Room for Individual Growth?
 

For the first time this year, I am regretting being a part of the greek system. I recently feel like I am not allowed to grow as an individual. Just the little things of being told what to wear, what to do, and being careful of not giving your sorority a bad name have been making me very doubful of this whole thing. We should all be accepted no matter what.

Why is it sooo important that we must act our best at a frat party, or that we must dress well to meeting (because sometimes, after a long day of classes, i dont have time to fully dress-up for meeting, esp when i live off campus). Whatever happened to intellectual freedom? Whatever happened to accepting your sister for who she is?

1.) When are you being told what to wear? If it is only at business meetings and ritual ceremonies, I don't see the problem here. Like with any professional job, they will tell you that you need to wear business attire.. and I'm sure you won't argue and show up in the morning wearing sweatpants, complaining that you had to drive from all the way across town at 7:30am. I'll bet you've been through other ceremonies in your life... graduation, religious rituals, etc. and there are certain things to wear there, also. Did you complain then? And with a sorority, these events don't usually last any more than an hour or two. Is it really that terrible? If, on the other hand, you're being told what to wear for new member activities, that's an entirely different story. And yes, that's wrong.

2.) If fellow sorority members are telling you specifically what you can and can't do, then that is also a problem. I think I need some examples.

3.) I don't know why you'd be upset about sisters not wanting the sorority to have a bad name. What activities are you participating in that would make other students look at you in a negative light? And why would you want to partake in such things?

If this is simply about wanting to wear jeans and a sweatshirt to formal occasions, and wanting to freely be a drunk slut, I don't know what to tell you. College is supposed to prepare you for the real world, and being in a sorority enhances that educational process. If that's not what you want, then maybe being in a sorority isn't for you.

What does intellectual freedom have to do dress requirements or being expected to act with some maturity? (Hint: the answer is nothing.)

You say that you feel like you're "not allowed to grow as an individual," but frankly it sounds more like you don't really want to grow. You'd rather just have fun. Growing as an individual would mean getting ready now for the real world after college, when there are times (which, depending on your job, could be everyday) that you have to dress appropriately, whether you feel like it or not.

You dress nicely for meetings (1) as an indication of respect and (2) because believe it or not, how people are dressed really does affect how they conduct themselves. You act appropriately at parties because your sisters have a reasonable expectation not to be embarrassed by their association with you.

Ditto on AST and MC. I would hope that you would want to grow as an individual by representing yourself well through both proper dress and actions. I personally don't see the real problem without more concrete examples from the OP.

I'd be very upset if I wanted to get a chapter subscription to the New York Times to read the morning after I got wasted and danced on tables, and my sisters required everyone to only read USAToday. What if the sister in charge of the bookclub is just as controlling about what fiction we can read, as she is about appropriate badge attire? If I suggest Catcher in the Rye or Lady Chatterly's Lover, even The Color Purple they'll say NO, and tell me to change out of my low rise pants because my midriff was showing while I had my badge on. I mean what if I wanted to get my letters on the front of some panties or wear them in a wet t-shirt concert during break? Oh and you should see the test files for the chapter, we're not allowed to pursue any hard majors since it a) can mess up our GPA and b) studying interferes with partying, so there isn't anything for my major and classes, so I guess I have to change my major to fit into my sorority.

I'm grown and I do what I want!

I agree with everyone else. Sounds like you just want to do whatever you wish, while representing the sorority and it doesn't work that way. While you're representing the organization there are standards and protocol. If you don't want to comply with those standards, go inactive and don't wear letters. It's simple.

Exactly! When you are wearing your letters you must remember that you are representing something bigger than yourself! You are representing the values and ideals of your sisterhood! If you are upset because you can't wear your letters to a frat party and get drunk with them on, then you:

1. Need to grow up
2. Remember what your letters represent
3. Grow up!

Wow.

This has been blown entirely out of proportion.

This is simply not about "I wanna wear sweatpants and be a slut"

When I go to work, (no matter how tired I am) I absolutely do not mind dressing myself up and presenting myself in the best possible way. Because in this case you will be encountering many people that do not know you and will be expecting great service from you, and if you do not look presentable, then they might not take you seriously.

But I feel like being with your sisters in your chapter room at meeting is entirely different. I guess the problem I am having right now is that your sisters should accept you, no matter what. I am completely up for being committed and being there when the chapter needs me, but I also want them to understand that we cannot all be perfect. I am sorry for not initially giving examples. This is mainly because I do not want to be identified. And when I was talking about frat parties, I did not mean getting hammered in my letters. We are not allowed to wear our letters to frat parties. I meant, for example, there are times when I am tired, and don’t end up socializing as much as I can, and some of my ‘sisters’ penalize me for that, saying that I was not representing the sorority well. At meeting the other day, one of my sisters actually was asked to suck in her stomach! She was just feeling very bloated that night, and couldn’t help it! I am finding the idea of being controlled ridiculous, and completely irrelevant to when I’m working at my job, or being out in the real world. I absolutely do not mind my boss telling me what to do. I respect that. He is paying me. But not when people I expect to be my sisters, telling me to be perfect.

I am just sick of being judged by people that are supposed to stand by me ...

The problem is that you think that you only have to look presentable when dealing with people that you don't know. What if you went to your sorority's convention? In a business meeting with a very large number of your sisters, would you dress up because you don't know them? Or dress down because they're your sisters and they should let you be yourself?

The issue I see here is that you're complaining about looking presentable in a business setting. You can always dress up but add your own style to it. I've seen people in badge attire wearing a suit, with a button-down shirt and very subtle jewelry. And I know one of my sisters, who was more artistic and a little different, would often come to meetings in a colorful long skirt, a black or white shirt, and larger, more colorful jewelry. You can add your own touches while being dressed up.

On the other hand, if some sisters are telling others (either directly or indirectly) that they're too fat, that's a problem. They should also understand that sometimes, people just aren't in the mood to party. Being tired isn't any reason to look down on someone. And in what way are they penalizing you for this?

Why would you wear your letters at a party? One has to dress well at a party. Especially fraternity parties.

Penalizing for not partying? Sounds like a rad sorority.

You're so rebellious.

I am not expecting anyone to agree with me. I just wanted to see if anyone has ever felt similar feelings. Just the whole process is making me feel like I'm some little girl that needs to be taken care of.

and to just to clarify again : I do not mind looking presentable in a BUSINESS setting. but not when im at school with my friends/sisters.

Chapter meeting = business meeting

This made me smile. :)