title of this thread, it appears you've blown the situation out of proportion. They aren't stifling your individual growth... they're helping you out in the long run.

[OPhiAGinger]

Originally Posted by FunGirl123

I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what.... And when I was talking about frat parties, ... I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well.

Are you required to attend all parties or do you have the option to decline one every now and then, like when you are not feeling 100% or are stressed about something? And is your penalty something tangible (like a fine) or more like a scolding? Just wondering whether the punishment is in balance with the infraction.

On the surface it may seem silly for your chapter to expect you to be "on" at every fraternity mixer. However, I'm sure you realize that when you attend a party with another group and sit there like a bump on the log, your behavior could have an unintended impact on your sisters. Once the fraternities get the perception that the sisters of XYZ sorority are no fun to mix with, your invitations will dry up. That could even impact your recruitment in the years to come, starting a spiral that's hard to control.

I'm going to buck the trend of people telling you to deactivate. Instead, I encourage you to run for a leadership position within the chapter. I think being a leader will give you a whole different perspective, as you start to see how tightly interwoven the individual behaviors of the members are, and the impact they have on the long-term health of the whole chapter. In the meantime, you might suggest that the chapter exec board give each sister one get-out-of-party-free pass to use when they know they won't be in the right mindset, maybe one per year. It's better for someone not to be there at all than to be there and embarrass her sisters by her non-social behavior. Just don't abuse it!

[33girl]

If the standard attire on your campus is sweats and you have to wear a business suit for meetings, I can see where that would stick in your craw. FWIW we never dressed up for meetings either, but considering they were held on Sunday night it was a miracle we crawled out of bed, period.

If you like dressing up otherwise but it's the fact that the sorority is telling you to do it that's annoying you, sorority life just might not be for you. Depending on the chapter, things can either be laid back or very rigid. Yours sounds like it's on the rigid end of the scale.